Thursday, August 21, 2008
One more time
It's nights like tonight that I am angry you are not here. Would you be mad if I called you my day late friend?
Saturday, August 16, 2008
An experiment, I guess
I wrote a poem a while back this summer as an idea project, putting myself in someone else's shoes and seeing if I could write from their perspective. I kind of like it. Notice the alliteration.
Note: for anybody prone to worrying, I do not in actuality feel this way.
To you I'm just another number
Another statistic of suicide
I'm just someone who doesn't exist
Who looked at her life and chose to die
And you would have no idea
I was the kid you sat behind in math class last year
You never learned my name
It never would've been the same
You never know what you could change
To you I'm just yesterday's sad story
Until you read the gory story in today's newspaper obituary
And realize all you could've changed
Note: for anybody prone to worrying, I do not in actuality feel this way.
To you I'm just another number
Another statistic of suicide
I'm just someone who doesn't exist
Who looked at her life and chose to die
And you would have no idea
I was the kid you sat behind in math class last year
You never learned my name
It never would've been the same
You never know what you could change
To you I'm just yesterday's sad story
Until you read the gory story in today's newspaper obituary
And realize all you could've changed
Monday, August 11, 2008
Honestly
1) I do enjoy our conversations and arguments. Why exactly you hate the world. You're a different cookie, but I like talking to you.
2) Actually, I do think you are quite good-looking.
3) You're the only person I don't regret. I'm glad we turned out like we did and that we're such good friends.
4) What the hell are you thinking? You've broken every promise you made us, and you don't seem sorry at all. I promised I wouldn't judge you for it and I'm not, but I am furious with you because I'm worried about you. You don't seem to see the consequences of what you're doing, or you don't care. You're so intent on rebelling for love that you don't see the love you're turning your back to. We've been trying to save you from yourself for years.
5) A word of advice: don't give up on us for him. Come hang out on occasion, because you're neglecting us, and I'm worried about you.
6) I was lying. It's the only thing I've ever lied to you about, but I honestly can't tell you the truth.
7) Watch yourself. When the both of us are concerned about what you're fooling around with, it's probably a good idea to listen to at least him. Seriously. He knows you better and he loves you. You're family. I know this guy better than you and you are headed for trouble if you go out with him. Trust me, this is not a good relationship to pursue farther than friendship.
8) I'm so excited for you I squealed when I read your news. I am a little jealous though.
9) I miss you and your humor and your wisdom. Why did you have to leave?
10) Despite my best efforts, I like you. Why do you have to be so far away, with so little chance of liking me back?
God, what are You doing?
2) Actually, I do think you are quite good-looking.
3) You're the only person I don't regret. I'm glad we turned out like we did and that we're such good friends.
4) What the hell are you thinking? You've broken every promise you made us, and you don't seem sorry at all. I promised I wouldn't judge you for it and I'm not, but I am furious with you because I'm worried about you. You don't seem to see the consequences of what you're doing, or you don't care. You're so intent on rebelling for love that you don't see the love you're turning your back to. We've been trying to save you from yourself for years.
5) A word of advice: don't give up on us for him. Come hang out on occasion, because you're neglecting us, and I'm worried about you.
6) I was lying. It's the only thing I've ever lied to you about, but I honestly can't tell you the truth.
7) Watch yourself. When the both of us are concerned about what you're fooling around with, it's probably a good idea to listen to at least him. Seriously. He knows you better and he loves you. You're family. I know this guy better than you and you are headed for trouble if you go out with him. Trust me, this is not a good relationship to pursue farther than friendship.
8) I'm so excited for you I squealed when I read your news. I am a little jealous though.
9) I miss you and your humor and your wisdom. Why did you have to leave?
10) Despite my best efforts, I like you. Why do you have to be so far away, with so little chance of liking me back?
God, what are You doing?
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Jesus' blood never failed me yet
"I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
I sought the company of fools instead of friends
You know I've been unfaithful
with lovers in lines
while You're turning over tables
with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
thought that love would never find
hanging ropes will never keep You
and your love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
for solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
than be broken by a lover I don't understand
'cause I don't understand
love of a jealous kind, yeah
love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
one hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
if I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
and love that shames the wise
betrays the hearts deceit and lies
and breaks the back of foolish pride
love of a jealous kind"
"It's just enough to be strong in the broken places, should the world rely on faith tonight"
He loves me. HE loves me. He LOVES me. He loves ME. He thinks I'm beautiful, scars and all. He wants to love me. He loves me forever and ever and ever and ever. And ever. Why is this so hard to grasp? Why do I suck at loving him back?
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
I sought the company of fools instead of friends
You know I've been unfaithful
with lovers in lines
while You're turning over tables
with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
thought that love would never find
hanging ropes will never keep You
and your love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
for solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
than be broken by a lover I don't understand
'cause I don't understand
love of a jealous kind, yeah
love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
one hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
if I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
and love that shames the wise
betrays the hearts deceit and lies
and breaks the back of foolish pride
love of a jealous kind"
"It's just enough to be strong in the broken places, should the world rely on faith tonight"
He loves me. HE loves me. He LOVES me. He loves ME. He thinks I'm beautiful, scars and all. He wants to love me. He loves me forever and ever and ever and ever. And ever. Why is this so hard to grasp? Why do I suck at loving him back?
Sunday, August 03, 2008
You can see the thunder
I no longer know what day it is, but I no longer care. Thursday/Friday was a really good day for me, I was up for over 30 hours and some things happened. I got to ride a motorcycle. I got to see people I love. I got to have a sweet personal discussion with a guy from work. I got to laugh at a girl working in Safeway who didn't know what she was talking about. I can give blood after August 15th. Everything's running together. It's not fair but it's the way it should be. I don't want you to go because I love you, but we are where we're supposed to be and I can't change it. I get to go home soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
