Christmas lights in the cemetery

Last night was the best night I've had in a really long time. You have no idea what you've done for me, honestly. The silence in the graveyard was so peaceful. Until we started talking. And you're different from everyone else, because you make sense, and you don't judge me when you see my faults. If we were ever enemies I'd be screwed because you know me better than most. You know most of my secrets, but not all. Never all. It would be so easy for me to do what they all say I should, but I can't. I learned in February, and it scares me. You can never know that. Let's just spend more time in the cemetery at night.

Unsurprising but no better off

Today I spent 10 minutes pacing outside in the rain swearing at the trees. Trees don't get offended like people do. And I needed to swear at something. Because you never remember. Or else you just don't care. I'm sick of being the only one who cares. I'm sick of crying every single day, and half the nights. I'm sick of wishing you would call. Just once, can something go right? Can I get lucky? Or is it an illusion that'll come crashing down the first time I try to show you, once again, that I can't stop caring?

Encouraging

"In the girl there's a room
in the room there's a table
on the table there's a candle
and it won't burn out
In the woman there’s a song
in the song there is hope
in the hope revolution
In the boy there's a voice
in the voice there's a calling
in the call there's a promise
and it won't quiet down
In the man there's a vision
in the vision is a road
it's the road to his freedom...
Oh, tell me what you know
about God and the world and the human soul
how so much can go wrong
and still there are songs
In the man there’s a plan
in the plan is his future
and the future’s for his child
and he won’t slow down
In the girl there is faith
in the faith there’s a prayer
in the prayer there’s a promise
In the boy is a dream
in the dream he is standing
and he stands without falling
and he won't back down
In the woman is a picture
in the picture is a girl
in the girl there's a room...
In our hearts and souls
an unstoppable refrain
hope stands in defiance

this is a song about the defiance of a prayer"

Bipolar butterfly

Isn't it funny what we have become? In kindergarten, scared, getting to know each other, making friends for the first time, learning to write our numbers and letters, we didn't really think of the future. As we grew older things changed but life evened itself out soon enough. We had our friends and our lives. At the end of grade 6 we were so excited to go to the high school and leave "Diaperville" behind. We didn't understand then what we could, and would become. Through high school we grew older and learned more, but we didn't realize it at the time. Maybe you can only truly see yourself looking back. At grad, we were generally happy and pumped for the future, but we started to see some of the things that were happening. Things we never thought we would become, way back in kindergarten. Angry. Bitter. Hurt. Addicted. Torn up and put back together. Chewed up and spit out. Lovers. Haters. Dreamers. Defiant. Hopeful. Faithful. Unfaithful. Empty. Full. High. Low. Too far ahead. Left behind in the dust. Waiting. Who do we think we are? And who the heck did we think we would be? I don't think it's the same thing.