there are funny quotes on Jess's blog
one thing I remembered about the speaker at YC is that he told us about this friend he has named Brother Andrew. Who is a little 79 year old Dutchman who smuggled Bibles across the iron curtain years ago. And now Brother Andrew makes friends with terrorists and leaders of Columbia drug cartels and leaders of Hamas terrorist organizations such as Yussuf Aramat. I had heard of this guy only like once before but apparently hes a really big terrorist along the lines of Osama bin Laden. And this little Dutch friend of our speakers goes right up to these guys and goes ‘hi, I’m Brother Andrew, I’m from Holland, and I’d like to be your friend.’ He has pictures of himself arm in arm with these terrorists. Hes 79!!! And when asked why he did this, he said that somebodys gotta go and show Jesus to them. Our speaker said he asked God why pick Brother Andrew and not someone younger and then he realized that God probably called a whole bunch of people to go and do this but Andrew was the only one who said yes he’ll go. God doesn’t become angry with you when you say that you cant/ don’t want to do what He asks. He just finds someone else. I would like to say that I’m brave enough to do that but I really don’t know.
Another thought; I get sometimes where I get a powerful urge to pray for someone, especially after like a worship leader has said, you can pray with people, you can go, or do whatever, but we’ll (the band) keep playing. Its odd because sometimes I’ll barely know the person God wants me to pray for. That happened tonight. At youth. And even if I don’t know them, I’ll get the right words to say and I’ll know exactly how to pray for them. And I was thinking, God is giving me these words, but he needs me to pray for this person. He knows exactly what theyre going through and He could fix it in a jiffy but he wants me to pray so he can work through me or what ever. Kind of funny, thinking that God needs us, but he does. The creator needs the created. How odd. Our God does not work in common ways.
Another thought; when I was at YC the worship leader would say everybody scream to God, shout and tell Him how you feel. Not in those exact words, but the whole place would shout. It was loud, but amazingly cool. And heres the thing. I couldn’t shout. I could speak a few seconds later, but when the people were shouting to God, he didn’t let me shout too. I don’t know why.
Here is the quote of the day: a wet bird never flies at night
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
There's a lot of traffic outside my window and its 2 in the morning
well, now it's 3 am and i need to get to bed. so here's a poem written by me tonight. (i typed the post before actually going on the internet, as we have dialup)
There is only one road
Long and alone
Though in my short life
I have travelled many beaten paths, forgotten as they are
Searching, seeking but unable to find
Hoping deep within my very being,
My soul
To randomly stumble across it-
The lonely road
Broken, bleeding, torn
I piece my tattered soul together
Crying bitterly, reaching desperately
Towards the majestic One
The only One who can reach my tangled, battered body
He picks me up and washes my brokenness
Sets me on the only road
Whispers to my grateful heart
Filled with an amazing love,
I laugh
Follow down the hard road
The innocent King who was killed to take me home.
So its 2:30 in the morning and I got back from YC a little more than an hour ago. It was AMAZING. Repeat: AMAZING. The worship band was Hillsong United from Australia. They came all the way from Australia to play for Edmonton. The speaker was from England. United was UNBELIEVABLE. The lead singer, JD, jumped around and danced like you would not believe. No strings attached- pure, unadulterated worship. The raise your hands, scream to God worship. The kind that you never want to end. 16000 people in that hockey rink. 16 thousand. And every single one of them was worshiping God. One of the most amazing sights I have ever seen. And the songs! Well, we learned a couple new songs that are on the United CD. At least, I didn’t know them. And I highly recommend any Hillsong United CD. Theres 4. You can get them at parables or blessings. And on Saturday night, we sang Awesome God over and over again. 4 lines.
Our God is an awesome God
He reigns over heaven and earth
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God.
You get 16000 people singing that and its incredible. God was in that rink, let me tell you. I could feel Him. It is times like that where I don’t understand how people can say there is no God. There is a God, I have felt him.
Our speaker was Mike Pilavachi from England somewhere. He was really good. Captivating. What he spoke about is running out of my head like sand through a sieve so I’ll tell you when I remember it. Anybody else who went to YC who reads this kindly jog my memory. And I saw Hawk Nelson, who were really good, and TFK, but we were behind the stage so that was disappointing because it was really hard to hear, and Kutless was really good- we were on the floor for that one. Audio Adrenaline and Toby Mac both had main stages, and they were both real good as well. Same with Delirious?. And Phil Dooley and Joel Houston from Australia had little sessions, and I went to those. There were a bunch more but those I went to with Steph, Jess and Lance.
But the worship was beyond amazing. Undescribable. Pour your heart out. Scream to God. Cry. 16000 people and theyre all worshiping the one true God. Loudly. None of my words can describe what I felt in there. God was palpable, kind of. You felt like you were at home in an NHL hockey rink with thousands of people youd never met before in your life. Home. And you want it to go on forever. The worship band, on stage, was amazing. JD jumped around and pretty much did everything you could ever do on a stage while deliriously worshiping God, and then some. I desire to go to Australia and see what it is like at their home church.
So I really need to go to bed now. I’ll post more about YC tomorrow…um…later this morning?
There is only one road
Long and alone
Though in my short life
I have travelled many beaten paths, forgotten as they are
Searching, seeking but unable to find
Hoping deep within my very being,
My soul
To randomly stumble across it-
The lonely road
Broken, bleeding, torn
I piece my tattered soul together
Crying bitterly, reaching desperately
Towards the majestic One
The only One who can reach my tangled, battered body
He picks me up and washes my brokenness
Sets me on the only road
Whispers to my grateful heart
Filled with an amazing love,
I laugh
Follow down the hard road
The innocent King who was killed to take me home.
So its 2:30 in the morning and I got back from YC a little more than an hour ago. It was AMAZING. Repeat: AMAZING. The worship band was Hillsong United from Australia. They came all the way from Australia to play for Edmonton. The speaker was from England. United was UNBELIEVABLE. The lead singer, JD, jumped around and danced like you would not believe. No strings attached- pure, unadulterated worship. The raise your hands, scream to God worship. The kind that you never want to end. 16000 people in that hockey rink. 16 thousand. And every single one of them was worshiping God. One of the most amazing sights I have ever seen. And the songs! Well, we learned a couple new songs that are on the United CD. At least, I didn’t know them. And I highly recommend any Hillsong United CD. Theres 4. You can get them at parables or blessings. And on Saturday night, we sang Awesome God over and over again. 4 lines.
Our God is an awesome God
He reigns over heaven and earth
With wisdom, power and love
Our God is an awesome God.
You get 16000 people singing that and its incredible. God was in that rink, let me tell you. I could feel Him. It is times like that where I don’t understand how people can say there is no God. There is a God, I have felt him.
Our speaker was Mike Pilavachi from England somewhere. He was really good. Captivating. What he spoke about is running out of my head like sand through a sieve so I’ll tell you when I remember it. Anybody else who went to YC who reads this kindly jog my memory. And I saw Hawk Nelson, who were really good, and TFK, but we were behind the stage so that was disappointing because it was really hard to hear, and Kutless was really good- we were on the floor for that one. Audio Adrenaline and Toby Mac both had main stages, and they were both real good as well. Same with Delirious?. And Phil Dooley and Joel Houston from Australia had little sessions, and I went to those. There were a bunch more but those I went to with Steph, Jess and Lance.
But the worship was beyond amazing. Undescribable. Pour your heart out. Scream to God. Cry. 16000 people and theyre all worshiping the one true God. Loudly. None of my words can describe what I felt in there. God was palpable, kind of. You felt like you were at home in an NHL hockey rink with thousands of people youd never met before in your life. Home. And you want it to go on forever. The worship band, on stage, was amazing. JD jumped around and pretty much did everything you could ever do on a stage while deliriously worshiping God, and then some. I desire to go to Australia and see what it is like at their home church.
So I really need to go to bed now. I’ll post more about YC tomorrow…um…later this morning?
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
Switchfoot
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you
Knows there's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
And you're on fire when he's near you
You're on fire when he speaks
You're on fire burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be near you
When everything inside me
Looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
And I'm on fire when you're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing at the edge of everything I've ever been before
And I've been standing at the edge of me
Standing at the edge
And I'm on fire when you're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
On Fire by Switchfoot
id italicize it but my computer is screwy and i cant figure out how.
anyways, this song, is probably one of my favorite songs ever. it reminds me of Nick, of all people. if you doon't know who Nick is, he is probably the most amazing guy ive ever met, and i haven't seen him or spoken to him since last August, so i don't have a crush on him. this song, every time i hear it, reminds me very strongly of him. i haven't a faintest idea why. if anybody does, could they please comment and inform me.
quote of the day: happieness is so hard to find. (spoken with a French accent) -the bad girl off of the Beverly hillbillies
They tell you when you need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be
But everything inside you
Knows there's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words
And you're on fire when he's near you
You're on fire when he speaks
You're on fire burning at these mysteries
Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be near you
When everything inside me
Looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take
And I'm on fire when you're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing at the edge of everything I've ever been before
And I've been standing at the edge of me
Standing at the edge
And I'm on fire when you're near me
I'm on fire when you speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries
On Fire by Switchfoot
id italicize it but my computer is screwy and i cant figure out how.
anyways, this song, is probably one of my favorite songs ever. it reminds me of Nick, of all people. if you doon't know who Nick is, he is probably the most amazing guy ive ever met, and i haven't seen him or spoken to him since last August, so i don't have a crush on him. this song, every time i hear it, reminds me very strongly of him. i haven't a faintest idea why. if anybody does, could they please comment and inform me.
quote of the day: happieness is so hard to find. (spoken with a French accent) -the bad girl off of the Beverly hillbillies
through my lonely eyes
Sometimes, I wish I was what I am not, but when I am, I get so confused.
I’m so SICK AND TIRED of being lonely. You got that? Almost every single fricken time that I call somebody and ask them what they are doing that evening, they tell me that they are already busy. 2 times in the last month have I gotten to do something. And when I ask them at school what they are doing that evening and they say nothing, and I try to call them later to see if they want to hang out, they are invariably already busy. Do I NOT MATTER TO ANYBODY? Does anybody care? Cause I am not feeling it if any one does. Stop sending me to the stupid bloody counsellor saying I seem unhappy. What the hell can she do about it? NOTHING. That’s right, you heard me. Nothing. She can’t make me have friends when I don’t seem to. And I want somebody to call me sometime. Is that too much to ask? Can I, just once, not have to arrange hanging out with my friends? Can they do it? Oh wait, that’s right, I don’t have any friends. Or at least, if you don’t want to hang out with me, tell me so I can stop asking. Then at least I can stop being hurt every time I get rejected, and only have 1 big pain, instead of many little ones. Damn it, guys, why do you think my ankle looks like it does? And why do people act civil towards me when they hate me? Can you stop having big parties that EVERY SINGLE FRIEND you think you have is invited to, except me? *glares at Lance, who doesn’t read this blog anyway* I’m sorry, I’m trying to forgive you. Can you remember me at least once, but if not, STOP talking about what a great time you had. I’m tired of grinning and feeling like a total reject. Ok? Can you make up your mind whether you want me as a friend or not? And if the answers yes, can you try not to forget about me. And don’t use the old excuse, you don’t live in town. I can get my self in town easy. Or do you want me to change something? I can try to change if that’s what you want, but I refuse to change my personality. But I can change habits and stuff like that. Why do you think I read so much? In books, no one can hurt you. you can leave your own miserable existence behind and get lost in another world. I’m tired of trudging along day to day, lost in the sludge of my friendlessness. I’m tired of begging. Am I not pretty enough? I know I have no good looks to speak of, but if that’s the problem then I have pretty shallow friends. Theres a cry in my heart, and God can fill it, but He seems to have decided to let me learn for myself. So can any of my friends, if I still have any, at least try. I’m so damn tired of being lonely. So I write. Writing releases your emotions. So heres a poem I wrote about somebody else, but if any one wants to look past my eyes this probably applies to me too.
SCREAMING IN PAIN
Now you’re laughing, now you’re crying, now you’re screaming in pain
To the world you put on a pretty face
You laugh you talk you party
But I can see inside your soul
To where you’re torn and hurt and empty
You’re searching…you don’t know what you’re looking for
And you’re backed into a corner
Inside, where I see, where it counts
You feel used and you’re about to break
You’re too worn to feel anything
Let alone love
So you go through life alone, a shadow of yourself
And I see you and I cry
Because you are what I might have been
And might still become
A hollow shell
You act tough and cocky but inside you cry
And I scream
Because you hate your life
And I love you.
I’m so SICK AND TIRED of being lonely. You got that? Almost every single fricken time that I call somebody and ask them what they are doing that evening, they tell me that they are already busy. 2 times in the last month have I gotten to do something. And when I ask them at school what they are doing that evening and they say nothing, and I try to call them later to see if they want to hang out, they are invariably already busy. Do I NOT MATTER TO ANYBODY? Does anybody care? Cause I am not feeling it if any one does. Stop sending me to the stupid bloody counsellor saying I seem unhappy. What the hell can she do about it? NOTHING. That’s right, you heard me. Nothing. She can’t make me have friends when I don’t seem to. And I want somebody to call me sometime. Is that too much to ask? Can I, just once, not have to arrange hanging out with my friends? Can they do it? Oh wait, that’s right, I don’t have any friends. Or at least, if you don’t want to hang out with me, tell me so I can stop asking. Then at least I can stop being hurt every time I get rejected, and only have 1 big pain, instead of many little ones. Damn it, guys, why do you think my ankle looks like it does? And why do people act civil towards me when they hate me? Can you stop having big parties that EVERY SINGLE FRIEND you think you have is invited to, except me? *glares at Lance, who doesn’t read this blog anyway* I’m sorry, I’m trying to forgive you. Can you remember me at least once, but if not, STOP talking about what a great time you had. I’m tired of grinning and feeling like a total reject. Ok? Can you make up your mind whether you want me as a friend or not? And if the answers yes, can you try not to forget about me. And don’t use the old excuse, you don’t live in town. I can get my self in town easy. Or do you want me to change something? I can try to change if that’s what you want, but I refuse to change my personality. But I can change habits and stuff like that. Why do you think I read so much? In books, no one can hurt you. you can leave your own miserable existence behind and get lost in another world. I’m tired of trudging along day to day, lost in the sludge of my friendlessness. I’m tired of begging. Am I not pretty enough? I know I have no good looks to speak of, but if that’s the problem then I have pretty shallow friends. Theres a cry in my heart, and God can fill it, but He seems to have decided to let me learn for myself. So can any of my friends, if I still have any, at least try. I’m so damn tired of being lonely. So I write. Writing releases your emotions. So heres a poem I wrote about somebody else, but if any one wants to look past my eyes this probably applies to me too.
SCREAMING IN PAIN
Now you’re laughing, now you’re crying, now you’re screaming in pain
To the world you put on a pretty face
You laugh you talk you party
But I can see inside your soul
To where you’re torn and hurt and empty
You’re searching…you don’t know what you’re looking for
And you’re backed into a corner
Inside, where I see, where it counts
You feel used and you’re about to break
You’re too worn to feel anything
Let alone love
So you go through life alone, a shadow of yourself
And I see you and I cry
Because you are what I might have been
And might still become
A hollow shell
You act tough and cocky but inside you cry
And I scream
Because you hate your life
And I love you.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
creeping charlie-you'll know I'm here when you have to fight him
track was yesterday- i could've done better. 1 ribbon-6th place in the 400. out of 7. but i never trained. i had coffee this morning. this usually makes me really really hyper round about 2nd class.
so i went to that fire and glory thing last night and it was freakin amazing!!! nolan clark is an amazing speaker and he really gets his point across using these wierd analogies that totally help you see the point. and the worship was awesome. and we went to tim hortons after where Braden told about a commercial where a guy pulls a leprechaun out of his pocket and Cody thought he said leopard. i thought it was hilarious.
here, i'm going to make a list of things i want to do before i die.
1. travel England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales
2. have a song written about me
3. sleep under the stars
4. go to Australia
5. ride in a hot air balloon
6. learn to dance
7. learn to play the bagpipes
8. have a first kiss
9. create antimatter
10. i don't remember any more
i hate people who think that they are all that and they most definatly aren't. they make me angry. if i ever become that you have my permission to shoot me.
i had a thought the other day, actually, i had 2. 1 was, if a boy asks you out (if any boys read this, which i don't know, then this thought doesn't apply to you) and you are not sure whether he actually likes you or just your looks (if you have any, because i don't) or is just desperate, you tell him to wait 3 months. which is a long time because that is good. and after he is your friend for 3 months and you've gotten to know him better, if he still wants to go out with you and you like him, then you can date/court. if he doesn't like you after the 3 months then it is probably a good thing you never went out in the first place or else he was desperate and found someone else, in which case he wasn't worth dating to begin with.
the other thought was there is a difference betwween dating and courting. if i already posted this then you can just ignore it. you can date your dad or your best friend or your sister or 5 people at the same time. a date is just going to hang out in any fashion with anybody to get to know them better. but courting is when a male and a female date for the intention of finding out whether you want to marry that person. teens shouldn't court. they are not generally old enough or mature enough. i include myself in this. courting is dating exclusively, and there's a lot less chance you'll get your heart broken. the only problem with these thoughts is that i don't know whether i'll take my own advice or not, having, never been put in that situation.
and the quote of the day is...
oh, leprechaun. i thought you said leopard. -Cody
so i went to that fire and glory thing last night and it was freakin amazing!!! nolan clark is an amazing speaker and he really gets his point across using these wierd analogies that totally help you see the point. and the worship was awesome. and we went to tim hortons after where Braden told about a commercial where a guy pulls a leprechaun out of his pocket and Cody thought he said leopard. i thought it was hilarious.
here, i'm going to make a list of things i want to do before i die.
1. travel England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales
2. have a song written about me
3. sleep under the stars
4. go to Australia
5. ride in a hot air balloon
6. learn to dance
7. learn to play the bagpipes
8. have a first kiss
9. create antimatter
10. i don't remember any more
i hate people who think that they are all that and they most definatly aren't. they make me angry. if i ever become that you have my permission to shoot me.
i had a thought the other day, actually, i had 2. 1 was, if a boy asks you out (if any boys read this, which i don't know, then this thought doesn't apply to you) and you are not sure whether he actually likes you or just your looks (if you have any, because i don't) or is just desperate, you tell him to wait 3 months. which is a long time because that is good. and after he is your friend for 3 months and you've gotten to know him better, if he still wants to go out with you and you like him, then you can date/court. if he doesn't like you after the 3 months then it is probably a good thing you never went out in the first place or else he was desperate and found someone else, in which case he wasn't worth dating to begin with.
the other thought was there is a difference betwween dating and courting. if i already posted this then you can just ignore it. you can date your dad or your best friend or your sister or 5 people at the same time. a date is just going to hang out in any fashion with anybody to get to know them better. but courting is when a male and a female date for the intention of finding out whether you want to marry that person. teens shouldn't court. they are not generally old enough or mature enough. i include myself in this. courting is dating exclusively, and there's a lot less chance you'll get your heart broken. the only problem with these thoughts is that i don't know whether i'll take my own advice or not, having, never been put in that situation.
and the quote of the day is...
oh, leprechaun. i thought you said leopard. -Cody
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
actually, i tried to watch the Princess Diaries but it didn't work. so i brought it back and bought Blade Runner instead.
i'm doing horticulture in Home Ec right now. does anybody give a damn about what a corm or a rhizome is? i didn't think so. i don't even know.
track's tomorrow. i am most definately not ready, but Dan is and i'm going to watch him run tonight before youth. and before that i am going to vaccinate and deworm horses at Baynton's all afternoon. so that'll be fun. my life is so busy. and tomorrow night there is that Fire and Glory conference that i am going to with Gwen. which i am very excited for.
and in the tradition of Steph and Jess, here is a list of my favorite books (i know, it's not very exciting, but i recommend these to anyone who likes to read)
1. The Most Important Little Boy in the World by Dean Briggs
2. Obsessed by Ted Dekker
3. Black, Red, and White by Ted Dekker
4. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
5. The Reckoning by James Byron Huggins
6. The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis
7. Harry Potter by JK Rowling
8. This Present Darkness/Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti
That's all i can think of for now.
I will end off with a quote of the day:Once you let go, you wonder why you held on for so long.
i'm doing horticulture in Home Ec right now. does anybody give a damn about what a corm or a rhizome is? i didn't think so. i don't even know.
track's tomorrow. i am most definately not ready, but Dan is and i'm going to watch him run tonight before youth. and before that i am going to vaccinate and deworm horses at Baynton's all afternoon. so that'll be fun. my life is so busy. and tomorrow night there is that Fire and Glory conference that i am going to with Gwen. which i am very excited for.
and in the tradition of Steph and Jess, here is a list of my favorite books (i know, it's not very exciting, but i recommend these to anyone who likes to read)
1. The Most Important Little Boy in the World by Dean Briggs
2. Obsessed by Ted Dekker
3. Black, Red, and White by Ted Dekker
4. The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
5. The Reckoning by James Byron Huggins
6. The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis
7. Harry Potter by JK Rowling
8. This Present Darkness/Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti
That's all i can think of for now.
I will end off with a quote of the day:Once you let go, you wonder why you held on for so long.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Sleep...a luxury granted to few
so the 30 hour famine was yesterday and this morning. i was hungry but thats the general point. so thats ok i guess. i only got about 2 hours of sleep i wanted less but i couldn't stay awake. we watched National Treasure, which is an amazing movie maight i add, and Fat Albert. which was kinda cute but pretty bad actually.
today is garage sale day and i bought 3 movies: Babe, Jumanji, and the Princess Diaries. i figured i needed a chic flick at home to watch when i'm in a weird mood. weird is an anagram of wired. not buying anything else though. i think i'll go home and eat and be useless all afternoon. great fun.
tracks on Wednesday and i haven't trained since the meet at school.
don't you hate it when people hate you for no reason whatsoever that you can see and you haven't done anything to hurt them that you know of. you'd think that if you hurt them they'd at least tell you that so that you'd at least have a reason to understand why they hate you. if someone could explain thins to me please do cause i don't get it. or when people just pick on you and pick on you and you don't understand why they seem to hate you so much, especially, when other times they are completely civil to you.
if anyone understood that and has a comment please let me know cause i'm confused.
anyway, i will end off with an amazing quote for today...if i can think of one... ummm...
"what's the mafia, is it like a monster or something?" -Katie Pauls
today is garage sale day and i bought 3 movies: Babe, Jumanji, and the Princess Diaries. i figured i needed a chic flick at home to watch when i'm in a weird mood. weird is an anagram of wired. not buying anything else though. i think i'll go home and eat and be useless all afternoon. great fun.
tracks on Wednesday and i haven't trained since the meet at school.
don't you hate it when people hate you for no reason whatsoever that you can see and you haven't done anything to hurt them that you know of. you'd think that if you hurt them they'd at least tell you that so that you'd at least have a reason to understand why they hate you. if someone could explain thins to me please do cause i don't get it. or when people just pick on you and pick on you and you don't understand why they seem to hate you so much, especially, when other times they are completely civil to you.
if anyone understood that and has a comment please let me know cause i'm confused.
anyway, i will end off with an amazing quote for today...if i can think of one... ummm...
"what's the mafia, is it like a monster or something?" -Katie Pauls
Monday, May 09, 2005
Things that go BUMP in the Night
I don't get nightmares. It's true. i dream about things all the time but i haven't had a nightmare for a long time. One thing that i have started to hate, though, is happy tree friends. they are cute little cartoons that end up dying in horrific ways. i find it spiritually disturbing. some things i am highly sensitive to, for some reason. it's a spiritual thing i think.
I might get to go to England for a while to visit my uncle if he still lives there. but not for a couple years unless i can persuade my mother to let me go for my 16th birthday.I really want to go, i've always wanted to go to England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.
i think I'm unsettled. i don't want to be where I am but when I get to where i want to be I want to be somewhere else. Steph, you can say something philosophical now.
Another thing I do is dream about people. i dream alot. and something I used to do is pray for the people i dreamt about for what was specified in the dream. i haven't done that in a while.
I recommend seeing the movie Waking Life. I've never seen it but i found the script on the internet. it's fascinating.
I feel the need to write about how i'm feeling but i have no words.
In my home town
For anyone who sticks around
You're either lost or you're found
There's not much in between
In my home town
Everything's still black and white
It's a long, long way from wrong to right
From Sunday morning to Saturday night
Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus
My whole life
I've tried to run, I've tried to hide
From the stained glass windows in my mind
Refusing to let God's light shine
Down on me
Down on me
Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
There's not much space between us
Drugs or Jesus
Everybody wants acceptance
We all just want some proof
Everyone's just looking for the truth
Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus
I might get to go to England for a while to visit my uncle if he still lives there. but not for a couple years unless i can persuade my mother to let me go for my 16th birthday.I really want to go, i've always wanted to go to England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.
i think I'm unsettled. i don't want to be where I am but when I get to where i want to be I want to be somewhere else. Steph, you can say something philosophical now.
Another thing I do is dream about people. i dream alot. and something I used to do is pray for the people i dreamt about for what was specified in the dream. i haven't done that in a while.
I recommend seeing the movie Waking Life. I've never seen it but i found the script on the internet. it's fascinating.
I feel the need to write about how i'm feeling but i have no words.
In my home town
For anyone who sticks around
You're either lost or you're found
There's not much in between
In my home town
Everything's still black and white
It's a long, long way from wrong to right
From Sunday morning to Saturday night
Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus
My whole life
I've tried to run, I've tried to hide
From the stained glass windows in my mind
Refusing to let God's light shine
Down on me
Down on me
Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
There's not much space between us
Drugs or Jesus
Everybody wants acceptance
We all just want some proof
Everyone's just looking for the truth
Everybody just wants to get high
Sit and watch a perfect world go by
We're all looking for love and meaning in our lives
We follow the roads that lead us
To drugs or Jesus
Check out Steph's blog...seriously
So i'm sitting in home ec partying on the computer by doing absolutly nothing and i should be studying but that's ok. and i spent the weekend really bored but i might get to go see Hitch tonight. With my mother. so that'll be fun.
I had a thought on Saturday (i say this and my dad says not to hurt myself) that dating and courting are different. you can go on dates with anybody, including your best friend or your dad or your brother, or with 6 people at the same time, and it is just going out to do something together. definition of a date. but courting, thats different. courting is when a guy and a girl hang out together because they are interested in getting to know each other better in the possibility of marrying them.
on a different note, i am writing a book. it consists of several short stories, includng one in German, and my more better poems. 11 of them.
i will end off with a quote: Boys are stupid... Throw rocks at them.
i'm joking.
I had a thought on Saturday (i say this and my dad says not to hurt myself) that dating and courting are different. you can go on dates with anybody, including your best friend or your dad or your brother, or with 6 people at the same time, and it is just going out to do something together. definition of a date. but courting, thats different. courting is when a guy and a girl hang out together because they are interested in getting to know each other better in the possibility of marrying them.
on a different note, i am writing a book. it consists of several short stories, includng one in German, and my more better poems. 11 of them.
i will end off with a quote: Boys are stupid... Throw rocks at them.
i'm joking.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Last night was freakin amazing!!! I went to the Not Alone worship thing and it was really cool. Lark read this really sad story about, oh, i can't describe it. It was about what Jesus must have felt like when he was being betrayed and crucified. It was real good. and afterward, Tenille, Hailey, Gwen, and me went for coffee. so that was fun. and me and Tenille are both getting baptized soon (whenever our church gets around to it)
I really need to finish my German and I'm really behind. i'm getting kicked off the computer so here's my quote of the day: a poem I wrote branching off a Lord of the Rings saying:
They do not see what lies ahead
When moon is dark and sun is dead
I sit among these lonely walls
Where silence waits and shadow falls
There's nothing left but to wait and wish
While all these birds beasts bats and fish
Circle round to stare at me
Until I break, and start to see
Slowly I begin to know
What happened here that made us so
I really need to finish my German and I'm really behind. i'm getting kicked off the computer so here's my quote of the day: a poem I wrote branching off a Lord of the Rings saying:
They do not see what lies ahead
When moon is dark and sun is dead
I sit among these lonely walls
Where silence waits and shadow falls
There's nothing left but to wait and wish
While all these birds beasts bats and fish
Circle round to stare at me
Until I break, and start to see
Slowly I begin to know
What happened here that made us so
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
This one's for Witchie Ming
so the guy in my dream was Bryan (shut up Carrie) from the last post. I realized yesterday that I forgot to put in a quote of the day so here's two.
Make your choice, adventurous stranger
Strike the bell and bide the danger,
Or wonder, til it drives you mad,
What would of followed if you had.
You all laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.
I'm tired. Goodbye.
Make your choice, adventurous stranger
Strike the bell and bide the danger,
Or wonder, til it drives you mad,
What would of followed if you had.
You all laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same.
I'm tired. Goodbye.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Weekends...
I went to the stereotrap concert Saturday night and it was amazing! And afterward a bunch of us were going to go to Tim Hortons for coffee but Carrie's car broke. so we didn't, we hung around the church waiting for her dad. And then i went home with Thomas and i got home at 1 in the morning. So that was fun. It is angering that I bought an Autumn Tides CD (Zach's band) but I tried it and the CD DOES NOT work. I was so angry. But I'll live. About the Stereotrap concert: it was Jody's last concert, he's leaving the band. That's kinda sad. And it was Autumn Tides last concert because Mark, the lead singer, moved to BC yesterday. He was a really good singer. Speaking of singers, I love Celtic music. The fiddle and bagpipes and foot tapping and Gaelic language- I love it all. It's kind of my secret music type.
The Oklahoma cast party is today. So that'll be fun. I don't exactly know what we are doing though.
I had a weird dream last night. We were in the church basement and there was a guy that I know there. And he asked me to go out with him and I said yes. FLASH FORWARD. I'm still 15 years old but I live in Europe with this guy from Dalmeny, the same one from before, and we have a kid. This guy is also a prince on the run. There's a train in there somewhere too. And someone's trying to separate me from my husband and take my child. FLASH FORWARDS. I'm still fifteen but I have 3 children. I name the youngest one Bethany. And Someone is still trying to take my children. I want to ask my husband why he chose me out of all the girls he knew, but my brother wakes me up before i can find him. And then I was awake and like What the heck? But that is all. Class is almost over.
The Oklahoma cast party is today. So that'll be fun. I don't exactly know what we are doing though.
I had a weird dream last night. We were in the church basement and there was a guy that I know there. And he asked me to go out with him and I said yes. FLASH FORWARD. I'm still 15 years old but I live in Europe with this guy from Dalmeny, the same one from before, and we have a kid. This guy is also a prince on the run. There's a train in there somewhere too. And someone's trying to separate me from my husband and take my child. FLASH FORWARDS. I'm still fifteen but I have 3 children. I name the youngest one Bethany. And Someone is still trying to take my children. I want to ask my husband why he chose me out of all the girls he knew, but my brother wakes me up before i can find him. And then I was awake and like What the heck? But that is all. Class is almost over.
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