I realized that I am a romantic. The thing I like is real romance, not false things. Perhaps I am in love with an idea instead of a real thing, but I think romance is real. Romance is not going on dates, going to the movies, etc., but it is deeper. Romance is dancing under streetlights or in fields. Romance is lying in the backyard and stargazing. Romance is going on spontaneous walks and holding hands. Romance is sitting around the fire and laughing until you cry. Romance is being able to be yourself around somebody without worrying what they think.
I want to be able to have romance, not just a boyfriend. I want to be myself and not care. I want summer and stars and sunrises and dusk. I want winter and hoarfrost and cold and fireplaces and to curl up under a blanket and watch a movie. I want fall and colored leaves and basketball and school. I want spring and mowing the lawn and waving at passing cars and saskatoonberries and rain. I don't know exactly what I want anymore. Sometimes I want the ability to forget.
I made up a quote yesterday, it's on the calendar at school. "Love is not a feeling, it's a decision you make whether you're happy or sad, guilty or innocent. You can like someone, but love is choosing to die for them." There's a sparkle in your eyes that's not usually there. And I wish I was the cause.
Make your choice, adventurous stranger, Strike the bell and bide the danger, Or wonder, 'til it drives you mad, What would have followed if you had.
...but I like breathing...
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