Watch your back

Tired. Inspired. Exhausted. Frosted. Jaded. Complicated. Confused. Amused. Calling. Stalling. Ready. Unsteady. Pain. Insane. Outside. Alive.

I'm a massive mess right now and I don't know what's going on, but it's alright. Everything's gonna turn out alright. I don't understand but maybe, just maybe, that's okay. I think I know something I probably shouldn't, but that just makes me laugh. I think perhaps I am learning something I should know, which makes me glad and terrified at the same time. Sleep is lacking and 3 a.m. no longer seems late. Hockey games make me feel energized; I love them. I also saw the worst movie ever last night. It was terrible, not even funny, with the most pointless, stupid plot line I've ever heard of. There was 30 people in a basement, that made me think of home and how that was only me on my birthday. Somehow things are different here. I've come to some conclusions and had some thoughts, and decided I am both impatient and content. I am also a lot colder and a lot warmer. I saw someone today that had hurt me and I was not expecting to see them. It threw me, because I have forgiven them but the pain was fresh in my mind for some reason and I was slightly upset; I did not show it, but we also did not speak. I'm missing people in both directions of my life, but less of an outsider now. I have learned what my addiction is, and now I just must learn how to escape it and how to cope. Somehow I can only face myself at night.