Tonight is the only time I want to be, and here is the only place

I think the word "sanctuary" is one of the most powerful words in the English language. When someone says sanctuary it immediately makes you think of a safe place, a place where you can be yourself and not worry about anything or anybody else. The place where you are the happiest, when you know the monsters under your bed are stuck there, unable to come out, and the demons riding on your back were left at the door. And you know, you just know, that nothing bad can happen to you when you're there, and your problems can't bother you as long as you stay. And you can stay as long as you like, and no one's going to force you to leave, or hurt you. And you're content. Perfectly comfortable. S'alright, perfectly alright. Nothing can touch you, nothing can hurt you anymore.

I can't forgive myself

What hurts more,
A knife cold and sharp on my skin
Or your words cold and sharp on my soul?
Which scars fade
Which pain leaves my lying awake at night
Wondering how there are so many facets of you to deal with
And how many wounds time won't heal
How many times your words make me cry
So all I want tonight
Is for someone to hold me
Rock me until I fall asleep
And tell me everything'll be alright
This pain doesn't last forever
Soon you'll be happy again
Without you tearing me apart
Broken, but never good enough for you

So today was the most frustrating day ever and I still don't know what to think about you. At times you're so kind and you even apologize, but then you go back and cut me down again. Pile my own stupidity and damn stubbornness on top of that and I don't know what to do anymore. It's days like today...

My hands are cold
My head is hot
This fever's old
Yet I am not...

Six passages

"The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone. Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken, but he on whom it falls will be crushed. And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the LORD has said, among the survivors when the LORD calls. Therefore my people will go into exile for lack of understanding; their men of rank will die of hunger and their masses will be parched with thirst. Then my anger will cease and my wrath against them will subside, and I will be avenged. And when I have spent my wrath upon them, they will know that I the LORD have spoken in my zeal. Then you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. I am the Alpha and the Omega..."

If I admit to heresy will you call this treachery?

1. I'm scared of going down ladders.
2. I hate icthuses on the backs of cars.
3. I'm phobic of bandaids.
4. I dislike sitting behind the driver in a vehicle.
5. I go barefoot as much as possible wherever possible.
6. I scar easily but I rarely bruise.
7. Sometimes I just want a hand to hold.

...but I like breathing...

Myself is exactly what I am

We went canoeing. It was fun. It was really really pretty. I slept outside on a rock. That was interesting. I had to wake up to roll over.
In other news, my Aunt Joanne had her baby yesterday. It is a girl and her name is Megan Lauren Mann. I haven't seen her yet.

The countdown continues...

Falling apart to half time

I have been reminded once again why I hate Fridays but on the other hand I am reminded how much I love camp, and the people one meets there.
On an entirely different note, I have decided to tell you all my views on dating, because I've been thinking about that a lot lately for some reason... and because I can.
First of all, the guy should do the initiating. Girls can ask guys out for coffee and walks and whatnot, but if there is any romance involved, the guy has to make the first move. Second, dating (or courting) should be done only with the possibility of marriage involved, not just for fun. The general point is to see if this is a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, that you would perhaps marry one day. Otherwise the whole thing is rather pointless. Thirdly, for me at least, I would want to be good friends with the guy before I started dating him, because then I'd know if I wanted to go any further. None of this randomly taking the number of the cute guy at the mall. That's just stupid. I want to be able to just hang out with a bunch of people, instead of one on one all the time. Sometimes that's alright though. I want to be able to do random fun things, not just the traditional dinner and a movie. That's lame. Although it might take away my loathing of Fridays. Oh, and this is very important: any guy who is interested in me (of which there are a total of zero and that is not a bad thing) has to ask my father for permission to court me. And for permission to marry me but that comes way later. I want the kind of relationship where we're friends before, during, and after our courtship. I don't want to ruin things. I want to be loved for me, for being myself, even if it is abnormal in today's culture. I want to wait for the person God has set aside for me, no matter how long it takes, although hopefully it won't take too long, because I want a family of my own. Sounds like a plan.

Slow it down

I'll rise
I'll fall
I'll fail you all
We built these cities to stand so tall
We've lost our walls
I don't want to lose it, coming down with the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in now with the whole world upside-down
We are one, tonight
And we're singing it out
We are one, tonight
And we're dreaming out loud
And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal
We are one, tonight
Two eyes
One tongue
I've come
Undone
I'm no victim
I paid these dues
I came to lose
I don't want to fight about it now with the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in, now with the whole world upside-down
We are one, tonight
And we're singing it out
We are one, tonight
And we're dreaming out loud
And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal
We are one, tonight
I don't want to lose a common ground with the whole world upside-down
I don't want to fight about it now and the world was burning out
Let's slow the evening down
Slow it down
Slow down
Please slow down down down
The stars are comin' out
-Switchfoot