I love mornings. I love the coldness of the sunrise and the dark fading into the dawn. I love seeing sleepy people walk around town as I with my wide-awakeness meander among them. I love being in town early on a Saturday. I love the chill fog that evaporates after the sun raises its bright eye. I love the hoarfrost that fades into the afternoon. I love the taking off of pyjamas and putting on of clothes. I love the idea of breakfast. I love mornings. Let's go for breakfast sometime.
...but I like breathing...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"
I have two things to say.
#1. A guy in a yellow truck offered me a ride today. As I was heading to the school, which was about ten yards away, I turned him down. Apperently this guy is named Ray and he is a big creep and I must never accept anything from him. I understand this, most of you have heard it. But I feel sorry for him too. What if he was just trying to be nice? I still wouldn't have taken a ride, I don't from strangers, even in Dalmeny, and generally I walk because a) I like walking, b) I have no other way to get there, or c) when you walk, you run into people, and I like socializing. Anyway, the point was that a) there is a vaguely creepy guy in town, so be careful, and b) I want to learn jujitsu (self defence) from my uncle but I need another girl to learn it with, so if there're any girls who read this who want to learn self defence, come talk to me.
#2. I wrote this the other day.
Would you run away with me
To a place called Home,
and there, would you stay with by my side
Reminding me to remember what was lost
and forgotten.
If I should lose myself there,
Would you look until you found me, huddling terrified under my bed
and comfort me, keep me warm in winter
Here in this foriegn world.
Here.
Would you stay until we find what we're looking for?
We don't know what it is yet,
but we'll know when we find it.
and I think
the irony is that we'll find Home
In the place we left.
...but I like breathing...
#1. A guy in a yellow truck offered me a ride today. As I was heading to the school, which was about ten yards away, I turned him down. Apperently this guy is named Ray and he is a big creep and I must never accept anything from him. I understand this, most of you have heard it. But I feel sorry for him too. What if he was just trying to be nice? I still wouldn't have taken a ride, I don't from strangers, even in Dalmeny, and generally I walk because a) I like walking, b) I have no other way to get there, or c) when you walk, you run into people, and I like socializing. Anyway, the point was that a) there is a vaguely creepy guy in town, so be careful, and b) I want to learn jujitsu (self defence) from my uncle but I need another girl to learn it with, so if there're any girls who read this who want to learn self defence, come talk to me.
#2. I wrote this the other day.
Would you run away with me
To a place called Home,
and there, would you stay with by my side
Reminding me to remember what was lost
and forgotten.
If I should lose myself there,
Would you look until you found me, huddling terrified under my bed
and comfort me, keep me warm in winter
Here in this foriegn world.
Here.
Would you stay until we find what we're looking for?
We don't know what it is yet,
but we'll know when we find it.
and I think
the irony is that we'll find Home
In the place we left.
...but I like breathing...
Thursday, January 26, 2006
The blade between my shoulders
There's blood on my hands.
I think most of it's mine.
We stand and watch cathedrals falling.
Their rubble is their pain.
You realize then you forget what you've been trying to retain.
I don't want to feel consequences, but I want to feel your arms.
My window's thrown open.
The incapability to forget precedes the incapability to regret.
I miss you.
Pens bleed my soul into paper.
A word weaver.
The gift is the curse.
A haunting in the words.
I don't know what I feel anymore.
My life on my hands, at the mercy of the hand on the knife.
I can see your eyes
big and round and haunting
Almost terrified
Almost.
I close my eyes to see yours.
Did you know that it doesn't hurt to cut yourself? At the time. It hurts after, it hurts before. But a smooth silver edge on your skin hurts less than the jagged one buried in your heart.
...but I like breathing...
I think most of it's mine.
We stand and watch cathedrals falling.
Their rubble is their pain.
You realize then you forget what you've been trying to retain.
I don't want to feel consequences, but I want to feel your arms.
My window's thrown open.
The incapability to forget precedes the incapability to regret.
I miss you.
Pens bleed my soul into paper.
A word weaver.
The gift is the curse.
A haunting in the words.
I don't know what I feel anymore.
My life on my hands, at the mercy of the hand on the knife.
I can see your eyes
big and round and haunting
Almost terrified
Almost.
I close my eyes to see yours.
Did you know that it doesn't hurt to cut yourself? At the time. It hurts after, it hurts before. But a smooth silver edge on your skin hurts less than the jagged one buried in your heart.
...but I like breathing...
Monday, January 23, 2006
You bleed just to know you're alive.23.01.2005.
"I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand"
'Perfection bleeds BLACK'
Well, it's been a year to the day and it's funny how time passes. Some days I regret it but most times I don't. In it's own twisted way I have a whole different world open to me, an exclusive one that gives the people in it a different view on life. Perhaps it is that we, in ourselves, are alive. It has given me a chance to relate to people, because I have proof that I've been there, done that.
Was it right? No.
Was it wrong? No.
Would it happen again? I don't know.
It set in motion things that I would change and things that I wouldn't change. It caused my dislike of a certain person and my love for other people. It opens worlds and shuts doors. It makes people judge me but it makes me less judging of people. It's permanent. I scar easy.
...but I like breathing...
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand"
'Perfection bleeds BLACK'
Well, it's been a year to the day and it's funny how time passes. Some days I regret it but most times I don't. In it's own twisted way I have a whole different world open to me, an exclusive one that gives the people in it a different view on life. Perhaps it is that we, in ourselves, are alive. It has given me a chance to relate to people, because I have proof that I've been there, done that.
Was it right? No.
Was it wrong? No.
Would it happen again? I don't know.
It set in motion things that I would change and things that I wouldn't change. It caused my dislike of a certain person and my love for other people. It opens worlds and shuts doors. It makes people judge me but it makes me less judging of people. It's permanent. I scar easy.
...but I like breathing...
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Some things are made to be broken
The election's tomorrow and I can't help thinking, if I was old enough to vote, who would I vote for? And the answer that keeps coming back is the communists. Somehow, in my absolute lack of knowledge about politics, that's who I would vote for. Don't ask me to give you reasons, I haven't got any I understand.
Exams start tomorrow too and I have to take it as it comes, I really don't know what else I'll do. I'm good at procrastination.
I have something rather important I want to post but I have to post it tomorrow. So check up on here tomorrow evening and there will be an important piece of information concerning... things.
Alright, folks, I am officially bored and would really like companionship. If anyone out there would care to go for coffee sometime soon please call and I'd be happy to go. My number's 2080. It's a good cause. In hopes of not sounding too desperate, I'm leaving now. See you around.
...but I like breathing...
Exams start tomorrow too and I have to take it as it comes, I really don't know what else I'll do. I'm good at procrastination.
I have something rather important I want to post but I have to post it tomorrow. So check up on here tomorrow evening and there will be an important piece of information concerning... things.
Alright, folks, I am officially bored and would really like companionship. If anyone out there would care to go for coffee sometime soon please call and I'd be happy to go. My number's 2080. It's a good cause. In hopes of not sounding too desperate, I'm leaving now. See you around.
...but I like breathing...
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Does the end justify the means?
Does the good that results justify the sin?
...but I like breathing...
...but I like breathing...
The haunting
"Make your choice, adventurous stranger
Strike the bell and bide the danger.
Or wonder, 'til it drives you mad
What would have followed if you had."
-CS Lewis
Strike the bell and bide the danger.
Or wonder, 'til it drives you mad
What would have followed if you had."
-CS Lewis
"Madness to madmen may be reason,
So which of us is sane,
And which, mad?"
-James Byron Huggins
"I am in blood,
Stepp'd in so far that,
Should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o'er."
-William Shakespeare
"Death, they say, is the color gray.
The skies are blue... today."
-Dean Briggs
"Once you let go,
You wonder why you held on
For so long."
-Terilyn Block
"We at the height are ready to decline.
There is a tide in the affairs of men
which, taken at the flood,
leads on to fortune;
omitted, all the voyage of their life
is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
and we must take the current when it serves,
or lose our ventures."
-William Shakespeare
"If you have lost your faith
in love and music
the end won't be long."
-The Libertines
"We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background of televised war
And in the deafening pleasure,
I heard someone say,
If you walk away I'll walk away."
-Conor Oberst
"It alls boils down to one quotable phrase:
If you love something give it away."
-Conor Oberst
i had a brother once he drowned in a bathtub before he had ever learned how to talk and i don’t know what his name was but my mother does i heard her say it once, padriac my prince i have all but died from the sheer weight of my shame you cried but no one came and the water filled your tiny lungs appear, my dear, and cry for me it was six years ago today that i laid you in your grave, your sweet young skin was shining then too and so tonight to celebrate i will poison myself another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning so i close the door and i rest my head on the tile floor, sickness and sleep turning me cold and i am still not sure, is there some better place i could be heading towards? where the selfishly sick and self absorbed are welcome i saw the future once i was drunk in a phone booth my eyes were wet and red but i could not tell what was said and through the screams of the traffic voices carried saying i am sorry on a day so gray its black inside watching churches on tv in a coma you don’t dream you just hope that someone sits with you babies turn blue when they are ignored like the sky on summer days before you turn and walk away it has changed you so tonight to compensate i will poison myself another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Wishing never did me any good
Yes, this is my second post today. Thanks for pointing that out.
Yes, I am finishing our ice cream. There wasn't that much left though.
Yes, I wish I still lived on Loeppky. I know it sounds stupid, but I want to be able to walk home with my friends more often than when I get lucky and the Fury have practice on a youth night.
Yes, I wish more than ONE FREAKING PERSON would actually invite me to hang out. I'm really sick of doing it all.
Yes, I exist. And I have feelings. That feel trampled right now. I don't want to even write. How sad is that, when I'm rejecting my only outlet?
Yes, I wish that I had more than four friends who actually do things with me when I call them.
Yes, I am feeling very frustrated right now. How could you tell?
Yes, I am lonely. I am also wondering if the title of this blog should not be 'The Art of Killing Teri' because some days that's exactly what you do to me.
My number's 2080. Let's go for coffee. Please.
...but I like breathing...
Yes, I am finishing our ice cream. There wasn't that much left though.
Yes, I wish I still lived on Loeppky. I know it sounds stupid, but I want to be able to walk home with my friends more often than when I get lucky and the Fury have practice on a youth night.
Yes, I wish more than ONE FREAKING PERSON would actually invite me to hang out. I'm really sick of doing it all.
Yes, I exist. And I have feelings. That feel trampled right now. I don't want to even write. How sad is that, when I'm rejecting my only outlet?
Yes, I wish that I had more than four friends who actually do things with me when I call them.
Yes, I am feeling very frustrated right now. How could you tell?
Yes, I am lonely. I am also wondering if the title of this blog should not be 'The Art of Killing Teri' because some days that's exactly what you do to me.
My number's 2080. Let's go for coffee. Please.
...but I like breathing...
My soul in the paper
My soul sits on paper
I wonder, sometimes, if this is a talent or a curse
Things pour out here
They have no other outlet
I don't belong
No one notices, no one cares
I don't want to ruin what I have
So scared to take a chance
Locked in a glass cage
I don't want to go back
This is my boat
And I'm so scared of getting out
All I want is friendship
It's just frustrating
I don't feel worth much to you
My soul is in tatters
Would you bother to look?
And if you did, would you
Tear this paper apart and burn my soul
Or hug me?
My soul lives on paper
Scrawled in blue or black blood.
I think we all feel like this at one time or another, I just write it down. This isn't really poetry, just words that mean something. I'm really tired of waiting; patience has never been my strong suit.
...but I like breathing...
I wonder, sometimes, if this is a talent or a curse
Things pour out here
They have no other outlet
I don't belong
No one notices, no one cares
I don't want to ruin what I have
So scared to take a chance
Locked in a glass cage
I don't want to go back
This is my boat
And I'm so scared of getting out
All I want is friendship
It's just frustrating
I don't feel worth much to you
My soul is in tatters
Would you bother to look?
And if you did, would you
Tear this paper apart and burn my soul
Or hug me?
My soul lives on paper
Scrawled in blue or black blood.
I think we all feel like this at one time or another, I just write it down. This isn't really poetry, just words that mean something. I'm really tired of waiting; patience has never been my strong suit.
...but I like breathing...
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
We were wannabe rebels
So, second time's the charm, as they say. Yes, today I got my license. And I have a schwack of homework that I am just now shirking to type this. Including a painting. I have to work today, and there's youth tonight. Guess when my homework's gonna get done. That's right, I don't know. And I am getting a poem published in a book. I sent it in to a contest and they picked me to get my poem in a book. Among other people. And I'm most likely going to Philadelphia next summer on a missions trip. So that's vaguely exciting. I need advice. Should I quit work in June, go to Philly, then work at camp throughout August, or shall I go to Philly, work at camp one week in August, and quit in December? I really don't want to have another year of drama, basketball, work, and schoolwork, especially my grade 12 year. So I don't know. Ugh, I want to go home. Listen to music. Eat. Do homework. Ah, well, at least I get paid. I'm off, however, to do my tesselation. Or something. See you all later.
...but I like breathing...
...but I like breathing...
Saturday, January 07, 2006
This Thrill
Our record is now 9 and 2. Pretty good, if I do say so myself. Especially since the 2 are both Clavet. We played amazing this weekend. I am so very proud of us. I saw the most extraordinary shot today too. A 3-pointer from across the half line, #3 from the Warman boys was almost at his own 3 point line, and he grabbed the ball, spun around, and shot in the same motion. And scored. On the buzzer, to tie the game. It was bloody brilliant. I don't care that our boys lost in overtime because of it, it was beautiful. The boys did fair this weekend as well, winning their first game and losing the second by 1 point and the third in overtime. I have never seen a basketball game go into overtime before. All in all, this tournament was good.
The hoarfrost is beautiful. It takes my breath away. The sheer amount of silvery white is stunning, add to that the rosy-golden dawn sunrise streaks painting the sky in the morning or the blue-black dusk fading out the simple yet complex result of fog in winter. Wonders never cease to amaze me. Miracles astound. The hoarfrost is beautiful.
"Remind your parents we're tomorrow
Lead with morals and we'll follow
When they wake up they'll see
That youth fades and glory days deceive"
The hoarfrost is beautiful. It takes my breath away. The sheer amount of silvery white is stunning, add to that the rosy-golden dawn sunrise streaks painting the sky in the morning or the blue-black dusk fading out the simple yet complex result of fog in winter. Wonders never cease to amaze me. Miracles astound. The hoarfrost is beautiful.
"Remind your parents we're tomorrow
Lead with morals and we'll follow
When they wake up they'll see
That youth fades and glory days deceive"
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Braids, butter, and Cracker is gorgeous
Happy 2006 Everyone!
Tonight I went to a new year's party at Lance's house; I just got home in fact, and since I have to work at 4:30, I figured it's rather pointless to go to bed. I'll just sleep through church tomorrow, or rather, today. Some things worth mentioning from tonight:
-sledding
-rolling down the hill (I got snow down my pants)
-The Princess Bride (Boo? I thought she said 'brew') (Wasn't he dead? No, just almost dead.)
-Jim Carrey/Bryan
-Alcoholless champagne
-Apples to Apples (perfect men and irritating women)
-Cody and David playing pingpong with their hips
My new year's resolution is... well... umm... I guess I don't have one. Oh well, it probably wouldn't have been kept anyway. In summary, tonight was fun, I'm glad I went. That was the first real new year's party I've ever had. Twas good. And now I think that I shall go eat chocolate and listen to Anberlin and read, or do a puzzle, until I need to go. Always remember, the longer something takes, the more (or less) it's worth. I just made that up. Goodnight.
Tonight I went to a new year's party at Lance's house; I just got home in fact, and since I have to work at 4:30, I figured it's rather pointless to go to bed. I'll just sleep through church tomorrow, or rather, today. Some things worth mentioning from tonight:
-sledding
-rolling down the hill (I got snow down my pants)
-The Princess Bride (Boo? I thought she said 'brew') (Wasn't he dead? No, just almost dead.)
-Jim Carrey/Bryan
-Alcoholless champagne
-Apples to Apples (perfect men and irritating women)
-Cody and David playing pingpong with their hips
My new year's resolution is... well... umm... I guess I don't have one. Oh well, it probably wouldn't have been kept anyway. In summary, tonight was fun, I'm glad I went. That was the first real new year's party I've ever had. Twas good. And now I think that I shall go eat chocolate and listen to Anberlin and read, or do a puzzle, until I need to go. Always remember, the longer something takes, the more (or less) it's worth. I just made that up. Goodnight.
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