They're smiling with you in their targets

I have discovered that I am where I am supposed to be but I do not belong anywhere. I am a "floater" here just as I was in high school. How foolish of me to think that it would be any different. Not that I mind, usually. For the most part I like it, it's just that there are times when I wish it were different. But, you know, things happen. We'll see what it's like next year and even for the rest of this one. We'll see what summer holds. There is the possibility of moving to Calgary for the summer. Although my first love is to work at camp. If God sends me to Calgary I shall rant and scream and cry and go. And probably enjoy it there. So I'm torn right now as to what's happening with summer. Where am I going? Why?

They say things happen in threes

I dream a lot
Of death and fire
Though I do not fear either
I think a lot
About you, though I try to fight it
And fire burns
On and on, flickering hotter in the red-gold swirls
My soul burns
Crying for life and love and flame
And I try not to fight it
But embrace it
And blood flows
On and on, running warm through my hands
Rich and thick and alive in death
Red
Beautiful are both blood and flame
You know it
Don't try to fight it

Remembering is harder than forgetting you
Following is so much harder than running away
Dying is easier than living this life
It is easier to be dead and hard and asleep
But where do you live, and how?
The cold is what makes you feel alive
Seeing color, breathing deep, crying
Freeing the blood to run through your veins
Is this what makes you live your life?
It's just a memory you can't forget
Always looking for a home you can't find
Feeling good to feel worse
Remembering is harder than forgetting you
Chasing is more work than letting you go
Living is what we are called to
The pain is what makes you feel alive

My mind unwinds it intertwines
My heart embarks it wanders off
You never really did choose
I'm slightly irked that you're a jerk
My dearest friend
The air is hot in here
You're making me unstable as well as you are able
Picking and choosing your sides
Lies
I can see it in your eyes
Let me in know where to begin
But somehow we can't end
My skin is thin it lets you in
Bleeding red until I'm dead
Open your eyes it's all a disguise

Too soon to tell

"We're not going to live forever
Can you tell me is it now or never
I'm not going to make up your mind
I don't want to live without you
And I don't want to live a lie
We'll never know until we try"
-Lifehouse

"I'm sorry for the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing and not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
I'm sorry for the phone call and waking you
I know that it is late
But thank you for talking, because I needed to
Some things just can't wait"
-Bright Eyes

There are people that I want to talk to a lot, a whole lot, and I cannot because I do not have a calling card, and I do not want to call them collect. I should get a calling card. But for now, I am slightly frustrated. Other than that, life here is generally mostly good.