It doesn't follow...

I just thought it did, because it would in a fairy tale.

Let it die

I was wondering today, how long does one wait for a friend? When do you realize that your friendship is slowly dying? And when is it time to say enough? Friendship goes two ways and I can't go both of them.

You used to be the one who walked my dreams at night
The one I'd pray would come find me
But now you don't try
So I think to myself, "let it die"
We used to walk and talk for hours
'Til I'd given you my heart
I don't remember why
But that's over now, let it die
I once thought I would always love you
And wait until you saw me too
But everything changed without a cry
And this voice it says to me, "let me die"

I'd hold on if you ever came around
What are you waiting for?
But I'm sick of always calling
And it's time to settle scores

You have considered finding me
But some things just aren't the same
We are who we are, and who we will be
And I'm sick of this stupid game

Time's running out, it won't come back again
You're running out of days to wait
What's done is done and gone is gone
And pretty soon it'll be too late

Take a chance

Nothing ever happens if you don't take chances. Live spontaneously or live more quietly, but make sure you at least live. That is what I want to do. Live. With a purpose and without regrets. And so I take chances.

In the rain again

The water it comes pouring down
It mingles with your tears
It envelopes everything in the sound
To remember what happened here
Your eyes are burning in your face
And now the streams come pouring out
They sparkle on your cheeks like glass
So you spin and turn about
You turn away so I don't see
The fight that you're losing, the fire in your eyes
But friend, I already know
The pain that comes from saying goodbyes
So now it's my turn, I turn away
And climb the steps to where I must go
Wet from the rain and wet from our tears
And glad I turned before you saw
the burning eyes
the muffled cries
the pieces of my heart I left behind
Glad that you didn't actually know
How much indeed I love you so

TE EXTRAÑO

With

With nothing to say and everyone to say it to
With nowhere to go and everywhere to be
I still miss you
With eyes to see and ears to hear
It's dark and quiet
But the silence is loud
You know I'm here
With every thought and nary a word
Yet every word doesn't come close
To say this thing, this where that I feel
You know there's nothing left
And no chances
But I'm looking for a loophole
To defy the answers
And in answering
Being me
With you.

Freedom of speech?

We live in a country that claims it has both "freedom of speech" and "political correctness". But the way I see it, they are two mutually exclusive things. Freedom of speech means being able to say what you think. Political correctness means not offending anyone. What if what I think offends someone? Should I not say it? Ever? There are times when it is better to risk offense and say something important, than to keep quiet because you are afraid of what others might say or think. There are, also, some things that should not be said, but that is different than not saying something to avoid risk of offense. For example, if I were to state my opinion that homosexuality is morally wrong (to touch a hot button), some people would become offended. Not to mention I would be politically incorrect. But I do believe homosexuality is wrong (please note: not more wrong than other sexual sins, I'm singling it out because it is such a hot topic these days), and you cannot tell me to be quiet because that is taking away my right to free speech. If you want to offend no one, the best course would be to never say anything at all.
One addition to this would be that I believe the "do-gooders" are more sensitive than the people they are trying to do good by. The majority of animal rights people are absolutely ridiculous. But that's a different story. Making it illegal to spank your children is also stupid. How are you supposed to teach them if you can't punish them?
And finally, I am going to exercise my right to freedom of speech, and say that I realized today that I judge people's intelligence on their vocabulary. People who do not know any more adjectives than the f word are none too bright. In high school, we were taught not to use the same describing word more than once a paragraph, if not once a page. When people only know one adjective, and feel the need to put it in front of every noun, they not only sound stupid, they more than likely are a bit. Broaden your vocabulary.

Looking for pieces

"I'm stuck in colder weather..."
As soon as you think you have things semi-figured out, a loop comes along, and there it goes. You want, you need something that you can't have, or can't figure out how to get, and then you are lost again. And some things that you never expect to be good, like football games, end up being a very good idea. But I completely understand the idea of going somewhere, not caring where, as long as you don't have to go home. Feeling so many things at once is hard when there are no names for any of them. I want to sound poetic and smart, but I don't know how. I'm trapped in my own head.
"It's a shame about the weather"

Como aguja en un pajar

Do you ever feel like you have nothing to offer? Like everyone around you has a place and fits in it, and you don't? Like the majority of the people around you understand where they're going and what they're doing, and you have no idea? But generally no one says this except to their closest friends, because appearing lost and confused is not appropriate in our social circles. This feels especially clear to me sometimes because my brother, and a good many of my friends, are very good at obvious things, such as sports or music or drama. I have no great talent in any "showy" categories. Sometimes I feel as though I have no real talents at all, but then I remember that just because they're hidden, because you can't get up on stage at a talent night and do something, doesn't mean that you don't have talents. And sometimes that is comforting. Other times, I realize it, but it is still frustrating. There are still days I wish I were someone else. There are other days I would not trade my life for anyone's. We are all original. And everyone has talents. Though some days it would be nice to be able to show them.

And now for something completely irrelevant: People should not name their children other people's last names, no matter how much you like the person. Children should have names, not two surnames and no first name. Please, try to be original some other way. No one is ever going to know if their first name is their last name or their first name.

Insomnia

In other words, I can't sleep. So I write.

 

 

The underground

Is harder to find

Than, say, my heart.

You know I miss you

You know I care

You know how far apart

We are.

But I have lost my ideals

To find my way home.

You know the colors well

What should and shouldn't be

Has been swallowed by the sea

Lost to me forever.

Why do we ask

When there is no answer?

And what are we missing

To wait this long

When everything is hazy at best

And all we have left is our name.

Baby steps

It's interesting to me how God, when He leads, never shows me more than the next step, and sometimes not even that until I'm already into it. It is a lesson in faith, in trusting that He knows where He is leading, even when I do not. To give a recent example: before I went to Mexico, I did not have any idea what would be happening afterwards. None. In about May I applied to work a week at camp, because I felt God telling me to. That was the last week of July, and I knew that I wanted to take July off anyway to readjust to life here. And so because it was impractical to look for a job for three weeks, my parents, whom I am living with, were okay with this idea. So coming home I still had no idea what I was doing, though I knew I needed a job. Then during TREK debrief, God told me to apply to work at a flour mill in Saskatoon. So I didn't really look very hard for a job my first few weeks of July, and after working at camp I had an interview at this mill. My dad told me I ought to go put out my resume in other places, just in case I didn't get it, but I said no because I was fairly confident I was going to. And I found out yesterday that I did get it. And so God has once again shown me the next step in my life, right before it was time for it to happen. The part that to me is funny is that this job is only until Christmas. After that I have to look again. But I feel that when the time comes, God will show me the next step. He has never yet left me hanging. He just answers things in His own way, in His own time. And I see no reason to panic, when I know what I am supposed to be doing the next five months. Why plan years in advance? "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'"

I was never in it for the money

The art behind art, I think, is seeing the extraordinary in the mundane, making mundane things extraordinary, and while you're at it, realizing that in fact there is no such thing as the mundane. Everything is extraordinary, without losing its peculiarity. And then the artist is teaching everyone else to see it too.

Home, they say

I'll be a little surprised if anyone still reads this, considering everything is over and everything else is just beginning. It's weird being back in the place you grew up after being gone a long time, because everything has changed, and yet nothing has. People ask me how it feels to be home, and I never know how to answer. I can't say I'm not home, because I am. But Mexico felt like home too, for a while, and I haven't lived here in so long anyway that I have to find where I fit here again too. And so I smile and say, "OK I guess", not really answering the question they are not really asking, and we go on with whatever we were doing. But it's alright because I'm busy and so I can forget this in-between feeling.
There is a refugee camp in Kenya with over 10 million people in it. This is a problem. More are arriving every day. This is happening. Now. But what can I do? I hear this and I can't anymore justify eating three meals a day. How do I justify having so many clothes when there are people, when I have met people, who have one set? You could say it's cultural. But I have a terrible feeling that we are doing something terribly wrong. To know what you ought to do and not do it is also a sin. I'm wondering how long I can keep shutting out this cry for justice that I am hearing. This knowledge that something in me has to change. This idea that I have to do something. But what? They say ignorance is bliss. But I am no longer entirely ignorant, and therefore I cannot blissfully ignore the cries of the people who no longer talk.

Ganamos

That is all.

Debrief, for lack of a better title

The sky taunts me with thoughts of yesterday
When everyone's away
I'm here alone facing you
The colors in the air are crying
You know my heart is torn
You know I'm here before you
Still, the laughter is slow to come
And I'm standing here so cold
The colors ripple in the trees
Saying "Welcome, but you don't belong
You have to find it once again"
Remember the sound of the smiles, the tears
The long nights that turn into years
The memories of times I've turned my back
And thoughts of the things that I still lack
So you know, and you've known, me better than most
Which gives me relief when all else is lost
So with all that I am and all that I do
At the end of it all, I'm still found in you

You know it

There were four things I wanted during my time at Bethany. Well, more than that, but four stand out. And I didn't get any of them. At the end of my third year, I was disappointed for these four reasons, but I said I guess that is how it is, and for whatever reason I guess God saw that it was better that I did not have them. So I gave these desires back to Him.
Then I went to Mexico.
Everything I had wanted at Bethany and gave up, God answered in my fourth year, when I was technically but not physically there. And what I learned, and want to share with you, is that God answers forgotten prayers. He remembers. And He cares. And His timing is exponentially better than ours. Things are more beautiful when done His way.
The four things are:
1) A great roommate who I am good friends with.
2) A good friend who is a boy.
3) Road trips with friends.
4) The Boston Bruins winning the Stanley Cup. (And for everyone who ever made fun of me for cheering for them, now is your opportunity to eat it.)

Quiero ganar

Fan of the season.

The colors in the stars, they dance

The colors you choose
The reds, greens, and blues
They are reflected in your voice
You know I had no choice
I listened to your words, your cries
And saw the same reflected in my eyes
My colors, purple, blue, and black
From who we are, there's no going back
The blue runs through it all
Reflected in summer and fall
When the world wants to, starts to, cry
The rain is reflected in the blue of your eyes
It's the dark I am drawn to, again and again
The color reflected in the cry of the rain
The colors of fire, of water, of blood
And the brown in the blue, the color of mud
To let go again, fall into this flood

If I said you were dead, would you kill me?

Instead of teaching us how to defend the Gospel, teach us how to live it.

Growing up, I never liked going to church. I basically only went because my parents made me. I mean, why would you want to waste three hours of your day going to a large but unexciting building, sitting in a class where you learn nothing except how to goof off, go upstairs, sing three generally boring songs, and then sit for half an hour on hard benches and listen to someone talk about something completely uninteresting, if not seemingly irrelevant, to your life, and then wait for your mother to finally finish talking to all the other ladies so you can go home, change, and watch TV? Welcome to my old view of church. I usually read a book through it.
Recently, I have learned that church can actually be good. It can feel alive. And you can get stuff out of it to encourage and support your daily walk with Christ. Not to mention that Christian community is really really important.
But I have one complaint. Why did I have to leave the country to learn this? One church service from last year stands out in my mind. It happened at my parents' church in Saskatchewan, the same church I grew up in. Maybe I'm jaded, I don't know. But the person who was preaching that day preached on creation. How creation was right and evolution was wrong. He had examples and everything. Proofs. Details. Complicated intricacies of the animal world, proving that we are created beings. And my problem is this: I don't care. People have decided their stance on creation versus evolution a long time ago. I didn't come to church to hear another argument about it, when you're saying the exact same thing everyone has already said. Again. I came to learn about how to live my faith in the world. I want advice on how to love people who are hard to love. I want to know how to live my faith in the workplace. I want to know how to not be distracted by boys. I want community that encourages me, where I feel that after these few hours with other Christians, I can go out into my extremely secular culture and live for another week or few days confidently, strongly, differently. I want to learn how to share my faith with strangers who confront me in the street. I want to know what following Jesus is. And I'm sorry, but I didn't come to hear how the mosquito proves that we are created. I don't give a damn. Teach me how to live so radically different from the world that they will notice, and then teach me how to love those who are persecuting me. That is what I want to know. And then shove me out the door so I go do it.
So my final question is this. How do you bring to life a dying church? Because I can't get over the fact that I feel like the church I grew up in is dying. It's not growing. It's cold. And at the risk of being called an upstart young girl who went to Bible school and now thinks she knows everything, I think something drastic has to change.

Dangerous

So I don't really know what to write... I'm pretty bad at this updating thing. Sometimes I just prefer to live my life, and not tell people about it. Though I know I ought to. That, and I'm lazy sometimes. Maybe more of that. So what do you want to know about my life? Lately it's been eventful in small ways, such that they matter to me and probably not to you, the reader. What are some of these things? I like drinking London Fogs. I have become a follower of three different television shows via the internet this month. I am being challenged to live differently than the world. What will that look like? I have no idea. But I fully expect things to be different. Unexpected. Risky. Dangerous. If we call ourselves Christians, we ought to look different than the world. I'm starting to think that if we don't, we also don't have the right to call ourselves Christians. Because if you can't tell that someone is a Christian by the way they act, they're not doing a very good job of being Christ to the world. And this means that some things have to change in my life. I read a book. It changed my views on some stuff. It is called "Radical" by David Platt. And it made me think. And I think that some things are going to change. Because I want to be different. I want you to see Christ in me. And to live so that you want what I have. Because it is the one thing that is worth giving up everything else for. And it's not easy and it's not safe and it's scary. But it's worth it. If it doesn't change your life, it's not Christianity.

And on a different note, here we are at Teotihuacan:

Reasons why today is exceptional

1) We have started watching a new television show that looks really good. But there are only three episodes out so far. We watched the first one.
2) It is raining for the first time this year. And hard. And we danced in the street in the rain.
3) Lady Gaga has now played four songs in a row that I know...
4) We went to the tianguis this morning.
5) We stayed up really late laughing really hard last night.

Homesick at home

"All the optimism of the age had been false and disheartening for this reason, that it had always been trying to prove that we fit in to the world. The Christian optimism is based on the fact that we do not fit in to the world... The optimist's pleasure was prosaic, for it dwelt on the naturalness of everything; the Christian pleasure was poetic, for it dwelt on the unnaturalness of everything in light of the supernatural. The modern philosopher had told me again and again that I was in the right place, and I had still felt depressed even in acquiescence. But I had heard that I was in the wrong place, and my soul sang for joy, like a bird in spring... I knew now why grass had always seemed to me as queer as the green beard of a giant, and why I could feel homesick at home."
-G.K. Chesterson

Follow

I would first like to say that I dislike "steps to salvation" and I don't know why these came out in steps. But it seemed the way it wanted to be done. We are talking lately about evangelism, discipleship, and things like that, and today during an exercise I came up with these 10 "steps for telling someone about God", focused in one girl I know. I doubt it would speak to many other people, but I thought it was interesting what came, and so here they are.
1) You are loved. You are beloved. And you will never, never be abandoned by this lover.
2) You were created with purpose, and that has not been forgotten.
3) It isn't promised that your problems will go away, but rather that with God's strength you will be able to deal with them. For in your weakness He is strong.
4) The difference between being dirty and clean is accepting the washing. And sometimes being scrubbed clean hurts like heck, but it is worth it. There is no other way to truly live.
5) You have to choose to follow without knowing where you are going, or how to get there. You have to trust.
6) It is hard. You will be mocked, tested, persecuted. Why pretend that it is easy? You have to die to yourself every single day. It is only in this dying that you are able to live.
7) You have been covered by the ultimate sacrifice- Jesus Christ. As repugnant as the image might be, it is true. It is his blood that makes you whole again.
8) It is easy to forget. Don't. Remind yourself every day that you have been made new, that you have surrendered yourself and now live for Christ.
9) Jesus Christ, a sinless man who was and is the Son of God, was killed but rose from the dead, and doing so conquered death. It is in his life that we have our hope and our example. And they may be able to kill and torture our bodies, but the cannot touch our faith and our spirit. For we belong to the One who has already won, and the Spirit of God is within us. It sounds crazy, but it changes everything.
10) It is not enough to know. You must also live. Start by doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God. And you will fail, and God will pick you up and still love you, and despite every time everything goes wrong, keep following and loving Him, because He will never let go of you. And that is a promise.

Untitled

The sky here is sideways
It's different than I'm used to
But the Moon smiles in the evening
And some things never change
I know you stay the same
In the places the stars have been hidden
By the lights and the smoke of our shame
Still the Moon smiles with her secrets
And you still softly call my name
To look at the sky is to abandon myself
Knowing that nothing will be the same
To know that there is now no going back
And surrender wholeheartly to this flame
But I still remember you created the stars
You know them all by name
You know all the reasons the Moon has for smiling
And you lift up my head from its shame

I have not died, just disappeared

Below is an edited version of a passage from my journal. This last week we spent in Casa de Paz, which is my church here in the city. We learned a lot. The focus of one of the learning times was The Call of God on our Lives.

"We keep talking in HADIME about the call of God on our lives, and have discussed the five basic calls: apostle, pastor, prophet, evangelist, and teacher. I asked if we had to be one, and if so, if we were supposed to know which we were, because I didn't. Until this point, I had never figured out which I was, if any. So through some questions and some discussion my pastor told me he thought that I had the gift of prophecy. Which I think I would agree with, although it is not very developed in me I don't think. Prophecy isn't so much seeing the future, as it is affirm other people, call them out on stuff, and confess. To say the stuff that no one else wants to say, but that you know has to be said. And this resonates with me. It is interesting to me how this also keeps you more humble. We all think that being able to tell the future would be really cool, and if that were the main point of a prophet, it might be easy to get proud. But when it involves having to say the things that no one else wants to say, hard things, things that are often as not directed at yourself as well, it is a better reminder to be humble. It comes with a better understanding of what Jeremiah meant when he said “His word is like a fire in my bones, I am weary of holding it in, indeed, I cannot.” You have to say the things you already know someone is not going to want to hear, the things you don't even want to say.
That paragraph became more speculation. I don't actually know all that, it is more how I feel. Like I said, I am not very developed in any spiritual gift. But I am rather excited to find that not only do I have one, I know what it is. And for the first time, to have a real idea of what it means to develop it and use it, and how to do that."

Because I have been without a computer for the vast majority of the last month and a half, it is a bit daunting to update you all. So please forgive me the large gap. Many things happened in Oaxaca, in Mexico City, and this last week in Casa de Paz, my church here in Guadalajara. We have been all over the place and I don't even know what to tell anymore. I have learned a heck of a lot. One thing that stands out to me is that it is fairly easy to die for Christ. Dying is fast, more or less. It doesn't take more than a few days, or at most, years. But living for Christ is hard. When you live for him, you have to die to yourself every single day, and that takes more. But when you learn to die to yourself, to your own desires and dreams, that is when you truly start to live. And when you know what you are living for, dying is no longer scary.

Braiding Grass Hats

Here is a poem I wrote about my time in the indigenous village. Hopefully it gives a better idea of what we did there. There are certain verses that are also about our week at the church planting conference in Tlaxiaco. There was no official church in the village, just 3 or 4 people.

My life is a movie
And I am but an actor
Without a script
But I never imagined
Things would come so far
That I would be where I am
For these scenes take my breath away

I have sat atop a mountain
In a house without light
Watching an old lady weave grass hats
I have driven winding dirt roads
With a truck full of people I don't know
Never wearing a seatbelt
I have stood underneath
The largest, oldest tree in the world
And laughed at the bad English signs
I have eaten a hamburger
That cost 45 pesos
And had more meat than it rightfully ought
(All other hamburgers should be jealous)
I have not washed my hair
In ten full days
Which I think is the longest I have ever gone
I have not changed
A single piece of my clothing
For three days (and two nights)
I have a better understanding
Of what a dog feels like
For the fleas have bitten me too
I have gathered firewood
With a machete and a burro
On the side of a mountain
I have followed the path
Down the mountain at night
Walking by moonlight
I have taken communion, The Lord's Supper
With a chocolate bar and Coca-Cola
(Scandalous! they cry at home)
I have seen that the treatment of the dogs in the village
Would be a nightmare for animal rights people
But I think that we are overly sensitive in Canada
I have learned when it is necessary
To eat lunch twice (and always take seconds)
When you are not hungry the first time
I have gone spelunking
Without fear
And wondered at the stone shapes in the ceiling
I have appreciated for the first time
The colors in my blue-grey eyes
And the fairness of my hair
I have found good friends
In people I thought were unlikely
And through them been blessed in ways untold
I have discovered that it is simple
To be ready to die and to die for Christ...
It is living for him and dying to yourself
Every single day
That is hard
I have stared at uncountable stars
Marvelled at my great God
Who for some unseeable reason
Has seen fit to call me to this place
And work such wonders

It is then I remember
That a movie is a shadow, a copy
Such that even the best one
Could never compare
With one day of a life

It's like coming home

The city at night is beautiful
It's like the sky is upside down
The stars are dancing here below
Reflected on the ground
The city in the day is harsh
The streets are cold, the people too
But love is spreading tattered wings
Reflecting what we knew
The city is full of broken people
Living day-to-day alone
But the hope of few spreads to many
This hope is living and it grows

I just spent a week in the largest city in the world: Mexico. It has the same amount of people as Canada. We were actually in a church in the northern part. And it was wonderful.

Oaxaca... again!

Tomorrow (or actually today, because it is 2 am as I write this) we are going again to Oaxaca, but this time with a very different purpose in mind. There are 15 people driving down all day Sunday, and we are going to attend a church-planting conference, which is one week long. After that week, the real fun begins. The seven interns are staying in Oaxaca (which is a state of Mexico, by the way), and living in indigenous villages for the next three weeks. By ourselves. From what I understand so far, there will probably be a village for each of us, and so we will be truly separated from everything we know. Except God. The point is to learn about the culture of the Mixtec, which is the indigenous group that we will be living with. Learn their culture, learn their language, make friends, live with a family. I've done it once in this country already, although this is for a shorter time and the common language is my second one. I will not deny that I am nervous, though I am also excited. After our three weeks in the villages, we will spend one week in Mexico City with a young church there. Therefore, this is a 5-week excursion from the city I call home. Remember us in your prayers. But also rejoice, because God is going to teach us wonderful things. And don't be worried if I don't update very often in the coming month. I don't know if there will be electricity, I am fairly certain there will not be internet, and I am not bringing my computer.

And if you ever wondered, yes, I do clean up good:

Vamos a cantar

Hijo de Dios, tu eres por quien
VIVIMOS HOY!!!
Vamos a cantar, con la musica del cielo
Vamos a cantar, alegres porque escuchas
Cuando cantamos para exaltar tu nombre

I have realized two things:
God answers prayer, and God loves me.
But the cool thing is that God answers prayers in ways that we never expect. And also shows His love for us in ways we don't expect. Therefore, sometimes we miss it solely because we were not expecting it in such a format. And many times, God answers our unasked prayers. For example, at the end of my third year at Bethany I regretted not doing/having a few things during my time at Bible school. Things such as a roommate who I could actually talk to and going on road trips with my friends. But God is good, and has surprised me with many road trips throughout Mexico, and a wonderful roommate here in HADIME. Besides which, two other girls who let me sleep in their house on the weekends and are therefore more wonderful roommates. I felt cheated because I didn't really get one at Bethany during my first year like everybody else. Turns out that during my fourth year I get at least three. And another thing: never before have I felt so at home in or a part of a church as I do with my church here. Never before have I encountered God so much at church. It has always been at Bible school or at youth until now. Never before have I actually wanted to go to church as much as possible. Never before has the church made me feel so alive. Therefore, WAKE UP, church in Canada, in Saskatchewan, in the places I come from!! Why do you feel so asleep? You're not dead, I know that much, for I can feel you stirring. Wake up! to be what you were meant to be all along... ALIVE!!
Dios te ama.

Nothing is ever black and white...

...except those words I wrote on the page.

Every time I fall
It's so easy to give in again
So easy to first let go
To dance with you my friend
To forget what should be held
To know this is the story
Lacking some, remembering others
What could be forgotten
They come only in my colors
You know that they do
To go out in black and white
Answering those questions
No one remembers asking
But pleading for the answer
All the same
So please give me count one day
And forgive all those old scars
The color of the snow

Safely home

Well we made it to the border and back without too much trouble. We got stopped in Monterrey, and they threatened to tow the car a take a couple people to jail for various things, but we were sitting in the back of the car praying hard and it turned out okay. God showed His power. He works in amazing ways. I am now safe back home with a visa for another 6 months. Praise God. And thank you for praying.

Prayer request

There are 5 of us driving to the border tomorrow to renew our visas. Please pray that we will have a safe trip and that everything would work well with the renewing of the visas. Thank you.

Close your eyes

Your eyes are in a tear-stained face
If it won't be a tear-stained face
It won't be a work of passion
A work of art
What always happens
Hush and listen now
For the cry of passion,
the passion play
The tear-stained face that softly screams
That gives you dreams
And alone to touch and hold you
When everything seems falling apart
You'll still be a work of art


You're still worth far more in God's eyes than you can understand. You are still beautiful in the eyes of your Maker. He loved you enough to die, He loves you enough that He's still around.
So live.

Everything's a-Changin'

Well a lot has happened these last couple weeks. Our missions trip to Manzanillo went very well. Oh and I lied... it's not a small town. It's actually a city around the size of Saskatoon. But when you consider that you would have to multiply the population around 25 times to reach the population of my current city, it might be considered a small town. In Manzanillo, I had a very interesting conversation with a lady who told me she was a Christian and also a homosexual. She then proceeded to ask me why homosexuality was wrong, outside of what the Bible says. I didn't have an answer for her. If anyone has any ideas, comments, or suggestions, please inform me. Why is homosexuality wrong, without using the Bible? What could you say to someone who claims to be a Christian and a homosexual, and happy?

We also got to do our puppet show with Daniel and the Lions two more times, both of which went over really well. It was probably the highlight of my week.

Last week I spent more time relaxing, catching up on sending messages, and figuring out my life. I also went to the post office to send a package, which was quite the experience. I learned what it was like to be the frustrating person in the line who doesn't know what they want or what they are doing, and can't speak well to top it off. At least next time I will know what I need beforehand, and not have to venture home and then back again.

This last weekend we went again to Manzanillo, this time to spend some time at the beach. Except for I was the only one who went again, because I went with my Mexican family. It was a good weekend, except for I got a wicked sunburn. But that's okay. We also ate an excessive amount of raw fish while there, cevicha, which is a traditional dish that involves uncooked fish that you eat on tostadas, and then sushi as well later in the evening.

Today (Monday), HADIME INTERNOS started. This means I moved houses, and now live with 5 other young people and Trever and Joan Godard, in the Godard's large house. There is plenty of room for all 8 people. I have started the next adventure of my adventure here in Mexico, and it is exciting and a little sad too, because I really loved living with my Mexican family. However, this next adventure will be good, and I still am able to attend the same church that I have been attending and that I love.

Prayer requests:

Health for me, because I have been feeling quite sick today. Maybe it was all that raw fish...

That good relationships would form between the interns here in the house. We are living 8 people in one house, with 2 languages, 2 countries, 2 cultures.

That no one else will get sick because of me. Hopefully this is just food poisoning.

And again, that my Spanish would continue to improve at an alarming rate. Almost all the teaching and discussion here is done in Spanish. For the most part I can understand, especially when people are white or talk slow, but I am much worse at actually talking.

HADIME

Happy New Year, and all that.
So this last week HADIME started. It is similar to TREK in that it has a training time, with teachings, work projects, some free time, a silent retreat, we eat all our meals together, there are smaller groups of 3 or 4 to debrief with, etc. It is dissimilar to TREK in that training is 4 days instead of 8 weeks, and outreach is one week. We are also not going overseas, only about 4 hours away to a small town near the coast. In this town we will be doing more work projects for the people there, as well as spending time with the youth and various other things. I'm not entirely sure of the itinerary. Please pray for the trip though, that we would be able to make a difference in this town that we are going to, but also that we as a team would learn a lot and serve joyously. There are 12 Mexican youth and 2 Canadian youth, of which I am one, as well as (I think) four leaders.
These last four days were the training time, and they were really good. Sometimes I was frustrated, because everything was entirely in Spanish, which meant that I did not get to be part of most jokes. It is quite frustrating when you want to be laughing uproariously with everyone but you have no idea what was said. On the other hand, praise God, because I understood over half of each session led by a Mexican and the entirety of the sessions led by Spanish-speaking Canadians. Please continue praying that I will be able to understand more and more, and be able to talk as well. (I understand more than I speak, and I want to share in the discussions.)
Yesterday, we went to San Jose del 15, which is a very poor area of Guadalajara, and there we put on a program for children, as well as did a thing for the women. A lot of people showed up, which was really cool. I got to be part of the puppet show. We put on Daniel and the Lion's Den, and it was a huge success. I was the lions, because I roar very well and speak Spanish less very well. In actuality, one of my puppets was a lion. The other was a duck that we did our best to make look like a lion.
Here is something I wrote during our silent retreat:
You made the stars for us... look how they shine for me tonight
To see how much You love me
Count all the stars
And that's not half
He holds them in one hand
He knows them each by name
What am I, that You should love me so?
Smaller than a star
Dark until You found me
Yet You love this wretched child
Much more than all the heavens

There is a song we sing in church here that I love, and the chorus goes like this:
Y no podría estar ante ti
Escuchandote hablar
Sin llorar como un niño
Y pasaría el tiempo así
Sin querer nada mas
Nada mas que escucharte hablar