Redemption comes in strange places

4 things I learned:
1) Calves are stupid.
2) I'm really tired of waiting.
3) Boys are curious, in every sense of the term.
4) Redemption comes in strange places.

I need a fix in those heroin eyes

(zu meine oma)
When your only friends are hotel rooms
hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight
These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating
leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?
Who's going to call on Sunday morning?
Who's going to drive you home?
I just want one more chance
to put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes
bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends
August evenings bring solemn warnings
to remember to kiss
the ones you love goodnight
You never know what temporal days may bring
So laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord, "Praise ye the Lord"

That's called 'Paperthin hymn' by Anberlin. Here is an explanation of why fire trucks are red.
There are 4 wheels and 8 men on a fire truck.
4+8=12
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.
The Queen Elizabeth was a ship.
Ships sail on the sea.
The sea has fish.
Fish have fins.
The Finns are always fighting the Russians.
The Russians are known as 'red'.
Fire trucks are always rushin', and that's why they're red.

So many ways to cry...

This ache in my heart that says I miss you, I want you
This frustration with stubbornness
This exhaustion from lack of sleep
This joy of knowing we won
This hurt, the regret that you're gone
This confused emptiness I don't understand
This empathy
This delight, the knowledge that this is beautiful
This pain of breaking
This sorrow

And what do I do?
I bottle myself up and cry into my pillow at night
I don't understand why I feel this way
It doesn't feel like Christmas...

Surreality

This poem is called "Impatience" and it's not very good, but it gets across how I feel.

"Impatience"

I still want you here
Even though I know
You'd never have me
I want you to hold my hand
And tell me it'll be alright
Hold me close when I'm scared
And try to banish my insecurities
Love me beyond my faults
I still miss you
Even though I don't know (you anymore)
I'm really tired of waiting
But I can't make the first move
-I don't want to ruin this again-
I still want to share with you
Myself
But even as I pour out on the ground
The tide comes and washes it away
And still I wait

My mind understands what my heart cannot

Why does no one cheer for the Boston Bruins?!?!?! They are fricking awesome!
What are 3 words or phrases that describe you?

Christmas holidays have officially started today, and I have to say, I'm already excited for school to start again. It's not just me being a keener, either. I honestly prefer school to holidays. The only good "holiday" is summer, because I'm usually around people then, at camp, in the orchard, etc. I'm not alone. I've been in a funny mood all afternoon. I want it to snow. I want cold. I like cold. And wind. It covers you. I'll wax poetic on you if I'm not careful. Sorry. This afternoon, I realized that I can't begrudge people their choices when I have no power over it. It's not fair. And if you know what the title of this post means, don't say anything, cause I don't want the whole world to know, but it has to do with me realizing I can't hold on to shadows forever. No matter what my heart says, there has to be some point where I let go and forget. Some things are too far in the past to be logical anymore. I honestly don't know what to do because I've tried multiple times to let go and yet this still simmers on the back burner of my mind.

Sweet sixteen...

...and never been kissed. (And happy that way!)

Ha. I can now get my driver's licence. Today's the first day of winter, the shortest day of the year. Hoorah.

Slow dancing to fast music

You ever get that feeling, where when you look back at something, it seems to have come and gone so quickly, but you recall the many days of waiting where it seemed like it would never get here? Yes. 5 days until Christmas and tomorrow's my birthday. And I'm realizing, what's so important about one birthday, or one Christmas? Sure, it's exciting now, but our toys will break, our new clothes will wear out, and in January we'll all be just as tired and grumpy as we were in November. But there is something different about now, just as there is something different about this year. Time flies when you're living, but I suppose in death, time stands still out of necessity. Sometimes I wish that things meant more than they do.

The Laughter and the Tears

Is it wrong to be excited for something that is amazing and miraculous, and yet conceived in sin? To be happy? To love? Is it bad to pray for the person you have a crush on? To want them to be okay? Is it possible to be speechless and yet exploding with words that come rushing out in torrents? Can you cry and laugh at the same time? Can you love without regret? Can you love without pain? Is it wrong to lie to protect yourself? Is it wrong to love wholeheartedly and happily, the outcome of a sin? Is breaking the Law wrong, if the outcome is more beautiful than you can imagine?

Picture you smiling, then picture you leaving

In a dream I spent the day with you in a carriage built by blood. The clouds were singing songs of fear and loss; and they cut me down to size. And they cut me down to size. Broken wings have a home tonight. No one is listening, no one is listening. When darkness fell on the streets last night, we never expected, we never expected this. In a perfect world, I'd never know your name, and do we even know it when we die? Or will death just pass us by? Will death just pass us by? Please just pass us by. Broken wings have a home tonight. No one is listening, no one is listening. When darkness fell on the streets last night, we never expected, we never expected this. When all this pain is justified, while all the time is passing by. Now is when we clench our fists knowing we can fight through this. The hours and days are gone. The weeks and months are moving on. Can't they see that nothing's gonna stop us now? Broken wings have a home tonight. No one is listening, no one is listening. When darkness fell on the streets last night,we never expected, we never expected this.


Describe yourself in 3 words or phrases. If there are more than 3 pick the best 3.


"Why do you do like you do?"
"Wh- oh yes, you mean why do I pretend? Well it's very simple. Some folks don't- like the way I live. Now I could say the hell with 'em, I don't care if they don't like it. I do say I don't care if they don't like it, right enough- but I don't say the hell with 'em, see?"
"No sir."
"I try to give 'em a reason, you see. It helps folks if they can latch onto a reason. When I come to town, which is seldom, if I weave a little and drink out of this sack, folks can say he's in the clutches of whiskey- that's why he won't change his ways. He can't help himself, that's why he lives the way he does."
"That ain't honest, making yourself out badder'n you are already-"
"It ain't honest but it's mighty helpful to folks. Secretly, I'm not much of a drinker, but you see they could never, never understand that I live like I do because that's the way I want to live."

Angel of Music, you deceived me

I know this post is belated, but The Phantom of the Op'ry is over! 'Twas much fun, however, I am glad that it is over.
I have decided to write another story. I am working on it, but I know for sure I have 12 characters. These are their names. Tell me if they sound really fake. (*Note: There is no relation at all to any real people- I just stole their names.*)

Nathan Peter O'Connor

Nicholas Jeremiah Schmidt

David Tyson Finch

Braden Seth Braun

Brennen James Schultz

Dallas Jesse Brady

Kari Amanda Friesen

Jade Rebekah Taylor

Christine Riley Block

Jessica Brooke Loewen

Teri Robyn Fletcher

Charis Stephanie Wolf

S'almost my birthday! Hooray!

Quote of the day: *old man leans over to Steph* "Rumplestiltskin"

Get out of my library!

I hate it when there're lots of people in the library. It makes it hard to concentrate. But anyway, that wasn't the point. Should the death penalty be legalized? I just had a short conversation on that. If someone raped and murdered your 12-year-old sister, would you want him dead? Would you forgive him? If you were a judge, could you condemn someone to death? If they were guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt of some horrendous rape or murder, could you kill them? It's legal in the States, why not here? If they went to jail for 20 years then got out, and reoffended, wouldn't it be better if they were dead? They couldn't hurt anyone else. Is that fair justice? Is it fair to the person who did it? Is it fair to the family who lost their sister and daughter and friend? Is it fair? Is life fair? Should the death penalty be legalized? I think so.

Cat eyes

Einsam und frustrieren.
I'm wearing makeup right now. Shocked? I'll tell you something that'll shock you even more. I like it. Not the kind of makeup you put on everyday, but a little bit from drama experimentation. The nice thing about this is, when I'm wearing this, I'm not me. I'm taking a break from my life. I can step out of my regular self and be someone else. I'm listening to Bright Eyes. I need to talk to someone. I need to put it all on the table, to talk until I run out of words, while someone just listens. And tries to help me. Any volunteers? I didn't think so. I'm fricking frustrated right now. I'm never home, except to shower and sleep. And right now to do my German. Which I don't understand. I know all the words but the fricking dative case and accusatory case and nominative case are entirely too confusing. I don't even understand the difference in Englisch, how the heck am I supposed to tell which is which in Deutsch? So if anybody who reads this can speak German and wants to give me some tutoring lessons in Deutsch, please please call me before Sunday, or very shortly after. My procrastination at it again. Warum einsam, you ask? Because I'm alone in a crowd, forgotten, I'm not there but no one notices and no one cares. You're asking me to choose between two of the only things that make me happy, while I'm incapable of the third and fourth things and the fifth and final thing is drowned by the first two. So I get one out of five. What's the probability of that? Ich vermisse du. Give me your address, I'm writing letters. I swear you'll get one. I'm so cold inside. Kalt; seltsam; einsam; neugierig. If you're asked to fight a war that's over nothing, it's best to join the side that's gonna win, and no one's sure how all of this got started, but we're gonna make them goddamn sure how it's gonna end. Am I scaring you?

If I cried on your shoulder would you hold it against me?

I made the basketball team!! This in itself has made me very happy, but for the next 2 weeks, my life is extremely hectic, what with work, basketball, and drama. I'll manage though. I always do. But anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about on this post. Just to warn you, this is a couples rant, so if you don't like reading about this sort of thing, I will advise leaving now.

Anyways, here goes. This has been festering for a while under my skin.
I'm tired of couples. Not all of them are bad, but they get to be too much. Honestly. I don't want to see you kiss your boyfriend goodbye in the hallway at school. You're going to be separated for what? An hour of class? Horrors! I think you'll die from loneliness in that whole hour! And I'm tired of walking down the hallway and seeing pair after pair of people. Seriously, it's ridiculous. It's okay to stand beside your significant other, but I really don't enjoy standing beside people who are flirting and all giggly and being stupid all the time. It's just school. I mean, please flirt on your dates and stuff, not in front of everybody else. And it's fine to have friends that are dating, that's not a bad thing, and I don't mind it, but he doesn't have to be all you talk about. Every subject does not relate back to him. Another point, cuddling in public should not be allowed. It is okay to allow some space to separate you; you're not going to die. It would be nice to be able to talk to people without them getting distracted by their boyfriend/girlfriend coming up. I mean, I know you like their company better than mine, but we were having a conversation.
One more point, then I shall leave. SUPERFICIALITY. Possibly one of the most frustrating things in the world. Boyfriends are not requisite for life. You don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend just for the sake of having one, just for the sake of saying, "look who I'm dating". How exciting. Forgive me for not jumping with glee. Perhaps don't try so hard. Maybe one will come when you are ready, and he'll be attracted to you, not the facade you put on every day. This last sentence is a lesson I'm learning also. I want a boyfriend who I'm friends with, not a strained relationship. I think I'd rather be friends for a while first. I want him to be attracted to me for me, not for the way I look or dress or any front I may put on. I don't want a relationship that's 2 12-year-olds playing Romeo and Juliet. I want something with God in the middle of it, something that's serious, that I can put myself into and know that that special someone will also be putting himself into with equal something (the correct word has slipped my mind here). But that's all I've got to say right now.

Remember, hallowe'en never falls on a date other than October 31st.

I don't know

I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.

I said, "I like your shoes."

You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"

So it's up the stairs and out of view-No prying eyes

I poured some wine

I asked your name, you asked the time...

Now it's two o'clock-the club is closed and we're up the block

Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans

Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out

You didn't care to know who else may have been you before

I want a lover I don't have to love.

I want a girl who's too sad to give a f---.

Where is the kid with the chemicals?

I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure

I got the money if you've got the time

You said, "It feels good."

I said, "I'll give it a try."

Then my mind went dark-we both forgot where your car was parked

Let's just take the train

I'll meet up with the band in the morning

Bad actors with bad habits

Some sad singers they just play tragic

And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving

Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...

I want a lover I don't have to love

I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

And where's the kid with the chemicals

I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full

I need some meaning I can memorize

The kind I have always seem to slip my mind

But you..But you...you write such pretty words

But life's no storybook

Love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt

Do you like to hurt?

I do, I do then hurt me..then hurt me...then hurt me...

Alright, this is just a song. Don't get on my case for it. I know what it means. But I was listening to it today and had some thoughts. It's sad how many people are like that. It's weird how life is, how some people will do anything to escape it, while others will do anything to get to it.

Jess

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
1. I died from natural causes: cry
2. I kissed you: be really scared and run away
3. I lived next door to you: be happy that my friends live near to me
4. I started smoking: try to convince you to quit
5. I stole something: I don't know
6. I was hospitalized: come visit you
7. I ran away from home: find you and convince you to come back
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there? Jess, fighting?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
9. Personality: good, for lack of a better word
10. Eyes: pretty
11. Hair: pretty
12. Family: I like your family

WOULD YOU:
13. Be my friend?: heck yes
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?: yes
15. Hold my hand? no
16. Take a bullet for me? yes
17. Keep in touch?: yes
18. Try and solve my problems?: I'd try
19. Love me?: yes
20. Date me?: no, sorry

HAVE YOU EVER:
21. Lied to make me feel better?: I don't think so
22. Wanted to kiss me?: no
23. Wanted to kill me?: not that I can recall
24. Broke my heart?: I hope not
25. Kept something important from me?: I don't think so
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?: probably, but I don't remember when

:And More::
27. Who are you? Teri
28. Are we friends? I really hope so
29. When and how did we meet? I think in kindergarten
30. Describe me in one word: caring
31. What was your first impression? you could read! in kindergarten you read to the class some Magic School Bus book about going inside Arnold or something
32. Do you still think that way about me now? well, it's good you can read
33. What reminds you of me? giraffes, short cute people
34. If you could give me anything what would it be? I don't know
35. How well do you know me? not as good as I'd like to
36. When's the last time you saw me? today, at school, as usual
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? again, I don't think so
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you? well, I am

hidden from you (this is me)

Maybe judge who you know, not who you see.
Maybe there's more to this than meets the eye.
Maybe I love you.
Maybe I'm broken.
Maybe I don't need your criticism right now.
Maybe I still have secrets.
Maybe I'm sorry.
Maybe this hurts.
Maybe I want more.
Maybe I have blood on my hands.
Maybe we can get through this.
Maybe we can't.
Maybe I miss you.
Maybe I can see through your disguises.
Maybe I can't breathe.
Maybe letting go is hard.
Maybe these haunting thoughts remind me.
Maybe I don't need you anymore.
Maybe there's more to life than this.
Maybe this is overrated.
Maybe I realized that I'm not happy.
Maybe this is wrong.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe I love your eyes.
Maybe I'm tired of pretending.
Maybe I'm tired of waiting.
Maybe I want you to make the first move.
Maybe we're trapped here.
Maybe we're too late.
Maybe I'm guilty.
Maybe I'm innocent.
Maybe I can't take this anymore.
Maybe you're beautiful.
Maybe I'm blind.
Maybe it's good to see you.
Maybe it's all in the word order.
Maybe this is me. Then again, maybe it's not.

Long forgotten story

I remembered this story... I read it once, I don't remember when or where...

Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman. They were married, and she couldn't get pregnant. They really wanted a child. So they begged the powers that be for a child and she got pregnant. Months past, and she gave birth to identical twin girls. They named them Jessica and Jennifer. That night, the woman had a dream. She dreamt of a beautiful fairy, dressed all in white, with flowing blonde hair and clear blue eyes. The fairy said to the woman, "I have granted your wish. You conceived and gave birth. Now grant me my wish: give one of the girls to me. When she comes of age, I will take her to be my apprentice." The woman thought about this and agreed. She still could keep her other daughter. When she agreed, the white fairy pricked her finger and a large fat drop of ruby red blood landed on the forehead of the twin on the right, the child called Jennifer.
Meanwhile, the father had a dream. He dreamt of a beautiful fairy as well, but this fairy commanded a different beauty. She was dark, and cold, and stunning. Her gown was of flowing black, as was her hair, and her eyes were the color of ravens. This fairy said in a haunting voice, "I have granted your wish. Your wife conceived and gave birth. Now grant me my wish: give one of the girls to me. When she comes of age, I will take her to be my apprentice." The man thought about this, and seeing as how he would still have a daughter, he agreed. At the moment of agreement, the dark fairy pricked her finger. A fat drop of dark red blood fell from it onto the forehead of the twin on the left, the child called Jessica.
The girls grew older, identical in every way except for their coloring. Jennifer had beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes, while Jessica's eyes and hair were the color of inky darkness. They differed slightly in their personalities, as well. Jennifer would sing and dance all day, while Jessica was quiet and refused to sing.
One day, when the girls were 14 years old, their father took ill. Jennifer stayed by his bedside, and sang him songs of happiness and health. She sang of sunshine and fields, of birds and streams, all in her melodious voice. As the father was regaining his strength, getting better, he requested his other daughter, Jessica, to sing for him. She stubbornly refused. He begged and pleaded, and finally, Jessica said, "I have but one song. Do you truly want me to sing it?" The father nodded, and Jessica sang her song. As she sang, his head drooped lower and lower, until he died.
When the girls were 17, their mother took sick. Jennifer sang her songs of beauty, and the mother slowly regained her strength. A few days later, she called Jessica to her bedside. "Daughter," she said, "your sister has sung me many songs. Why is it that you do not share in her delight and sing for me? Do you not love me?" "Mother," Jessica replied, "I do love you, and that is why I do not sing for you. I have but one song. Do you truly want me to sing it for you?" The mother nodded, and Jessica bowed her head, and sang. When she looked up again, her mother was dead.
After the proper period of mourning, the sisters agreed that they should go seek their fortunes in the world. They set off together, walking along a mountain path. After several days, the path reached a valley. Near sunset, the path forked, the right leading into the sunlight and seeming the happier choice. The left led into an inky darkness so deep the stars did not even penetrate it. Night.
"Here," said Jennifer to Jessica, "is where we take our separate paths."
"Yes, " said Jessica, "I must go to the left. It is tugging within me."
"And I am just as strongly called to the right," her twin replied. "It seems to me the road to my happiness."
"Yet, I feel as the left would draw me, it would be my own calling, happy or sad," Jessica said quietly.
The twins hugged each other and turned away, each onto her own path. The light-haired girl meandered up into the sunlight, stooping occasionally to pick a daisy and put it in her hair, or smell the wildflowers, or chat with a sparrow. The dark-haired girl strode down the path of her destiny, not stopping for anything except to disentangle herself from thorny plants or to shout at the hoarse cawing of the ravens.

Stand and watch cathedrals falling

All I really want is to know you
to be touched
to hold hands
If that's alright.
And tonight for the first time
I realized
you're unlike all the others
I hope that's alright.
All I really need from you
is affirmation
and innocence
Would that be alright?
Could you maybe understand that
I want to know your mind
and not your body
That's gotta be alright.
Could you and me fall in love tonight
without touching
just talking
It's alright if we can't.
And if you want to leave right now
I'll understand
and I won't hold it against you
It's alright.
Just know that if you want to talk (or cry) I'm here
anytime
anywhere
It'll be okay, alright?

My hand on my scimitar

I am in shadow
So deeply inured that, should someone try to withdraw me,
Thier very breath drawn from their lungs
We should die ere we reached the surface.
The tendrils of dark coil around
And though one may stare, my face is hidden by my hair
The lasting impressions, of blades, of words, draw black blood
Until I am weak enough to struggle,
Tired enough to scream, perhaps trapped in this dream.
The stagnant air of this sanctuary cold against my skin
And maybe all we thought we knew
Was never really actually true.

Can someone else do this for a while?

I am in blood, stepp'd in so far, that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er.


I realized today that I am quirky. I am different than other people. No one else writes the word 'knee' on the knees of their jeans in black pen. No one else wears their bunnyhugs sleeves weirdly half rolled up like I do. No one else likes the Boston Bruins. I love the Boston Bruins. Very few other people hang out at the library whenever it is open. Very few people read as much as I do. I figured I am a kind of introverted extrovert, but I'm still not sure exactly what that means. I am the only person I know who hates weekends. I prefer school days any day. I watch very little television (CSI). Movies don't count. I know very few people who have words on their ankles. 2, to be exact. I love holding hands, I think, but I have never held anybody's hand. (Note: this is not a quirk, it is actually quite common, and that's okay.)

I wrote a poem last night. I might post it later. But then again, I might not. I haven't gotten to bed before 1:00 the past three nights, and the latest I've woken up was 10:00. So I'm not winning in the lots of sleep category. I love waking up early and being in town on Saturday mornings, though.
So, yeah, to end off, the quote up above is my all-time favorite quote in the world. It is from "Macbeth" Act 3 Scene 4, and it haunts me. (Speaking of haunting, everyone go read The Phantom of the Opera, it's in the school library.)
And now, I really should go back to the school to watch volleyball, so leave a comment or something. I like comments. But if you decide to tell me off, kindly leave your name.
Auf Wiedersehen.

It's morning

Wake up! C'mon, it's time to wake up! The sun's shining, it's morning! *Starting to get panicky* Why won't you wake up? *Sees it* You're not breathing! Oh, you're not breathing! C'mon, c'mon, wake up... *Doing CPR* You can do it. Wake up already!! *Starts sobbing* Damn you! Wake up! Why'd you go and do this to me? *Falls on knees and cries* Damn you! Why won't you just... wake... up?

I'm still waiting for... you to be the one I'm waiting for

Regarding The Dictionary Game:
My word was Tyrolian. My blogger has an aversion to letting me post pictures, so if you want to see the picture, go to google, type in tyrolian, and it's the 4th picture across on the top row. It's a fat guy in ski pants reaching up a pole, trying to put a blue tube over it. There are a bunch of hands reaching up at him.

I found an unusually large nail clipper

It's been this way for so long... how do we get back to something that almost never was? Can you be guilty of something you didn't do?

Here's a riddle I wrote... if you get it don't post the answer.

Two from one
Together yet separate from each other
Dark as night and fair as light
One loved and hated, one hated and loved
The innocence is hidden under shadow, the guilt flashes in the morning sun
And the more you look, the harder it is to see which one is which one

I talk to trucks

I have sunk to a new high.
Or risen to a new low.

It's a shocking bit of footage viewed from a shitty TV screen...

When there's nothing left to live for you must live for death, which in itself is oxymoronic. When you hit rock bottom, and you feel like there's nothing left to do and nowhere left to go, and it's impossible to go up, you can always go sideways. You can live for death the way Captain Nemo did. (If you haven't read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, go borrow it now and read it immediately, you'll better understand what I'm trying to say.) Living for death does NOT mean that you should go kill yourself, not at all. Instead you live for things that can't ever come back, and in a roundabout way you take your revenge on the world for stealing your heart straight out from under you. It is a sad state to live in, this is true, but it is better than no life at all. And so perhaps those on the other side don't know how you feel, you can't blame them for what they have never realized. Maybe we just have to think outside of our comfortable little damning boxes, and we'll see what's been plain as day in front of our eyes this whole time.

"The sun came up with no conclusions
Flowers sleeping in their beds
The city cemetery's humming
I'm wide awake- it's morning"

It's Here!!!

It's November.

Yes. I'll try this again. Everybody comment on this post because I'm tired of finding out at random times during the day that people read this blog. So if you read it, comment please. Thank you.

My lungs have failed

Oh, yes. We had a dance at school today. And I wasn't asked to dance at all. again. But that's really okay. Just know, if anyone out there is a guy who cares, or knows a guy that cares, I would love to be asked to dance. But I don't think that there are any who would like to dance with me. Oh well. I guess I'll just wait. On a more serious note...

I had a conversation last night with a friend of mine. About love. How love for people fills you up and overflows out of you, God's love. I don't think its possible to have that kind of love on your own. But I realized something. These people I see everyday, the people in my class at school, and others- I think I would die for them. I cannot say for sure, having never been given the opportunity, but I THINK I would die for these people. If it came to that, if it was them or me, I think I could. I think I understand now. People need to be loved unconditionally. They need something humans are incapable o giving. We could try, but God is the only one who can actually do it. But it's been weird - and here I'm going to cry - but I can feel love for people I hate. There are people who I find it hard to love. That's what I'm learning right now. Love. So know, if you are reading this right now, I love you, no matter who you are or what you've done. If you've never met me in your life, then it's kinda creepy that you're reading this, but that's okay. You don't have to love me back, that's okay too. But for anybody who's reading this, know that I love you. Unconditionally. Forever.

Warum

Fur Lance. Ich hass Wochenende weil ich bin einsam. Wahrend Wochenendemeine Freundes vergessen mich. Abgesehen von zwei; sie kennen wer sie sind. Und sie sind nicht du. Ich liebe du jedenfalls, Freund.

Ich liebe und ich hass

Funny how it is- you can love someone and hate them at the same time. There’ve been people in my life where I thought we were friends and then BOOM! Something happens and they hurt you so bad that you can’t go back to how it was before. Even if you tried to, and forgave them and asked them to forgive you for being mad at them. And you never find out why they did what they did. So I don’t know what I’m expecting from this, I want to be friends but I don’t know how.

A thing I’ve learnt lately is blessing come in small packages. Rainbows. Full moons. Orion coming out. Bobcat lights in the fog. Every morning I wake up to go to work at 4, God sends me some sort of small present, like huge northern lights or a really pretty starry sky. Sometimes its even something in the barn, like two cats sitting curled together or a newborn calf. I think that people who never wake up at 4 am miss a lot of beautiful things. Sunrises streaking the eastern sky. The lights of a sleeping Dalmeny spread across the land for anybody to see, if only they would look.

I’m really excited for basketball to start. I want to have tournaments and over night tournaments and practices and games and memories. It’s the memories that make it. And not always the memories of playing either. Sometimes its sitting on the bench watching. Or going for lunch as a team. Or Lacey dancing in Willie’s huge jacket. The things that make life are your memories.

I woke up this morning with a lyric running through my head. “I realized I need you, and I was wondering if I could come home.”

Open Windows in Winter

Eating crabapples lying here in the dark
Christmas lights cast eerie shadows across my skin
Music in the background haunting my already troubled dreams
Open windows in winter
The cold in here is stifling
You can sit, stay, talk
In the end we’ll listen to each other
While around our feet phantoms dance in shadow

The hour grows late, the clock seems to stop
Neither of us wish to close this window
The cold swirls around us
We can’t break this spell
The lights are flickering out, dying
The darker it gets the more open this window slides
Background music echoing the pain you already feel
This table covered in the things you hate

Morning comes softly, to find
Us still together in the darkness of this room
Windows wide open in winter
Curled together for relief
From this painful cold, this aching heart
Neither of us knows what to say anymore, still reeling from this
This night of listening, to your heartbeat
And this exhilaration of opening windows in winter

Kay Sera Sera

What will be, will be. There's not much you can do to change the world. But you can change yourself.

Thousand Foot Krutch

Drop the ball, watch it fall far below
Suck you in, hold your breath
The undertow creeps in slow
Everyone owns a gun deep inside
It's just a matter of how much you let it slide
Drop the ball, watch it fall far below
Suck you in, hold your breath
The undertow creeps in slow
Everyone owns a gun deep inside
It's just a matter of how much you let it slide
Help me help you they wont be there
Help me help you they won't see
It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts
Drop the switch, scratch the itch, watch it grow
Inch by inch, the cutting board, watch it swing to and frau
Everyone carries one deep inside
It's just a matter of how much you let it slide
Wash it off, take the loss, let it go
Take it in, drink it up, we can just take it slow
Everyone carries one deep inside
It's just a matter of how much you let it slide
Help me help you they wont be there
Help me help you they won't see
It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts
It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts
And it hurts when you're lonely
And I'm standing right beside you there
And it hurt when you told me
That you told me that you tried this on your own
Hope you never hurt
Hope you never cry
Hope you never lose your way tonight
Hope you never crumble
Hope you never fall
Hope you never throw away the
Drop the ball, watch it fall far below
Suck you in, hold your breath, watch it swing
It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts
It hurts when you need me
And I can't break your fall
It hurts when you can't see
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts
And it hurts

Innocence

Sorry for repeating myself but this has really been on my mind a lot lately. I was talking to a friend of mine who shall remain nameless and she said that she wasn't innocent, meaning, I think, that she has had sex. Well, this got me thinking. How am I any more innocent than she is?
I have never had sex, but I have lusted.
I have never murdered, but I have hated.
I have never stolen, but I have coveted.
And on and on and on.
I'm just as guilty of everything as my friend is, as Karla Holmolka is, as a kleptomaniac is.
This doesn't mean that I can go and start doing these things, because I'm already guilty, but that I have done them.
I think the only difference is that I am forgiven for doing them. Still, not innocent, mind you. Just forgiven. And the strange thing about forgiveness is that anybody can be forgiven, they just have to ask. Even the worst mass murderer in history. Even a prostitute. Even Hitler and the Nazis. Even Stalin. Even Jeffery Dahmer, who killed little boys in the States. On death row, he became a Christian.
So though I am as guilty as Jeffery Dahmer or Karla Holmolka, I am also as forgiven as they are, or could be.

painting pictures bleeding colors

I was searching for lyrics to a TFK song but I found these instead, interestingly enough. They're all written by a guy named Roine Stolte for a band called The Rainmaker. I think the band's German.

Last Minute On Earth

Last minute on earth
what would you do, who would you call?
Your mobile is down,
who will write the history of that final day?
That last minute on earth
one minute alone, lost word or cause
for one who had everything,
now unfold this scary beautiful end
Last minute on earth
saving your last famous words
maybe just whistle a tune on a plain bird of clay
Last minute on earth
fractions of time is all that is left
You used to kill time,
now it's time who's killing you, they've closed the store
Last minute on earth
waiting to fly like pigs in the dirt
gold 'round your neck,
but your wings are broken, bent & burnt they say
Last minute alive
check your account, to buy a way out
beating the clock,
but you cannot beat the feeling of being alive!!!
Last minute on earth
saving your last famous words
maybe just whistle a tune on a plain bird of clay
Last minute on earth, in the rapids of time
A story on wheels without rhythm (or rhyme)
Racing the memory lane, high and low
You own the world but got nowhere else to go
Last fraction of hope, a flickering light
Voices so clear step out of the night
...go talk to your God instead of talk to yourself
Look into the light if you're looking for help!!!

World Without A Heart

When you turn away and lock all your doors
When it's getting out of hand, how am I to understand
And then you may think there's no turning back
Running low on self esteem
falling back into your dream
There's this endless hole in the wishing well
Wish you were somebody else
but too afraid to ask for help
Would you play a part in the scheme of things
And I will depend on you, if you show me how to do
We are the troopers, pick up the losers
and turn into a better day
Pick up the sceptics, the non believers
and turn into a brighter day
And the winner smiles and she takes it all
And you are lonely and afraid,
but she doesn't look your way
And they know the drill, taking you apart
And the world that you have known
is a world without a heart
We are the troopers, pick up the losers
and turn into a better day
Pick up the sceptics, the non believers
and turn into a brighter day
Who can tell the price of learning,
steppin out and turn the key
slow and steady fire burning,
feeding on it's self esteem.
We are the troopers, pick up the losers
and turn into a better day
Pick up the sceptics, the non believers
and turn into a brighter day

Serious Dreamers

Left at the roadside with this rapidly burning map
like a magician with no rabbits in his hat
Line up the measures to fulfill your brothers dreams
across the land we pay in sweat, keepin' up the steam
Now you tell me that you can't afford the dreaming
but I know it's just a lie!
Serious dreamers always can afford the dreaming
and you know we're aiming high
Put on your makeup, put on your dancing shoes
into the wasteland we've all seen you
dance away the blues
No time for introversions no more time to play
Serious distractions always seem to come your way
Now you tell me that you can't afford the dreaming
but I know it's just a lie!
Serious dreamers always can afford the dreaming
and you know we're aiming high
From the nest we descend in a mist,
all like birds on thin ice
From the kingdoms of childhood we dream on
and turn to the wise
And the code that was written in blood & flesh
in an ancient time
From the kingdom of heaven
the ships of dreams were sent to enlighten YOU.
Playground Pirates gaze at the Sun
far out sisters and flying Nun
Poor Picasso gaze at the art
Ahead of time means a Lonely heart
War is over, boys are home
move into the friendly zone
Dream at Diners, dying slowly
where hungry hearts grows cold and lonely
From the nest we descend in a mist,
all like birds on thin ice
From the kingdoms of childhood we dream on
and turn to the wise
And the code that was written in blood & flesh
in an ancient time
From the kingdom of heaven
the ships of dreams were sent to enlighten YOU.

I've been thinking

I don't know what I want to do after I graduate. I really don't. I know its too early for me to be thinking about this but its been bothering me. I used to think I'd like to be a nuclear physicist, which I'd still like to do, but I don't want to have to study other physics things before I get to nuclear science. I just want to go straight there. Or I'd like to be a vet but that costs an awful lot of money and you have to go to school for a long time. I could take it though. But what I'd really like to do is be an author. You don't have to go to school at all for that. It might be hard to get published or make any money at all even, but thats not what I'm worried about. I love to write. Tis a dying art, with less and less people reading books and more and more watching TV and spending too much time in the electronic world, but someone's gotta keep it alive. And there are still plenty of people who like to read. I don't want to go to university. I would like to go to Bible School, and maybe go on missions trips or something, but I don't think I would like university. High School sucks all the creative juices out of you, how much more so would college? What do you guys think? I'd also like to be a mother. I suppose I want what every girl wants- to find "the perfect guy" and get married, settle down and raise a family. But I want to travel too. I don't know. I suppose I shouldn't think so much. Another thing I've been thinking about is growing up. When did we get so old? The things we talk about, the implications everything has now, the 'maturity level' we have now. I want to go back to times when I was happy, making magic potions in the sandbox, playing fox and goose, not caring about how I looked at all. I want to be innocent again.

You know you're from a small town in Saskatchewan when...

- it is quite common for people on horseback or for horses and buggies to travel around town and no one cares
- it is impossible for you to go for a walk without seeing someone you know
- people stop to talk in the middle of the road and no one cares
- when you go for a walk, you not only are greeted by every person you pass, half of them also inquire into the state of health of your grandparents
- if you meet someone that doesn’t recognize you, tell them your parents’ names and they will immediately exclaim how much you’ve grown
- you don’t need to tell the bank teller your number- they know your name
- it is not unheard of and is actually quite common to pay for things with fruit (saskatoonberries)
- there’s no such thing as a stray dog- they either belong to everyone or are allowed to roam freely; again, no one cares
- both your parents’ grad pictures are on the walls at the school
- people bale downtown
- you know exactly where everyone lives
- you can see the horizon by looking down the street
- to find out the latest news, you go to the sole coffeeshop in town at 6AM and talk to the farmers
- all the boys and half the girls are pulled out of school during harvest to help drive truck
- by grade 7 half your class has been driving for at least a year
- you walk into your neighbor’s house without knocking to borrow a cup of sugar because you ran out
- it is easy to tell when someone dies because downtown is never so full as when there is a funeral
- no one locks their doors
- everyone can predict the weather more accurately then the weatherman by looking at the sky
- dugouts make fine skating rinks
- if you can’t play hockey, there is only one other thing to do in winter- watch hockey
- people who go to university are either talked about proudly or shunned
- the blacksmith is still in business, as is the baker, the butcher, and the livery man
- if you move in, you are still regarded as “the new kid” until there is another new kid or sufficient time (excess of 3 years) has passed
- you sit on the grass in front of the post office to eat your ice cream
- 40 below doesn’t faze you
- the main course at the town fall supper is the deer Mr. Brown shot
- old people you don’t know come say hi to you at church, and they explain that they are the second wife of your great-uncle twice removed and the last time they saw you was at a family gathering six years ago
- you actually understand this and remember them
- babysitting is free, and all the neighbors take turns
- partyline is still used to its fullest extent
- going for coffee with someone of the opposite sex is considered a “date”
- ¾ of the town is Mennonite
- if you can’t climb a tree, you are shunned
- people walk through town singing at 2AM and they’re not drunk
- if you don’t know what a combine is, you are laughed at incredulously
- TV is frowned upon
everyone walks everywhere

Emo boys are hot

I went to the concert tonight at West Portal. Twas quite fun. The bands there were Whittaker, which weren’t my favorite but weren’t bad, Captain, which was more of an emo band and the lead singer was hot, Silence Through Injustice, who were also quite good, The Reception, which was probably my favorite, and Means, which were pretty good but again, not my favorite. I moshed for the last song of Means, just for fun, and almost got knocked over several times. And I bought a the Reception tshirt. All in all, the concert was great fun and the bands were good. Oh, there was this contest in the middle where people put spare change in buckets in front of 3 guys from different bands and whoever had the most change in the bucket had to kiss a fish. Mind you, this fish was bought for $3 at the grocery store, it was a real fish, but dead, and the guy had to keep his lips on it for at least a count of 10. I said that although I personally would not kiss the fish, I would kiss a guy who had kissed the fish. This also depends on which guy.
Tomorrow I am going to Robyn’s house to watch Lord of the Rings. I don’t know exactly what we’ll be doing the whole time cause a bunch of people are leaving halfway through the day, but it should be fun. Anyway, I saw emo haircuts for the first time really today and some of them look quite good. Some don’t. there was a guy at the concert who had both arms covered in tattoos and his whole upper right arm was a scene from Winnie the Pooh with all the animals from it there. Twas kinda cool. And there were hot boys there. Heeheeheeheehee.

Do You Want to go for Coffee?

An endless sonnet, a perfect song
Reverbrates within my head
Endlessly

We write our poems, you read my mind
This haunting melody
Almost within reach

Waiting for forever, just to see your face
You absently strum your old guitar
Silently

My fingers bled composing this chord
Smile at this ancient harmony
Dance in the half-moonlight

This callous broke and pain runs free
No one can recall the way this used to be
Softly

I write a poem, you write the music
Sadness echoes in these blue eyes
Nothing you can do but listen

What we feel shows in this song
Drowning in our loneliness
Coldly

Maybe all we ever really need is time
To be touched, to hold hands
All I ever wanted was a hug

Unsent Letters

You know all those things you do
The little things no one seems to see
The things that mean so much to you
Well, I've seen them.
The little things you say so innocently, you think that no one hears
The things with hidden meanings, if only we would look
Well, I've heard them.
And I understand what you feel like
I've done the same things
And I know how the pain of rejection stings
I know the fear you daily live with
And though I never was new
I was always on the outside- a fact thats new only to you.
So although you'll never read this
Or take up this timeless offer,
Know that I'm still here waiting
For you to be okay.

Magnetized paper clip holders are cool

We lost Nathan and Phantom. We haven't seen them since Saturday morning. If anyone has seen them please please tell me.

On another note, I wrote a poem last night entitled Do You Want to go for Coffee?
I might post it later. I think I have a lot to say but I don't know what wants to come out so I'll just randomly type to kill time. Do you think time likes to be murdered? I wonder what it would be like to murder someone. Would you feel guilty or would you even care? I'm half done my English children's story and it's due tomorrow. I'll be up late tonight working on it. Since you all care so much about my sleeping habits. Everyone who reads my blog should comment on this post. I want to see who actually is faithful in checking up on my ramblings. My German is going down the drain this year. I want to do it but I am a procrastinator and it is getting harder and difficulter all the time to actually do things and not just say that I should do them. Anyway, I tried to post a picture on here but it didn't work so I gave up. I want to go. Away.

Steph, when do you want to have that composing thing?

It's Thanksgiving but our familys not doing anything except having supper with my grandpa tonight. I love nighttime. Has anyone seen the movie Corpse Bride? It's weird. I liked it though. And I heard the two funniest things you can say to a person. It's only funny if they react, but they are: 1) Hey, you dropped your pocket and 2) Hey, your socks are untied.
Anyway, I should probably leave you all to your wonderful long weekends and stuff, so I'll end off with this piece of advice: Always chew with your mouth full.
Happy Holidays.

2656

I had a dream last night- it involved Casey and the old rink and talking about work and dating. The point is, in my dream Casey told me that I was supposed to phone this number: 254-2656. Who's number is that?

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
I thought of something interesting this morning but now I can't remember it.
If anyone wants to go for coffee or a walk or anything this weekend, I would love to. Not doing anything but work.
*You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away.*

I am Erik

Yesterday I read The Phantom of the Opera. In honor of our play, I read all 327 pages of the real book. I cried. Funny, it's only the 2nd book I've ever cried in and it is the 2nd time I read this book, the 1st of which I did not cry. Erik, the Phantom, reminded myself of me. It's hard to explain. He was the lover of trapdoors, a genius who murdered for fun, the ugly man with the beautiful voice. He was made of death, and so people shunned him. Christine would have come back if she hadn't ripped off his mask. He lived under the Paris Opera House because if he lived in public people would kill him. But all he ever wanted was to be normal. He wanted love. He wanted friends. But he was a corpse. A brilliant corpse, but still a corpse. A twisted sick man on the brink of insanity because all he ever wanted was love and no one would give it to him. If Christine hadn't turned the scorpion, he would have turned the grasshopper. Grasshoppers jump very high. And that would mean great peril for many members of the human race. Erik didn't see himself as human. All he ever wanted was for someone to love him. He had never been kissed. Even his mother had never let him kiss her, she gave him his first mask so no one would ever see the hideousness that hid itself as the Phantom of the Opera.

Bitter Cold Fire

You did it again. My predictions are coming true. Surprise.

Mens rea - A guilty mind

What have I done? How long will this go on, and when can I rip myself away from this?

People

People are strange. You sit here and listen to people and watch people. You feel their pain from a distance or you watch them lose their temper and can't do anything to help them. I can feel people's feelings I can sense how you are. 'Tis a strange gift, and doesn't always happen. How odd. People have started to fascinate me. More and more. I saw someone today. I see them most days at school but today they looked very goodlooking, and most mornings they don't stand out. But today they did. Sending shivers down my spine as they walk past behind.

I have writer's block. I can't write. I haven't written anything in a long time thats worth reading and not for school. It hurts not to write.

Mouse eggs and warm blood

*twitch twitch twitch*

My knuckles have turned to white
There's no turning back tonight
So kiss me one last time

My mother said I was disturbed... maybe I am.
I killed a mouse today it was soft I knocked it out petted it and then stepped on its head.
Random word of the day to be said in a creepy voice: peptidoglycan

It was soft.

This could be my night this is what makes me feel alive

Can you feel your heartbeat racing? Can you taste the fear in her sweat? We've done this wrong we're too far gone These sheets tell of regret
I ADMIT THAT I'M JUST A FOOL FOR YOU
Here is where we both go wrong
Tonight's your last chance to do exactly what you want to And this could be my night This is what makes me feel alive Makes you feel alive
Here is where we both go wrong So sign me up And toss this key cause for now we're living
In this moment that we both ignore the truth It's all over I feel your heart against mine So take a breath and close your eyes
Your lungs have failed and they've both stopped breathing My heart is dead its way past beating Something has gone terribly wrong I'm scared you're scared we're scared of this I never thought we'd make it out alive I never told you but it's all in your goodbyes
Well look who's dying now slit wrists sleeping with the girl next door I always knew you were such a sucker for that It doesn't matter what you say You never mattered anyway I never mattered anyway
Don't shake I hate to see you tremble- trembling You've lost your touch haven't you? And I'm so addicted

Flufferduff Chinstrap

I got a part in The Phantom of the Op'ry. I am the girliest girl of all time. I think they did that because I was a boy in Oklahoma, and because I am, in actuality, not a girly girl. I am, if anything, a tomboy. I think the play will be amazing.

The lake is cold

I jumped in the lake. Sometimes you have to take a chance and do something without thinking about it. If you think about it you'll lose your chance.

I learned a lot about love this weekend. And this weekend I learned a lot about love.

Window seats and twisted climbs

Sidenote: my hair smells really good right now.

Something odd happened today. I felt a weird craving. Okay, you say, so what? Well I craved the company of 2 boys. Very different boys, at very odd times. This post shall be, lets say, different. Of sorts. I shall explain.
1. Setting: Teri is running a cross country race, (something she swore she'd never do again, last year, and was still idiotic enough to decide to 10 minutes before we left this year), and is climbing a particularly brutal hill. All of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever, she desperately wants guy #1 to be there with her, offering her his hand and helping her up the hill, and holding hands with her while she finishes the race. Guy #1 is James. James Woodhouse? you ask, wrinkling your nose. No. James Hack. I have no idea why. If you can, please enlighten me.
2. Setting: Teri has come home from youth, eaten nightlunch, and is showering before she goes to bed, for she is a grub. As she is drying herself off after her shower, she sees in her mind herself meeting guy #2 at a hockey rink and running to hug him. Totally randomly. Now she desperately wants to talk to and spend time with this person. Guy #2 is Ryan. Ryan Goetz? you ask, but you just saw him an hour ago. No. Ryan Schmidt. Man, I miss that kid. Weird, eh?

So little time to say so much

Lately I've been thinking too much. I have so much I want to do before I die, yet I don't think that there'll be enough time to do everything. I had a funny dream last night. I was playing hockey and then I wasn't and I was on my way to some town but we had to go through Delisle first. To play hockey. And right before we got to Delisle there was this car accident. A guy named Tom had died. The car was burning. He had spent 45 minutes trying to scratch his way out of the glass before he burnt to death. And I volunteered to go tell his parents he had died. So I go to this store and ask for Tom's parents and tell them that there's been an accident. They don't freak out or anything because they know Tom has gone to heaven. But there's this other family there and their son has also died. Harold. Tom was angry and drove over Harold on purpose in a freak accident. Harold went to hell. Tom went to heaven. Then Tom reappears to say goodbye to his family and I'm still there. Then Tom goes outside to be carried off to heaven and the lawn is perfectly manicured and the grass is all green and there's this half-buried hatchet with its head (like the blade) sticking up out of the ground and pointing towards us. So I hug Tom which is kinda awkward cause I've never seen him before in my life and now he's dead, and I say "See you at home," and he says "see you in the evening" and then he's gone. So I go to my hockey game.

I am wet

I've been learning something about love lately. I don't know. Perhaps it is not love, but a lesson. Perhaps love is hidden.

Quote of the day: Teri: "...sex..."
David: "How about... we're in Physics now!"

The other thing I learned worth remembering was in Physics class on Wednesday... but it had absolutely nothing to do with Physics. David will attest to that. (Although he wasn't part of the conversation). We are growing up so fast. Life is changing and we're getting older and I don't know what to do with these new ideas that are coming my way. I remember hanging out at the hockey rink with Jess, Carrie, and Kerri while my dad coached Bantam hockey and thinking that the Bantams were so old and mature and cool. I am now past that age, and we are not old or mature or cool. We're not innocent anymore. There's nothing we can do about growing up, but I'm not sure I want to leave everything behind. I no longer understand. Where did we go wrong, where did things change for us?

Ich haß Wochenende

Stole this from Steph and Jess

eyes
1 what color are your eyes? blue-gray
2 what color were they when you were born? blue probably
3 what color are your lashes? black
4 do you have bigger pupils than others or smaller? same size
5 have you ever counted the number of times you blink in a second? nope
6 do you wear contacts? no
7 do you wear glasses? no
8 did you ever have eye surgery? no
9 what was the last thing that poked you in the eye? my finger probably
10 can you touch your eyes without flinching or does it just gross you out? it doesnt bother me
11 how often do you look into people's eyes when you talk? most of the time
12 what's your favorite eye color? brown
13 do you ever just go up to someone and look into their eyes because you want to know their eye color? it's been known to happen..im a creep
14 do you wear sunglasses often? never
15 what eye color do you wish you had? one blue eye and one brown eye
16 can you cross your eyes? sure can
17 do you roll your eyes constantly? no
18 what's your favorite color? (yes, your favorite color to look at): black, blue, purple and green
19 what's the prettiest season and why? winter because i like snow
20 who's the hottest or cutest person you ever saw? nick
21 what was the last thing you read (book wise)? the firm
22 who was the last person you wanted to see? haha...yah
23 what was the last thing you watched on tv? ocean's 11
24 do you read the newspaper much? sometimes
25do you read magazines much? not really
26 do you read much in general? heck yeah
27 what's the first thing you see if you look over and past your computer screen? the school bulletin board
28 did you ever see it hailing? of course, has anyone in saskatchewan not seen it hail?
29 don't you hate it when you have sleep in your eyes (like the crusty crap)? i don't really care
30 close your eyes. (after you read the whole question, dummy lol) are there lights still in your lids in with the dark? yes
31 can you sleep with a light on? yeah, but i don't like to
32 how light is it outside? like, midafternoon light33 can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? yes, all the time

ears
1 do you like your ears? yes
2 do you have them pierced? no
3 how many times? none
4 what's your favorite sound? haunting music
5 what's the worst noise in the world? pain
6 are you listening to any music? if so, what song is it: reinventing your exit by underoath
7 what do you hear around you? underoath and library noise
8 what's your favorite song? lesser things by jars of clay
9 can you wiggle your ears? no
10 when was the last time you stuck your fingers in your ears so you couldn't hear something and why? i don't remember
11 do your ears have attached lobes or unattached? unattatched
12 do your ears get red when your embarrassed or any other emotion roars through your body? i don't think so
13 what was the last thing someone said to you? So Teri, you have a blog too? -Danielle
14 is it annoying to get that ringing noise in there? yes its annoying
15 do you hear voices? not usually
16 what was the last thing you heard that you rather didn't? i don't know, thomas' description of the bass at the concert sunday
17 what was the last thing you wanted to hear, but never heard it? i don't know
18 what was the last piece of advice you were given? study! but i don't like studying and have i failed yet? no
19did you ever put a rubber band around your ear? i'm sure i have
20 go and open the door to outside and what's the first thing you hear? dalmeny noise, i'd assume

mouth
1 do you ever stop talking? occasionally
2 who did you talk to last? byron
3 what was the last thing you said? "grunt" if that doesn't count, "yup"
4 did you brush your teeth today? of course
5 how many times do you usually? once or twice
6 who are you talking with now? no one. i'm anti-social on spares
7 who do you wish you were talking to? someone....
8 who was the last person to call you? christine
9 who was the last person you called? don't remember, probably steph
10 who was the last person to IM you? no idea11 who was the last person you IMed? no idea
12 do you talk to yourself? yeah
13 do you mind? not at all
14 the stupidest thing you said in the past 48 hours?i have no idea
15 do you sing? of course
16 do you sing in the shower? no
17 do you sing in public? rarely, i'm completely tonedeaf
18 do you hum or sing while walking down the halls? sometimes
19 are you outspoken? yes
20 are you opinionated? yes
21 do you speak your mind? most of the time
22 how often do people tell you to shut up, jokingly or not? times
23 are you a public speaker type? yes and no
24 do you stutter? sometimes
25how many languages do you speak? one fluently, and i'm a poser french speaker and i'm learning German
26 how often do you scream? whenever i'm frustrated
27 are you loud or quiet? loud
28 does your mouth reflect your personality on the inside? what?
29 who has the coolest/sweetest voice? anyone with an Aussie accent
30 how do you get your voice heard and ideas out? i repeat myself
31 do you often write letters? rarely
32 what was the last song you sang? Dont remember, probably awesome God
33 what's your usual greeting to a friend? morning, *insert name here*!!!
34 what's your usual greeting to an adult? "hi"
35 what's your usually greeting on the phone? "hello?"
36 what's your favorite food? snowball soup
37 what's your favorite gum? cinnamon
38 what's your favorite word? damn, just cause it's 'forbidden'
39 what's your favorite drink? cream soda
40 is your tongue pierced? nope but i want it done
41 do you like tongue piercings?no
42 how about lip piercings? on some people
43 ever have braces, how long?nope
44 do you have a retainer, for how long? no
45 can you curl your tongue? yep
46 can you whistle, on inhale or exhale? exhale, i'm working on inhale
47 do you grind your teeth? i don't think so
48 did you have your first kiss yet and with who? haha no
49 did you ever french?no
50 how many people have you ever kissed? none..besides my parents lol
51 off the kissing subject already... did you ever have a filling? yeah
52 if so, how many? 2
53 how many cavities? 2 or so
54 are you a lip gloss addict? no
55 how about chap stick? no
56 do you like the dentist? NO!
57 do you have all four wisdom teeth? zero, but i can feel them coming
58 ever have any teeth pulled?yes, one
59 how about a root canal? nope
60 go to a mirror and count how many teeth you have. how many? i don't know, theres no mirrors in the library
61 did you lose all your baby teeth yet? yeah yeah
62 if not, how many to go?
63 what was the last thing you ate? banana bread
65 do you bite? sometimes
66 how often do you snap at people? only sometimes if i'm angry enough
67 are your teeth straight? straight enough
68 can you flip you tongue over? no but i can curl it into a 3leaf clover
69 can you snap your tongue really loud?yeah i guess
70 can you pop your lips? yeah, quietly

nose
1 is your nose pierced? no
2 do you like pierced noses? depends on who
3 current scent? the boys staff bathroom at camp, in the back
4 no coke sniffing, right? you know it
5 what about pixi stix up the nose ever? ew no that would hurt
6 do you hold your nose to swim? sometimes
7 can you flare your nostrils? yes
8 do you have freckles on the bridge of your nose? like, 6
10 do you pick it sometimes? (be honest): i have
11 do you push your nose to keep your balance? um...?
12 what's the worst scent? skunk
13 what's the best scent? boys that smell good, rain, and harvest
14 what deodorant do you use? haha i use guy deodarant old spice
15 what's your favorite cologne? whatever smells good
16what's your favorite perfume? haven't got any
17 what do you use? haven't got any
18 does scent matter in the opposite sex (not as in they shower or not but their cologne or perfume)? not really
19 do you blow your nose in public? no, never, except sometimes in school when i've really gotta
20 look around. find a random thing and and smell it. describe it's scent. and then say what it was: no

touch
1 what does you keyboard feel like? a keyboard
2 what's the best feeling in the world (emotionally)? feeling god moving or making someone happy
3 what's the best feeling in the world (physically)? hugs, being in my hammock
4 what's the worst feeling in the world (emotionally)? anxiety, stress, worry, rejection
5 what's the worst feeling in the world (physically)? being sick to my stomach, pounding headaches
6 what do your feet feel like at the moment? sweaty
7 what do your hands feel like at the moment? normal heat
8 what does your head feel like at the moment? good i guess, there's pressure in my ears from these headphones
9 what does your bladder feel like, especially after this? i have to pee
10 what do your legs feel like at the moment? normal
11 what do your shoulders and arms feel like at the moment? fine
12 what does your butt feel like at the moment? kind of numb
13 what does your neck feel like at the moment? normal
14 are you cold? no
15 are you comfortable? not really
16 where are you? the library on spare
17 who was the last person you hugged? probably my mother, or jess
18 who was the last person that pushed you? I have no idea
19 who was the last person that you pushed? daniel
20 when was the last time you fell over? i don't know
21 does music calm you and your nerves? yes
22 if not, then what makes you chill?
23 what stresses you out? being home alone at night when my family is really really late and seeing a police car go by, wanting to do something really bad and not being able to
24 when was the last time you touched a doorknob? this morning
25 do you crack your knuckles?sometimes
26 what's your current emotion? frustrated
27 ever think you were in love? yes, but it was stupid
28 how many times have you fallen for the opposite sex? several times, but not hardcore or anything
29 what's the worst season (in feeling wise of course)? fall, during harvest when everyone's uptight and it's getting cold but i don't want to put on a jacket
30 how do you feel now, after that long survey? stupid

I have 3 titles for this post...

1. It's 11:11 pm and my life is laid out before my eyes
2. Moonlight streaming through the window...
3. Excruciating Joy

The moon shines through the window and I can feel your presence. So happy tonight I’m about to die. The fire burns ever higher, licking away at my sores. I cried out to You tonight and You heard me, and I prayed for you tonight and He heard me.

Tonight I went to a evangelical meeting, in a bingo hall of all places. On 20th street. ‘twas eye-opening. We sang some songs first and ended with
Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom power and love
Our God is an awesome God
And after that a guy got up to speak and there was a lot of hallelujahs and amens and Todd Bentley, some famous speaker, was supposed to be there but he was stuck in Chicago, which I thought was hilarious, so this other guy spoke and he talked about how God ate with sinners and didn’t bother with the rich and proper folk. How God will always come in if you ask Him and sometimes He invites Himself. And afterward a bunch of people went to the front and accepted Christ, which was really cool, and then the most interesting part. Healing. You heard me. People went up and got prayed over and all sorts of things happened. There were people lying on the ground and kneeling and the laying on of hands and getting healed. There was one guy on the stage and he said that God had shown him that there was someone in the audience who had come in with a sore ankle that hurt them all the time and sure enough there was a little old lady who had come in with a hurting ankle and she stood up and it was gone. The best thing was when the guy on stage said ‘there’s someone here tonight who’s thinking about suicide. You’ve come in thinking that if something doesn’t happen you’re going to kill yourself. God wants you free from those thoughts. Come up on the stage.’ And this boy about in his teens goes up on stage. The guy had described him exactly right. It was really cool.

I miss you

My life seems to be full of "I" right now. I want... I want... I want... What does God want? I need to focus more on that, I think. I need to search after God and care less about myself.

I've been writing songs without music and the fire within me burns down slowly as I wait for you to come back again.

Steph had a really good point about this on her blog, about relationships. And I don't understand my own life, how can I miss someone I haven't seen in so long?

Things happen

I fell asleep and watched you stare at me through closed eyes. I’ve been dreaming about this life for so long, now that I’m finally here there’s nothing I can do to rip myself away from it. I hear the same old things over and over and in the next room I hear you screaming from your box. Trapped. Dancing in the sunshine, you rained into me what I thought was love. I think as I’m lying in my bed falling asleep and these words come. If I wasn’t tone-deaf I’d sing a song about you. what do I know of love? What do I know of life? There’s very little words left to fight. And as we go along the moments whisper by like so many shadows, offering the illusion of time to be. Plans all fall apart in the end, and so we die alone, surrounded by people. But the people aren’t where we end up anyways. Clawing to get in you fall off the door only to be yelled at once again and the pain of rejection stings. Days crossed off calendars go by while I wait for it to rain. There’s no one logical for me to love, and then what’s left? Illogicalness. If you could read my dreams on paper then what would you find behind my eyes. Vapor fading away like dust’s shadow, dusk always comes before morning. And unless you turn to watch me fade I’ll be gone before you get back to me.

Feels Like Rain

So I got back from Heritage yesterday and it was... sweet but at the same time sour. I'd love to say I learned a lot but I'm not sure if I did. I'm still sorting out my thoughts. Some things I understand and some I don't. People confuse me, but at the same time I fall in love with them. Fire licks around the edges, there's nothing left to say. I'm not happy with my life but I'm not disappointed in it. I want to walk away and run into your arms. We made a fire and watched it burn. Sparks flew between us but they burned holes in my soul. Wreathed in smoke I'm the color of ash. Vibrant. I no longer know what to think, there's nothing left to be. I miss you and I'm glad you're gone. Sitting here in sackcloth watching you slowly fade into smoke. What can hospitals do? Nothing left. Maybe something right. I would dance to the music in my head, there's nothing left to feel. Drowning in the lake I breathed for the first time in the red pool. I saw beauty but it was a shadow. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm in love with you. And there's no longer any way to pull me out of this sinking sand. Underneath in Thomas' world I met Justin and I laughed.

Quote of the day: Yankee!! Y is for Yankee!! -Brennan

Heritage Tomorrow!!!!!!

I'm so excited but at the same time...

I’m tired of being so happy and then life happens and there I go again. I’m angry and I know its for a stupid reason and I’m angry anyway. So furious that I stop thinking rationally. I need to grow up and I know it but I don’t do it. Nothing makes sense any longer and all I do is yell incoherently into the muddle, making things worse. Sometimes I think it would be better if I lived in a hole underground; at least then people wouldn’t shout at me. Can I just try life without you always there hovering over my shoulder? What would it be like to live without rules? and there I go again, making the same bloody mistakes over again, but no one seems able to forget. And I can’t forgive myself for what I did. But what can I do about it? At least I can admit I am a stupid idiot. Remembering what you said that night theres nothing I can do. You can’t change the past. But the smallest wounds fester the longest, giving the most pain. like a rock in a shoe. Blistering between your toes. I think out culture has forgotten how to forgive. And give. But theres nothing anyone can do because when the night is over, I’m still awake and writing my story. Asking if I could change the past would my future change as well? Cause I’m still here and though you made me cry I know how hard it is. I didn’t ask to be born but there is nothing I can do about it. Cause I want to live before I die. And when I’m gone there will be no one left to mourn my empty tombstone. The later it gets the longer we are hanging on and I think that that is all we really can do in the end. It doesn’t even matter. The deeper you look into me the more you see yourself in a mirror. Creep.

Can I spontaneously combust now? T'would make such a lovely change

I’m tired of this. Really I am.

Can there be no more new kids? Please?
I’m so tired of this ongoing cycle. I try so hard to be part of a group, to actually feel as though I have friends, and just when I feel “Oh look there are people who love me” BANG there it goes. The frustrating part is that when there are new kids they are accepted in to the “inner circle” quote unquote way faster than I have ever been. Cause I’m not in the inner circle and have never been. It would be nice if my friends would actually call me and try to arrange something where they want to hang out with me, which by the way hasn’t happened since the last time I ranted about this on here. I feel like such a pest, but I get so tired of finding out about movie nights and pit fires and just generally hanging out after its all over and here am I spending my evening alone again. But don’t if you don’t want me there. I’m just saying, kindly don’t forget me next time, cause I’m so tired of people we barely know becoming better friends with my best friends than I am after like, a week than I have in my whole life. I don’t think that made any sense, but that is my rant of the time.
So if anythings driving you to remember any of this, I am still here and I do have feelings. And I know what its like to be forgotten, always.

Just in case. Thanks for listening…er…reading.

Tolkien

I don't know what half the words mean... but it's pretty. And haunting.

"Why the Man in the Moon came down too soon"

The Man in the Moon had silver shoon
And his beard was of silver thread;
He was girt with pale gold and inaureoled
With gold about his head.
Clad in silken robe in his great white globe
He opened an ivory door
With a crystal key, and in secrecy
He stole o'er a shadowy floor;
Down a filigree stair of spidery hair
He slipped in gleaming haste,
And laughing with glee to be merry and free
He swiftly earthward raced
He was tired of his pearls and diamond twirls;
Of his pallid minaret
Dizzy and white at its lunar height
In a world of silver set;
And adventured this peril for ruby and beryl
And emerald and sapphire
And all lustrous gems for new diadems,
Or to blazon his ale attire.
He was lonely too with nothing to do
But to stare at the golden world,
Or strain for the hum that would distantly come
As it gaily past him whirled;
And at plenilune in his argent moon
He had wearily longed a fire-
Not the limpid lights of wan selenites,
But a red terrestrial pyre
With impurpurate glows of crimson and rose
And leaping orange tongue
For great seas of blues and the passionate hues
When a dancing dawn is young;
For the meadowy ways like chrysoprase
By winding Yare and Nen.
How he longed for the mirth of populous Earth
And the sanguine blood of men
And coveted song and laughter long
And viands hot and wine,
Eating pearly cakes of light snowflakes
And drinking thin moonshine
He twinkled his feet as the thought of the meat,
Of the punch and the peppery brew
Till the tripped unaware on his slanting stair
And fell like meteors do;
As the wickering sparks in splashing arcs
Of stars blown down like rain
From his laddery path took a foaming bath
In the Ocean of Almain
And began to think, lest he melt and stink,
What in the moon to do,
When a Yarmouthboat found him far afloat
To the mazement of the crew
Caught in their net all shimmering wet
In a phosphorescent sheen
Of bluey whites and opal lights
And delicate liquid green
With the morning fish - it was his regal wish –
They packed him to Norwish town
To get warm on gin in a Norfolk inn
And dry his watery gown.
Though Saint Peter´s knell waked many a bell
In the city´s ringing towers
To shout the news of his lunatic cruise
In the early morning hours,
No hearths were laid, not a breakfast made,
And no one would sell him gems;
He found ashes for fire, and his gay desire
For chorus and brave anthems
Met snores instead with all Norfolk abed,
And his round heart nearly broke,
More empty and cold then above of old,
Till he bartered his fairy cloak
With a half-waked cook for a kitchen nook,
And his belt of cold for a smile,
And a priceless jewel for a bowl of gruel
A sample cold and vile
Of the proud plum-porridge of Anglian-Norwich–
He arrived so much too soon
For unusual guests on adventurous quests
From the Mountains of the Moon.

Nicole

01. Comment with your name, and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie reminds me of you.
03. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
04. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
05. Then I'll tell you my silliest memory of you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
-----------------------------------------------------------

1. Nicole is... one of my intriguing people. Thats a good thing to be. Shes funny and serious and good at basketball, which means she should play next year. hint hint.
2. movie- Moulin Rouge. because you remind me of Nicole Kidman. Except you are not a prostitute. So I guess youre not really that much like her. There isnt really a song that reminds me of you.
3. flighty, but not entirely. I dont think there is a word for that though.
4. The sleepover you, me and Kerri had in my basement where we planned out our whole island thing with our weddings and everything.
5. The time in grade 8 coming home from basketball in Ashleys van where you wouldnt let anyone else speak for the whole minute because it would never happen again. 5:10
6. a cat
7. I have always wondered why sometimes you like boys and are good friends with them and some days you are like "I hate boys, theyre all stupid".

Steph

01. Comment with your name, and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie reminds me of you.
03. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
04. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
05. Then I'll tell you my silliest memory of you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
-------------------------------------------------------------

1. Steph is short and cool and crazy. She's a lot of fun to hang out with.
2. The Jacket, and Stairway to Heaven
3. crazy
4. i don't know... Can I come back another day to this one?
5. Vanessa... you're good at morshing! and other such quotes.
6. a puppy
7. do you have ADD? and why don't we hang out more often?

Faith Enough

The ice is thin enough for walking
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talking
The world is crumbling but I know why
The world is crumbling but I know why
The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I’m home enough to know I’m lost
Home enough to know I’m lost
It’s just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It’s just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight
The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I’m blind
And see enough to know I’m blind
It’s just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It’s just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight
Should the world rely on faith tonight

-Jars of Clay

Jess

01. Comment with your name, and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie reminds me of you.
03. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
04. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
05. Then I'll tell you my silliest memory of you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your blog.
----------------------------------------------------------------

1. Jess is a short girl who hates basketball but is actually quite good at it.
2. The Jacket cause we watched that together and I can't think of a song right now.
3. animated
4. Probably the same- going in the bushes on the way to Heritage.
5. "I thought that car ran on diesel"
6. A cat, because you love cats and your cat can turn on the bathroom light. You're talented just like your cat. With different talents.
7. I've always wondered why you are friends with me.

I caught it! Jess I caught the baton!

For Jess:

last CD bought: umm, Kutless- Sea of Faces and United- the blue one

song playing right now: Like Coming Home by Lonestar. I'm listening to Hot 93

5 songs that mean a lot to me:
Something to be Proud of- Montgomery Gentry
On Fire- Switchfoot
There is Nothing Like- Hillsong United
In the End- Linkin Park
Fool's Overture- Supertramp



I'm packing for camp right now. Waiting for my clothes in the dryer to dry. Off to work at camp tomorrow! I'm excited, and so I'll see you all in a week.

Blue Like Jazz

I bought this book last night and finished it last night and it is really really good. I highly recommend it to everyone, especially if you are interested even remotely in the Christian faith. It is a "nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituality". it's fascinating.

In other news, I mowed the lawn today and got a nice sunburn. It was great fun. I even mowed part of the neighbor's lawn. And now I am baking muffins for church tomorrow. A Dalmeny homecoming. The best definition I ever heard of homecoming is "a good excuse to get plastered". for the record, I have never been plastered.

And here's a good song by Montgomery Gentry, to end things off:

There's a story that my daddy tells religiously
Like clockwork every time he sees an opening
In a conversation about the way things used to be
Well I'd just roll my eyes and make a bee-line for the door
But I'd always wind up starry-eyed, cross-legged on the floor
Hanging on to every word
Man, the things I heard

It was harder times and longer days
Five miles to school, uphill both ways
We were cane switch raised, and dirt floor poor
'Course that was back before the war
Yeah, your uncle and I made quite a pair
Flying F-15's through hostile air
He went down but they missed me by a hair
He'd always stop right there and say...

That's something to be proud of
That's a life you can hang your hat on
That's a chin held high as the tears fall down
A gut sucked in, a chest stuck out
Like a small town flag a-flyin'
Or a newborn baby cryin'
In the arms of the woman that you love
That's something to be proud of

So I'm graduatin' college, that was mama's dream
But I was on my way to anywhere else when I turned 18
Cuz when you gotta fast car you think you've got everything
I learned quick those GTO's don't run on faith
I ended up broken down in some town north of L.A.
Working maximum hours for minimum wage
Well, I fell in love, next thing I know
The babies came, the car got slow
I sure do miss that old hot rod
But you sure save gas in them foreign jobs
Dad, I wonder if I ever let you down
If you're ashamed how I turned out
Well, he lowered his voice, then he raised his brow
Said, lemme tell ya right now

That's something to be proud of
That's a life you can hang your hat on
You don't need to make a million
Just be thankful to be workin'
If you're doing what you're able
And putting food there on the table
And providing for the family that you love
That's something to be proud of

And if all you ever really do is the best you can
Well, you did it man

That's something to be proud of
That's a life you can hang your hat on
That's a chin held high as the tears fall down
A gut sucked in, a chest stuck out
Like a small town flag a-flyin'
Or a newborn baby cryin'
In the arms of the woman that you love
That's something to be proud of
That's something to be proud of
Yeah, that's something to be proud of
That's something to be proud of
Now that's something to be proud of

Fire Hydrants

I sat on a fire hydrant for a long time and watched the people go by.

I felt like a hoodlum. It was fun.
I watched 2 movies today cause I have no life, but they both had important lessons in them. As follows:
1. Shark Tale- don’t lie, and love for who you are. Here’s a quote:
"She thinks I'm somebody!"
"Yes, but would she love you if you were nobody?"
"No one loved me when I was nobody!"
*softly* "I did"

2. Paycheck- a good mind twister movie. Go see it. The lesson: don't look at your future. It spoils the present and the future. If you see your future you will either try to make it happen or go out of your way to change what might not happen in the first place.

Quote of the day: Teri: "Humor me. Do the airplane thing."
Teri's mom: "Bzzz..." starts to fly the food into Teri's mouth like she were 2 years old.
Teri is laughing so hard she can't eat it. You all know the old feeding games.

Tired of it all

Would all the fake people please stand up?
Thank you.
Leave.

I saw a new kid in town on Friday. He looked about my age and came out of the post office. So I don't think that he is a visitor. Because generally people don't send their guests to the post office. I wonder...

It's Sunday night and I'm already bored. If anyone wants to go for coffee or whatever this week, talk to me cause I ain't doing anything. I feel so out of the loop.

Speaking of new kids, when's the new pastor's kid getting here? I would like to meet him. Call me a creep now and get it over with, but I tend to like pastor's kids.

Last random thought of the day: Nathan is very cute.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

i just came home from seeing this movie and it is amazing! i laughed, i almost cried, i giggled, i went through the whole spectrum. Johnny Depp is an astoundingly good actor as Willy Wonka. everyone must go see this movie. it is my new favorite.

i've gotta go. we're going to Edmonton for the night tomorrow. i hate sleeping in hotels with my family. later.

A long and random list of things you may or may not know about me

1. I’m a Christian
2. I want to have at least 8-12 kids
3. I like wearing jean skirts but refuse to wear any other kind
4. I’ve only had Starbucks coffee once
5. I love to watch people
6. I’d rather be poor than rich
7. I am rather antisocial but prefer being with my friends than without
8. I love the name Nathan
9. I like the letter N and most names with a prominent ‘n’ sound, like Nick or Tanner
10. I am afflicted with wanderlust
11. I speak some German
12. I love to sing
13. My family hates it when I sing
14. I’m tone deaf
15. I talk to myself
16. I have been told “I like your style” by 1 person
17. I like basketball
18. I’m single and always have been
19. I have never been asked to dance
20. I have always wanted to be asked to dance
21. I am both a morning person and a night person
22. I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth
23. I don’t understand dating for the pure sake of dating, There’s no point to it
24. I’m stubborn
25. I own 5 jackknives
26. My birthday is the first day of winter
27. I have a word in my ankle
28. I once rode a horse bareback wearing a dress
29. I am very ticklish
30. I watch very little TV and dislike computer games
31. I can sit at the table for 5 or more hours straight while doing puzzles
32. I find church hard to stay focussed in
33. I can predict quite accurately the next 6 hours of weather by looking out my window
34. I am unpopular
35. I never want to marry anyone famous
36. I dislike most vegetables
37. I love getting hugs
38. I have never been kissed
39. Sometimes I can read people
40. I am a farm girl
41. I have been known to go to sleep out of sheer boredom
42. I like country music
43. I prefer Pepsi to Coca-Cola
44. I weigh 180 lb
45. I love to write
46. I am a poet
47. I would like to be a nuclear physicist, a vet, or a stay at home mom when I grow up
48. I prefer hanging out with boys to girls
49. I shave my legs
50. One of my best friends is a 63 year old lady
51. I have a cat named Freckles and a cat named Whiskey
52. Whiskey has 6 kittens- Nathan, Phantom, Cricket, One-eye, Billy, and Tilly
53. I enjoy caffeine
54. My favorite movies are: a) Lord of the Rings
b) Miracle
c) Born Free
d) The Princess Bride
e) Lion King 1 and 2
f) Mary Poppins
g) Ocean’s 11
h) The Italian Job
i) National Treasure
j) The Incredibles
k) Hidalgo
55. I love brown eyes
56. This is probably why the most attractive guys I’ve ever met have blue eyes
57. I hate horror movies, they give me nightmares
58. I love to think
59. I love to read
60. I cheer for the Boston Bruins
61. I hate baseball
62. I would rather be courted than dated
63. I would like a guy to ask for my father’s permission before courting me
64. I like Celtic music (fiddles, jigs, bagpipes, etc.)
65. I like accents
66. I like Hillsong United
67. I love speed- the quality of going fast
68. I like adrenaline
69. I want to buy a horse
70. I want to buy George’s 300 ZX
71. I want to marry a guy with a Mennonite last name
72. I like the song: Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree, eating all the gumdrops he can see, laugh, kookaburra, laugh, kookaburra, gay your life must be
73. I made up a quote- "once you let go, you wonder why you held on for so long"
74. I want to go to Australia and the UK
75. I figure I’m kinda crazy

all thoughts ideas and wishes (c)Terilyn Block, 2005