Smile

Teri: "Puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, puppets, PUPPETS!" (etc.)
Jessica: "SOMEONE please answer her."
Ashley: "Teri, no. Puppets is a ridiculous idea."
Janelle: "You're effed in the head." x100 billion

Ally: "I'm welting my max!"

...the joys of hating English

Oh, she's getting giggly.

Wishing on a star

I want to do something reckless, dangerous, foolish, possibly damaging to friendship, bad, and at the same time fun and good, without a thought for the consequences. The problem is, I've been thinking about the consequences all evening, but I've also been thinking of doing it. Why can't I just get lucky? I mean, everyone else is doing it. And as much as I love the way it is and I wouldn't change it for the world, I want to be reckless. Take a chance. Make my own mistakes. Close my eyes, take a deep breath, and wish it didn't matter so much. Live a little wilder.

Sing to the Lord

Heute ich bin sehr glücklich. Heute ist gut.

When I press the keys it all gets reversed

Other people's words are filling my head; I have none of my own. Their songs catch and say what I want to say and therefore my words are as blank as the paper I write them on. And I miss you, you're so far away across the ocean and I wish you were closer so we could talk more like we did once upon a time. It's crazy now, now that the people I need to talk to are all so far away. I hate school more and more these days, the only highlights being the camping trip and nice weather so we can eat outside. I feel like I'm drifting farther and farther from the things that once anchored me here and I'm becoming faker and faker whenever I'm around people. Why can't I be real anymore? Why can't I be what I found last summer, myself? Why do I feel like crying so much these days? I'm sad tonight and I don't know why. It feels right somehow, though. Maybe sad is okay these days.

I still believe You'll carry me tonight

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
I sought the company of fools instead of friends
you know I've been unfaithful
with lovers in lines
while you're turning over tables
with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
thought that love would never find
hanging ropes will never keep you
and your love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
tryin' to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
for solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
than be broken by a lover I don't understand
'cause I don't understand
love of a jealous kind, yeah
love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
one hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
if I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
and love that shames the wise
betrays the heart's deceit and lies
and breaks the back of foolish pride
love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind

I've been thinkin'

"One in three, you are here to tell me we can't do this
Three for three I disagree..."

"When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend
Get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations
With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection..."

"I've been thinking about these funny things that I remember..."

"I'm sorry for the phone call, and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing and not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
And I'm sorry about the phone call, and waking you
I know that it is late
But thank you for talking, 'cause I needed to
There are some things that just can't wait."

"I'll be fine, you'll be fine..."

"Maybe we, why don't we, sit right here for half an hour
We'll speak of what I waste I am
And how we missed your beat again"

"We might die from medication but we sure killed all the pain..."

Make your choice, adventurous stranger
Strike the bell and bide the danger
Or wonder, 'til it drives you mad
What would have followed, if you had.

Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream

I feel like writing but I don't know what. I had a really good evening tonight; I wish we did that more often. Like we used to. I've gotten used to this new idea and although I don't like it I've finally accepted it. I'll be fine. It's cold in here. And it's almost Easter break. I hate school so freaking much right now it's not even funny. So that much time off will be wonderful. This much closer to grad. I am jealous of the people going to Europe this next week. Why doesn't Dalmeny do things like that? Oh yeah, we're a ghetto town with a cheap school. There's something about you that makes me smile. I don't know why. The colors are swirling together like the cold mist and the blue on my wrist, until it's just memories and moments and it spins around in torrents, the clock's going backwards until yesterday is all we have to live for but tomorrow's still waiting for someone to break out of this falling upwards and hit the ground with enough air left in their lungs to breathe for a while, until the clouds stop whirling in their crazy dance and my kaleidoscope eyes close, once you can balance out the checkbook you'll be too poor to play this game anymore, once you balance out your mind the language will switch. Maybe she's lucky.