I don't care what everyone was laughing at

"I don't know what everyone was looking at
I don't care what everyone was laughing at
I don't know what everyone was staring at
But I think, I think that it's me"

I think that the more I want something these days the more God says to me, you don't really need that as much as you think you do, so I won't give it to you as you'd like it. Be happy with what you have and don't always go asking for more. It is frustrating. We all know that I am not the most patient person around, and as such I hate waiting, especially when I really really want something. But what's in my head is not necessarily in my heart, and if it is in both then it is not necessarily in God's plan for me. Because it's not happening and there's not much I can do about it anymore. Already, I'm annoyed that I even have to try. So what do I do besides pray? And when you tell me to pray it's still annoying because that's what I have been doing. This sounds almost blasphemous because I'm not the good Christian who prays over everything, and my prayers are mostly selfish anyway. But still, I wish someone would come up with a better answer than 'pray about it'. It sounds so wrong to say but I'm tired of praying about this and yet I know it's not the time for it to happen yet. So let's get on with this God. I've told you time and again that I want to do this before the world ends, so what's wrong with starting now? Even though I still am in high school, I'll be out in four months. It's not like no one else has done it. It's not even like I'm starting exceptionally early, in fact compared to some people I'm actually late. I do like what I've got but is it such a sin to want more? In fact, is this such a unique frustration?Not really but I tend to think it is simply because I am selfish. I want this but I want it now and not in God's timing, so it comes down to can I have it now but not for long or can I wait on God and take a chance that this could possibly be forever? And I know which one I want more but it still depends on God and other people and my new realization of how much patience I can actually have.
"He made them run as fast as they could, before they had been running as fast as they thought they could, which is not quite the same thing."
Oh, how I wish it was summer.

It's not in my nature to try only once

I'm wasting my life waiting on you
But tonight I really don't care
And as long as you'll be there in the morning
I'm willing to try one more time

Slow the evening down... the stars are coming out

"It is better to believe when all hope is lost than to not believe and lose all hope."
"It's a song about never giving up, about following your dreams at all costs, and never losing hope."

I think that someone should kidnap Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn, and take her away to a small country town and raise her as their own daughter, away from this ridiculous custody battle and who her father is. The poor child's life is going to be so screwed up just because of who her parents are, or claim to be, or who claims to be her parents. It makes me sad that she, like so many other children of celebrities, will be analyzed and watched and in the public eye her whole life, for no other reason than to satisfy our sick desire to watch other people's lives close enough to point out all their faults. This little girl never asked to be famous, she never asked to have 5 different men claim to be her father, she would never want this. Would you?
So someone, please, take her and never let anyone find her, raise her as your own. Keep her away from this disgusting world of famousness. Take her to Sunday School, make her read the classic books, take her to visit her grandparents every Sunday for lunch. Buy her wooden blocks to play with instead of the newest Playstation. Teach her to ride horses and rope cows. Teach her to sew and buy her rag dolls. Any girl would rather have a rag doll than a Barbie. Teach her to speak two languages, to play the piano and sing. Have family nights and play games with her. Make her share a room with her sisters and let her wrestle with her brothers. Teach her to shoot but get her a pet. Let her climb trees and ride bikes, and go out with friends without supervision when she is old enough. And when she falls and scrapes her knees, kiss it better and shoo her outside to play some more. When she's old enough to date, ask that her boyfriend come get permission from her father before he takes her out. Let her get a job and make money, don't just buy her things that she wants. Let her live a simple life, a normal life, without photographers behind every bush or tree. Show her that the beauty is in the simplicity of life and family. Love her.

You're nothing but a dreamer

What's wrong with dreaming? They always said dream big, and when I do you tell me it'll never happen. You say it's impossible, it's illogical, no one would want that these days. Yet when I say I do want that, you laugh in my face. So I'm different than you are, since when was that a bad thing? What's wrong with the old ways? They had some merit, to have survived for so long. It's not such a bad idea. Have so many people laughed at your dreams that you can no longer recall what you wanted and know only what they wanted for you? Have so many people told you that it was impossible that you have started to believe them? No one gave you the right to judge me. No one ever asked you to. You hurt my feelings, you did, but you never realized it. I have thought about it, this isn't a spur of the moment idea. Why are the things I've always wanted so hard for other people to accept, let alone understand? Why are you laughing at my dreams?

Cousins

sarahhhh. says:
so do you know what you want to do after college?
Tyne says:
travel Europe, get married, and have a schwack of children
sarahhhh. says:
lol me too, except not quite a schwack
Tyne says:
for jobs I think I'd like to be a blacksmith or a postmistress, that's what I want to do, because they told me there's no such work as old school blacksmithing anymore
sarahhhh. says:
you should become amish
Tyne says:
no I like my stereo and computer too much, as bad as that is
sarahhhh. says:
you could be amish and secretly have a discman and computer in you basement and still be a blacksmith
Tyne says:
haha nope they'd catch me, they wouldn't let me be a postmistress and a blacksmith
sarahhhh. says:
you could be a postsmith, or a blackmistress
Tyne says:
HAHAHAHAHA I like that
sarahhhh. says:
me too
sarahhhh. says:
why dont you just be a writer
Tyne says:
because they don't accept that when they ask you what you want to be next year
sarahhhh. says:
oh
Tyne says:
they want you to go to school and pay lots of money and use those brains that got you those good marks
sarahhhh. says:
ya, i want to go and work as a bosun's mate on salts but i tell everyone that i'm going into music
for the same reasons
Tyne says:
work on a boat the rest of your life... that wouldn't be so bad
sarahhhh. says:
i know
sarahhhh. says:
getting paid to sail is the most ridonkulous thing i have ever heard i dont care that the pay is really bad...i could go get a degree and make lots of money and retire young and then once i was retired i could go and pay other people to let me sail or i could get a job sailing and then i would never need to retire
Tyne says:
and it wouldn't really matter what the pay was
sarahhhh. says:
nope
Tyne says:
that's what I want, a job that I love and then the pay doesn't matter and screw everyone who wants me to go to university
sarahhhh. says:
yeah...i feel bad cuz i have really good grades and i know i should go to college. but i don't want to take anything academic...i'm already so sick of school. the only thing i would do i take theatre at mount royal college cuz then i could be in shakespeare in the park
Tyne says:
grades used to matter but now they don't and it frustrates the career people
sarahhhh. says:
basically i'm making my backup plan with all the career people. but they don't know that
Tyne says:
I just told her I wanted to be a blacksmith, that frustrates the heck out of them
sarahhhh. says:
tell them you want to be a shepherd
sarahhhh. says:
or a turd surgeon
Tyne says:
what's a turd surgeon?
sarahhhh. says:
i dont know, just tell them you want to be one. it's someone who does surgery on turds.
Tyne says:
I'll tell her I want to be a English town in the 1400s
sarahhhh. says:
or a scarf or a potato
Tyne says:
haha or a politician
sarahhhh. says:
or a bumblebee
sarahhhh. says:
haha you should go to my school. we have a huge focus on the whole career planning thing
Tyne says:
I'd screw them over so bad
sarahhhh. says:
we had this huge survey thing on what career would best suit you and i almost asked my teacher why "hooker" wasn't one of the options
sarahhhh. says:
or ninja
Tyne says:
you should've
sarahhhh. says:
mrs. topp... i wanna be a hooker when i grow up!
Tyne says:
THAT would be a good thing to say
sarahhhh. says:
or i'll tell her i want to sell wacky tobacky for a living, and hippy lettuce
Tyne says:
haha just screw with her head
sarahhhh. says:
those are my two favourite names for pot
Tyne says:
haha you should send me yarba in the mail
sarahhhh. says:
they might be a little suspicious but if you're the postsmith then who will know?
Tyne says:
yeah it kind of looks like marijuana I think but it's definitely not
Tyne says:
I can't be the postsmith in Calgary AND Saskatoon
sarahhhh. says:
i wonder if you could make tea out of marijuana
Tyne says:
never tried but you can out of yarba and that's just as good
Tyne says:
"teacher, can I be an alarm clock for a living?"
sarahhhh. says:
or a parasite on the back of a vacuum cleaner
Tyne says:
or the cotton in the vitamin C jars
sarahhhh. says:
or that line of dust that you never can seem to sweep up
Tyne says:
or the left cup of a diamond brassiere
sarahhhh. says:
or a large wooden badger
Tyne says:
that's it
Tyne says:
I will be a large wooden badger for the rest of my life
sarahhhh. says:
with a schwack of children ...large, wooden children
Tyne says:
and a postsmith in the yard
sarahhhh. says:
and a blackmistress for a neighbour
Tyne says:
and I will marry a *******
sarahhhh. says:
and drink yarba
Tyne says:
and be very very happy
sarahhhh. says:
and eat inverted toilet plungers
Tyne says:
no that's creepy
sarahhhh. says:
fine. you don't have to invert them. and you can take the handles off too if you really must.
Tyne says:
I must
sarahhhh. says:
"the snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off"
Tyne says:
then do they frown back?
sarahhhh. says:
no.
sarahhhh. says:
they look...
sarahhhh. says:
perturbed.
sarahhhh. says:
but that is different than frowning
Tyne says:
perhaps they are upset that you have bitten their head off
sarahhhh. says:
perhaps, but they are most upset by the difficulty they are experiencing in expressing their emotions without a head.
Tyne says:
ahh
sarahhhh. says:
and you could have a pet snorkelflorbin named Glurge.
sarahhhh. says:
anytime you need career counselling...
sarahhhh. says:
trust the experts.

Singles Awareness Day

Tell me all the dreams that you have let slip right through your hands
Do you feel lost inside of someone else's life
And we're not gonna live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not gonna make up your mind
I don't wanna live without you
And I don't wanna live a lie
We'll never know till we try
Yeah we'll never know till we try
Failure is the only way to learn till you've come undone
The rest we'll never find out what they might have been
And we're not gonna live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not gonna make up your mind
I don't wanna live without you
And I don't wanna live a lie
We'll never know till we try
Yeah we'll never know till we try
So don't tell me sometime just where did we go wrong, yeah
And we're not gonna live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not gonna make up your mind
I don't wanna live without you
And I don't wanna live a lie
We'll never know till we try

-Lifehouse

Ich kenne nicht warum

ich schreie, wenn ich bin so glücklich.

A frustration incomplete

One in three, you are here to tell me we can't do this
Three for three I disagree

There's something sad in the clearness of your voice and the way you sing these songs to me.

On to the point of this. There's a person who shall remain anonymous, who is at the same time the most frustrating, most cruel, and the nicest person around. They have done things for me that are extremely good and pretty much make the entire day wonderful. At the same time, to friends or to myself they are mean and unkind in things they say and the little things they do. They are an enigma. Now, there's an... "award", if you will, that they are thinking about applying for. They have the credentials for it, they've done the time, so to speak, they have a good chance of getting it. The question I'm struggling with is Do they deserve it? Because it is frustrating that they may get this despite their character. There's two sides to their character and I can see both, but many people only seem to see the "good" side, and not the painful one. Still, it would be pretty sweet if they get this, because they HAVE done things enough to deserve it. In the end there's nothing I can do anyway except pray.

And a quote to end with.
Teri: "I want to marry a *****." [That's not a swear word by the way.]
Sheila: "Please tell me you didn't just say that out loud."
Teri: "NO NOT THAT ONE!!! The younger one."