Tell me in my dreams

I'm procrastinating doing homework right now... I thought of something I wanted to say on here the other day and I didn't right it down so now I've forgotten what it was. I got an email today from someone who worked at camp with me two years ago, and I haven't spoken to him since. It was a mass email telling me that unless I sent it on I would poop my pants often until I did so. I didn't send it on. I deleted it instead. I also keep getting update emails from some guy I've never heard of. I don't open those ones. I delete them.
I've been looking at the sky a lot lately. It's very big. It's very beautiful. It's very lonely and sad in a hauntingly beautiful sort of way.
Knowing what I am [God willing] going to do this summer is nice. It's weird to know that I'm not going back to camp ever. I mean, I love camp. It was my favorite place in the world for a long time, but that time has ended. The places I'm called to are not camp. It's strange to realize that yes, lots of my friends are going to be at Redberry this summer, and I will be somewhere else entirely. No visits this summer. As much as I love it, that chapter has ended. Everywhere I ever thought I wanted to live turned out to be the opposite of what the deeper part of me wants. All the things I loved I still love, yet I know there are things I love more. And God is gracious. It's funny, I know exactly what I want to do with my life, and I have no idea how that will turn out or where I'll end up. Not a clue. It's better this way. I have no choice but to go where He sends me. He's faithful. Even when I'm an idiot, He's faithful. How did I end up serving the one true God, when the chances of me even existing are less than infinitesmial, and yet obviously I do exist? Why does He love me so much? Why do I have so much trouble with everything? To be where I want to be, I have to give up so much. If I give it to You, will You give it back? I know the answer, yet it's still so hard.