Homesick at home

"All the optimism of the age had been false and disheartening for this reason, that it had always been trying to prove that we fit in to the world. The Christian optimism is based on the fact that we do not fit in to the world... The optimist's pleasure was prosaic, for it dwelt on the naturalness of everything; the Christian pleasure was poetic, for it dwelt on the unnaturalness of everything in light of the supernatural. The modern philosopher had told me again and again that I was in the right place, and I had still felt depressed even in acquiescence. But I had heard that I was in the wrong place, and my soul sang for joy, like a bird in spring... I knew now why grass had always seemed to me as queer as the green beard of a giant, and why I could feel homesick at home."
-G.K. Chesterson

Follow

I would first like to say that I dislike "steps to salvation" and I don't know why these came out in steps. But it seemed the way it wanted to be done. We are talking lately about evangelism, discipleship, and things like that, and today during an exercise I came up with these 10 "steps for telling someone about God", focused in one girl I know. I doubt it would speak to many other people, but I thought it was interesting what came, and so here they are.
1) You are loved. You are beloved. And you will never, never be abandoned by this lover.
2) You were created with purpose, and that has not been forgotten.
3) It isn't promised that your problems will go away, but rather that with God's strength you will be able to deal with them. For in your weakness He is strong.
4) The difference between being dirty and clean is accepting the washing. And sometimes being scrubbed clean hurts like heck, but it is worth it. There is no other way to truly live.
5) You have to choose to follow without knowing where you are going, or how to get there. You have to trust.
6) It is hard. You will be mocked, tested, persecuted. Why pretend that it is easy? You have to die to yourself every single day. It is only in this dying that you are able to live.
7) You have been covered by the ultimate sacrifice- Jesus Christ. As repugnant as the image might be, it is true. It is his blood that makes you whole again.
8) It is easy to forget. Don't. Remind yourself every day that you have been made new, that you have surrendered yourself and now live for Christ.
9) Jesus Christ, a sinless man who was and is the Son of God, was killed but rose from the dead, and doing so conquered death. It is in his life that we have our hope and our example. And they may be able to kill and torture our bodies, but the cannot touch our faith and our spirit. For we belong to the One who has already won, and the Spirit of God is within us. It sounds crazy, but it changes everything.
10) It is not enough to know. You must also live. Start by doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God. And you will fail, and God will pick you up and still love you, and despite every time everything goes wrong, keep following and loving Him, because He will never let go of you. And that is a promise.

Untitled

The sky here is sideways
It's different than I'm used to
But the Moon smiles in the evening
And some things never change
I know you stay the same
In the places the stars have been hidden
By the lights and the smoke of our shame
Still the Moon smiles with her secrets
And you still softly call my name
To look at the sky is to abandon myself
Knowing that nothing will be the same
To know that there is now no going back
And surrender wholeheartly to this flame
But I still remember you created the stars
You know them all by name
You know all the reasons the Moon has for smiling
And you lift up my head from its shame

I have not died, just disappeared

Below is an edited version of a passage from my journal. This last week we spent in Casa de Paz, which is my church here in the city. We learned a lot. The focus of one of the learning times was The Call of God on our Lives.

"We keep talking in HADIME about the call of God on our lives, and have discussed the five basic calls: apostle, pastor, prophet, evangelist, and teacher. I asked if we had to be one, and if so, if we were supposed to know which we were, because I didn't. Until this point, I had never figured out which I was, if any. So through some questions and some discussion my pastor told me he thought that I had the gift of prophecy. Which I think I would agree with, although it is not very developed in me I don't think. Prophecy isn't so much seeing the future, as it is affirm other people, call them out on stuff, and confess. To say the stuff that no one else wants to say, but that you know has to be said. And this resonates with me. It is interesting to me how this also keeps you more humble. We all think that being able to tell the future would be really cool, and if that were the main point of a prophet, it might be easy to get proud. But when it involves having to say the things that no one else wants to say, hard things, things that are often as not directed at yourself as well, it is a better reminder to be humble. It comes with a better understanding of what Jeremiah meant when he said “His word is like a fire in my bones, I am weary of holding it in, indeed, I cannot.” You have to say the things you already know someone is not going to want to hear, the things you don't even want to say.
That paragraph became more speculation. I don't actually know all that, it is more how I feel. Like I said, I am not very developed in any spiritual gift. But I am rather excited to find that not only do I have one, I know what it is. And for the first time, to have a real idea of what it means to develop it and use it, and how to do that."

Because I have been without a computer for the vast majority of the last month and a half, it is a bit daunting to update you all. So please forgive me the large gap. Many things happened in Oaxaca, in Mexico City, and this last week in Casa de Paz, my church here in Guadalajara. We have been all over the place and I don't even know what to tell anymore. I have learned a heck of a lot. One thing that stands out to me is that it is fairly easy to die for Christ. Dying is fast, more or less. It doesn't take more than a few days, or at most, years. But living for Christ is hard. When you live for him, you have to die to yourself every single day, and that takes more. But when you learn to die to yourself, to your own desires and dreams, that is when you truly start to live. And when you know what you are living for, dying is no longer scary.

Braiding Grass Hats

Here is a poem I wrote about my time in the indigenous village. Hopefully it gives a better idea of what we did there. There are certain verses that are also about our week at the church planting conference in Tlaxiaco. There was no official church in the village, just 3 or 4 people.

My life is a movie
And I am but an actor
Without a script
But I never imagined
Things would come so far
That I would be where I am
For these scenes take my breath away

I have sat atop a mountain
In a house without light
Watching an old lady weave grass hats
I have driven winding dirt roads
With a truck full of people I don't know
Never wearing a seatbelt
I have stood underneath
The largest, oldest tree in the world
And laughed at the bad English signs
I have eaten a hamburger
That cost 45 pesos
And had more meat than it rightfully ought
(All other hamburgers should be jealous)
I have not washed my hair
In ten full days
Which I think is the longest I have ever gone
I have not changed
A single piece of my clothing
For three days (and two nights)
I have a better understanding
Of what a dog feels like
For the fleas have bitten me too
I have gathered firewood
With a machete and a burro
On the side of a mountain
I have followed the path
Down the mountain at night
Walking by moonlight
I have taken communion, The Lord's Supper
With a chocolate bar and Coca-Cola
(Scandalous! they cry at home)
I have seen that the treatment of the dogs in the village
Would be a nightmare for animal rights people
But I think that we are overly sensitive in Canada
I have learned when it is necessary
To eat lunch twice (and always take seconds)
When you are not hungry the first time
I have gone spelunking
Without fear
And wondered at the stone shapes in the ceiling
I have appreciated for the first time
The colors in my blue-grey eyes
And the fairness of my hair
I have found good friends
In people I thought were unlikely
And through them been blessed in ways untold
I have discovered that it is simple
To be ready to die and to die for Christ...
It is living for him and dying to yourself
Every single day
That is hard
I have stared at uncountable stars
Marvelled at my great God
Who for some unseeable reason
Has seen fit to call me to this place
And work such wonders

It is then I remember
That a movie is a shadow, a copy
Such that even the best one
Could never compare
With one day of a life