Radio and color

I wish I could sing. I wish a lot of things. One can hear the people in concert choir singing from here, it's pretty. Facebook is dumb and stupid and is taking over the world. I miss Daniel. I miss Constantine.

Blue flowers

Funny how one falls into the same trap over and over again, knowing the dangers. It's hard to help yourself sometimes. But I'm learning. Slowly. Maybe. God is teaching me stuff, the question is now whether or not I'll retain it and use it this time. Hopefully. Although I think I handled this quite well it's hard for me to learn from it. I know my weakness now.

Sometimes songs are all I hear

Your day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all her words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you
She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone
She doesn't need him
Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head
You won't forget her
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

-The Beatles

You broke my heart
I thought
But now I know better

Don't say it...

...even when I want you to

Three sleepless nights
This isn't how its supposed to be.
But you are so good at taking your time to get back to me.
I will wait for you forever, if you would just ask me.
I thought that I could change you
but you changed me.
It doesn't feel right, holding someone else's hand.
Together on phone lines, and living at two opposite ends.
It scares me to think, that you could find takers other than me, and better than me.
But your head is elsewhere, and I’m talking enough for both of us.
When will you see it's not (it’s not) so easy for me
you’re careless, and whispered, insulting, and bruising.
And I thought that you said things were improving.
These laces are untied,
but my feet are still walking away.
(I fall from you eyes, your eyes I trusted, you said forever)
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can still be...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
(Don't say that we can still be friends)
Erase my name from this page.
How can you take all these days (What is inside of me what have I done?)
and throw them away (Is this the only way that you will notice me?)
as I sit here waiting for you (for you)
(Dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)
I stay up nights (If you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky (Why can't you look at me can you only see?)
knowing what my dreams can take away (One side, your side, can take away)
Walk away from me.
This night is done.

-Emery

Like anyplace worth being

So I'm here like I've been everywhere else and it's strange and new and overwhelming but I'll get used to it and then it'll be fine. We have lots of reading throughout the semester which shouldn't be hard but I'm a procrastinator. Life goes on. It's weird that most people here are not from Saskatchewan, I've never been in this situation before. Probably because I've never been to college before. Ironically now that I'm here I kind of want to go home, to go back to where I was comfortable. But then the friends I'm making I wouldn't be making. So then I want to be where I am. I wish I had a car. Sometimes I wish I wasn't crazy. But then again, I wouldn't be what I am if I wasn't crazy. Classes are good, I'm taking Spiritual Formation, Intro to the Bible, Intro to Biblical Interpretation, Intro to TESOL, and Marriage and Family. How very exciting. Living in dorms is fun, I highly recommend it to everyone at least once. Same with Bible school. But I want to see Steph... STEPH... come visit me... I miss you for a long time.
Goodnight.