If I cried on your shoulder would you hold it against me?

I made the basketball team!! This in itself has made me very happy, but for the next 2 weeks, my life is extremely hectic, what with work, basketball, and drama. I'll manage though. I always do. But anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about on this post. Just to warn you, this is a couples rant, so if you don't like reading about this sort of thing, I will advise leaving now.

Anyways, here goes. This has been festering for a while under my skin.
I'm tired of couples. Not all of them are bad, but they get to be too much. Honestly. I don't want to see you kiss your boyfriend goodbye in the hallway at school. You're going to be separated for what? An hour of class? Horrors! I think you'll die from loneliness in that whole hour! And I'm tired of walking down the hallway and seeing pair after pair of people. Seriously, it's ridiculous. It's okay to stand beside your significant other, but I really don't enjoy standing beside people who are flirting and all giggly and being stupid all the time. It's just school. I mean, please flirt on your dates and stuff, not in front of everybody else. And it's fine to have friends that are dating, that's not a bad thing, and I don't mind it, but he doesn't have to be all you talk about. Every subject does not relate back to him. Another point, cuddling in public should not be allowed. It is okay to allow some space to separate you; you're not going to die. It would be nice to be able to talk to people without them getting distracted by their boyfriend/girlfriend coming up. I mean, I know you like their company better than mine, but we were having a conversation.
One more point, then I shall leave. SUPERFICIALITY. Possibly one of the most frustrating things in the world. Boyfriends are not requisite for life. You don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend just for the sake of having one, just for the sake of saying, "look who I'm dating". How exciting. Forgive me for not jumping with glee. Perhaps don't try so hard. Maybe one will come when you are ready, and he'll be attracted to you, not the facade you put on every day. This last sentence is a lesson I'm learning also. I want a boyfriend who I'm friends with, not a strained relationship. I think I'd rather be friends for a while first. I want him to be attracted to me for me, not for the way I look or dress or any front I may put on. I don't want a relationship that's 2 12-year-olds playing Romeo and Juliet. I want something with God in the middle of it, something that's serious, that I can put myself into and know that that special someone will also be putting himself into with equal something (the correct word has slipped my mind here). But that's all I've got to say right now.

Remember, hallowe'en never falls on a date other than October 31st.

I don't know

I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.

I said, "I like your shoes."

You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"

So it's up the stairs and out of view-No prying eyes

I poured some wine

I asked your name, you asked the time...

Now it's two o'clock-the club is closed and we're up the block

Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans

Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out

You didn't care to know who else may have been you before

I want a lover I don't have to love.

I want a girl who's too sad to give a f---.

Where is the kid with the chemicals?

I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure

I got the money if you've got the time

You said, "It feels good."

I said, "I'll give it a try."

Then my mind went dark-we both forgot where your car was parked

Let's just take the train

I'll meet up with the band in the morning

Bad actors with bad habits

Some sad singers they just play tragic

And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving

Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...

I want a lover I don't have to love

I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

And where's the kid with the chemicals

I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full

I need some meaning I can memorize

The kind I have always seem to slip my mind

But you..But you...you write such pretty words

But life's no storybook

Love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt

Do you like to hurt?

I do, I do then hurt me..then hurt me...then hurt me...

Alright, this is just a song. Don't get on my case for it. I know what it means. But I was listening to it today and had some thoughts. It's sad how many people are like that. It's weird how life is, how some people will do anything to escape it, while others will do anything to get to it.

Jess

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
1. I died from natural causes: cry
2. I kissed you: be really scared and run away
3. I lived next door to you: be happy that my friends live near to me
4. I started smoking: try to convince you to quit
5. I stole something: I don't know
6. I was hospitalized: come visit you
7. I ran away from home: find you and convince you to come back
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there? Jess, fighting?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
9. Personality: good, for lack of a better word
10. Eyes: pretty
11. Hair: pretty
12. Family: I like your family

WOULD YOU:
13. Be my friend?: heck yes
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?: yes
15. Hold my hand? no
16. Take a bullet for me? yes
17. Keep in touch?: yes
18. Try and solve my problems?: I'd try
19. Love me?: yes
20. Date me?: no, sorry

HAVE YOU EVER:
21. Lied to make me feel better?: I don't think so
22. Wanted to kiss me?: no
23. Wanted to kill me?: not that I can recall
24. Broke my heart?: I hope not
25. Kept something important from me?: I don't think so
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?: probably, but I don't remember when

:And More::
27. Who are you? Teri
28. Are we friends? I really hope so
29. When and how did we meet? I think in kindergarten
30. Describe me in one word: caring
31. What was your first impression? you could read! in kindergarten you read to the class some Magic School Bus book about going inside Arnold or something
32. Do you still think that way about me now? well, it's good you can read
33. What reminds you of me? giraffes, short cute people
34. If you could give me anything what would it be? I don't know
35. How well do you know me? not as good as I'd like to
36. When's the last time you saw me? today, at school, as usual
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? again, I don't think so
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you? well, I am

hidden from you (this is me)

Maybe judge who you know, not who you see.
Maybe there's more to this than meets the eye.
Maybe I love you.
Maybe I'm broken.
Maybe I don't need your criticism right now.
Maybe I still have secrets.
Maybe I'm sorry.
Maybe this hurts.
Maybe I want more.
Maybe I have blood on my hands.
Maybe we can get through this.
Maybe we can't.
Maybe I miss you.
Maybe I can see through your disguises.
Maybe I can't breathe.
Maybe letting go is hard.
Maybe these haunting thoughts remind me.
Maybe I don't need you anymore.
Maybe there's more to life than this.
Maybe this is overrated.
Maybe I realized that I'm not happy.
Maybe this is wrong.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe I love your eyes.
Maybe I'm tired of pretending.
Maybe I'm tired of waiting.
Maybe I want you to make the first move.
Maybe we're trapped here.
Maybe we're too late.
Maybe I'm guilty.
Maybe I'm innocent.
Maybe I can't take this anymore.
Maybe you're beautiful.
Maybe I'm blind.
Maybe it's good to see you.
Maybe it's all in the word order.
Maybe this is me. Then again, maybe it's not.

Long forgotten story

I remembered this story... I read it once, I don't remember when or where...

Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman. They were married, and she couldn't get pregnant. They really wanted a child. So they begged the powers that be for a child and she got pregnant. Months past, and she gave birth to identical twin girls. They named them Jessica and Jennifer. That night, the woman had a dream. She dreamt of a beautiful fairy, dressed all in white, with flowing blonde hair and clear blue eyes. The fairy said to the woman, "I have granted your wish. You conceived and gave birth. Now grant me my wish: give one of the girls to me. When she comes of age, I will take her to be my apprentice." The woman thought about this and agreed. She still could keep her other daughter. When she agreed, the white fairy pricked her finger and a large fat drop of ruby red blood landed on the forehead of the twin on the right, the child called Jennifer.
Meanwhile, the father had a dream. He dreamt of a beautiful fairy as well, but this fairy commanded a different beauty. She was dark, and cold, and stunning. Her gown was of flowing black, as was her hair, and her eyes were the color of ravens. This fairy said in a haunting voice, "I have granted your wish. Your wife conceived and gave birth. Now grant me my wish: give one of the girls to me. When she comes of age, I will take her to be my apprentice." The man thought about this, and seeing as how he would still have a daughter, he agreed. At the moment of agreement, the dark fairy pricked her finger. A fat drop of dark red blood fell from it onto the forehead of the twin on the left, the child called Jessica.
The girls grew older, identical in every way except for their coloring. Jennifer had beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes, while Jessica's eyes and hair were the color of inky darkness. They differed slightly in their personalities, as well. Jennifer would sing and dance all day, while Jessica was quiet and refused to sing.
One day, when the girls were 14 years old, their father took ill. Jennifer stayed by his bedside, and sang him songs of happiness and health. She sang of sunshine and fields, of birds and streams, all in her melodious voice. As the father was regaining his strength, getting better, he requested his other daughter, Jessica, to sing for him. She stubbornly refused. He begged and pleaded, and finally, Jessica said, "I have but one song. Do you truly want me to sing it?" The father nodded, and Jessica sang her song. As she sang, his head drooped lower and lower, until he died.
When the girls were 17, their mother took sick. Jennifer sang her songs of beauty, and the mother slowly regained her strength. A few days later, she called Jessica to her bedside. "Daughter," she said, "your sister has sung me many songs. Why is it that you do not share in her delight and sing for me? Do you not love me?" "Mother," Jessica replied, "I do love you, and that is why I do not sing for you. I have but one song. Do you truly want me to sing it for you?" The mother nodded, and Jessica bowed her head, and sang. When she looked up again, her mother was dead.
After the proper period of mourning, the sisters agreed that they should go seek their fortunes in the world. They set off together, walking along a mountain path. After several days, the path reached a valley. Near sunset, the path forked, the right leading into the sunlight and seeming the happier choice. The left led into an inky darkness so deep the stars did not even penetrate it. Night.
"Here," said Jennifer to Jessica, "is where we take our separate paths."
"Yes, " said Jessica, "I must go to the left. It is tugging within me."
"And I am just as strongly called to the right," her twin replied. "It seems to me the road to my happiness."
"Yet, I feel as the left would draw me, it would be my own calling, happy or sad," Jessica said quietly.
The twins hugged each other and turned away, each onto her own path. The light-haired girl meandered up into the sunlight, stooping occasionally to pick a daisy and put it in her hair, or smell the wildflowers, or chat with a sparrow. The dark-haired girl strode down the path of her destiny, not stopping for anything except to disentangle herself from thorny plants or to shout at the hoarse cawing of the ravens.

Stand and watch cathedrals falling

All I really want is to know you
to be touched
to hold hands
If that's alright.
And tonight for the first time
I realized
you're unlike all the others
I hope that's alright.
All I really need from you
is affirmation
and innocence
Would that be alright?
Could you maybe understand that
I want to know your mind
and not your body
That's gotta be alright.
Could you and me fall in love tonight
without touching
just talking
It's alright if we can't.
And if you want to leave right now
I'll understand
and I won't hold it against you
It's alright.
Just know that if you want to talk (or cry) I'm here
anytime
anywhere
It'll be okay, alright?

My hand on my scimitar

I am in shadow
So deeply inured that, should someone try to withdraw me,
Thier very breath drawn from their lungs
We should die ere we reached the surface.
The tendrils of dark coil around
And though one may stare, my face is hidden by my hair
The lasting impressions, of blades, of words, draw black blood
Until I am weak enough to struggle,
Tired enough to scream, perhaps trapped in this dream.
The stagnant air of this sanctuary cold against my skin
And maybe all we thought we knew
Was never really actually true.

Can someone else do this for a while?

I am in blood, stepp'd in so far, that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er.


I realized today that I am quirky. I am different than other people. No one else writes the word 'knee' on the knees of their jeans in black pen. No one else wears their bunnyhugs sleeves weirdly half rolled up like I do. No one else likes the Boston Bruins. I love the Boston Bruins. Very few other people hang out at the library whenever it is open. Very few people read as much as I do. I figured I am a kind of introverted extrovert, but I'm still not sure exactly what that means. I am the only person I know who hates weekends. I prefer school days any day. I watch very little television (CSI). Movies don't count. I know very few people who have words on their ankles. 2, to be exact. I love holding hands, I think, but I have never held anybody's hand. (Note: this is not a quirk, it is actually quite common, and that's okay.)

I wrote a poem last night. I might post it later. But then again, I might not. I haven't gotten to bed before 1:00 the past three nights, and the latest I've woken up was 10:00. So I'm not winning in the lots of sleep category. I love waking up early and being in town on Saturday mornings, though.
So, yeah, to end off, the quote up above is my all-time favorite quote in the world. It is from "Macbeth" Act 3 Scene 4, and it haunts me. (Speaking of haunting, everyone go read The Phantom of the Opera, it's in the school library.)
And now, I really should go back to the school to watch volleyball, so leave a comment or something. I like comments. But if you decide to tell me off, kindly leave your name.
Auf Wiedersehen.

It's morning

Wake up! C'mon, it's time to wake up! The sun's shining, it's morning! *Starting to get panicky* Why won't you wake up? *Sees it* You're not breathing! Oh, you're not breathing! C'mon, c'mon, wake up... *Doing CPR* You can do it. Wake up already!! *Starts sobbing* Damn you! Wake up! Why'd you go and do this to me? *Falls on knees and cries* Damn you! Why won't you just... wake... up?

I'm still waiting for... you to be the one I'm waiting for

Regarding The Dictionary Game:
My word was Tyrolian. My blogger has an aversion to letting me post pictures, so if you want to see the picture, go to google, type in tyrolian, and it's the 4th picture across on the top row. It's a fat guy in ski pants reaching up a pole, trying to put a blue tube over it. There are a bunch of hands reaching up at him.

I found an unusually large nail clipper

It's been this way for so long... how do we get back to something that almost never was? Can you be guilty of something you didn't do?

Here's a riddle I wrote... if you get it don't post the answer.

Two from one
Together yet separate from each other
Dark as night and fair as light
One loved and hated, one hated and loved
The innocence is hidden under shadow, the guilt flashes in the morning sun
And the more you look, the harder it is to see which one is which one

I talk to trucks

I have sunk to a new high.
Or risen to a new low.

It's a shocking bit of footage viewed from a shitty TV screen...

When there's nothing left to live for you must live for death, which in itself is oxymoronic. When you hit rock bottom, and you feel like there's nothing left to do and nowhere left to go, and it's impossible to go up, you can always go sideways. You can live for death the way Captain Nemo did. (If you haven't read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, go borrow it now and read it immediately, you'll better understand what I'm trying to say.) Living for death does NOT mean that you should go kill yourself, not at all. Instead you live for things that can't ever come back, and in a roundabout way you take your revenge on the world for stealing your heart straight out from under you. It is a sad state to live in, this is true, but it is better than no life at all. And so perhaps those on the other side don't know how you feel, you can't blame them for what they have never realized. Maybe we just have to think outside of our comfortable little damning boxes, and we'll see what's been plain as day in front of our eyes this whole time.

"The sun came up with no conclusions
Flowers sleeping in their beds
The city cemetery's humming
I'm wide awake- it's morning"

It's Here!!!

It's November.

Yes. I'll try this again. Everybody comment on this post because I'm tired of finding out at random times during the day that people read this blog. So if you read it, comment please. Thank you.