The sky is falling

Don't look at me that way
There's nothing I can do
I don't know what to do with you
Don't make me handle you
Don't ask me questions I can't answer honestly
Don't ask me to do this today
There's no way I can fix this for you
I seriously can't help you now
Don't look at me like that
You're driving me to the point of insanity
There's nothing I can say but what I've already said
It's not going to change now
It's not my fault I love you

All you need is love... love is just a game

I came to 3 conclusions today, while doing my puzzle and listening to George Strait.
1) People in relationships who become too dependent on their significant other are screwed.
2) People in relationships who constantly think only of their significant other are screwed.
3) People in relationships who have the need to be in a relationship all the time are screwed.

I came to more conclusions today too. They are:
1) Social Studies is probably the most boring thing ever invented.
2) I don't want to go to Regina next week.
3) I am so extremely excited for basketball and I want to go to HOOPLA so so bad.
4) I enjoy almost all music including Celtic, reggae, jazz, and blues.
5) I hate most rap and all R&B.
6) Tomorrow night is going to be SWEET.

In other news, I had a sleepover last weekend and I'm still not caught up on my sleep. We stayed up until 4 in the morning and I'm still tired from it. It was great fun though. I'd totally do it again. Also, I got interviewed yesterday for the Country Press, so I guess I'm famous now. I'll be in the newspaper sometime in December because I wrote that story and got it published. So watch the Press, folks. Actually don't. I think it'll probably be kind of cheesy. So that is all that's new with me, comment on my life and tell me what you think of it. Even if you're not from Canada and don't know me, because that would just be entertaining. I like feedback, except from microphones.

"I had a dream I was Florence Nightingale and was getting raped..."

I miss you so bad sometimes

For the rest of my life I'll remember the Spanish kids of this summer and how they taught me that nothing is everything and my everything is really nothing at all, and that to be real is the only thing they see. I fell in love this summer so deeply that I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

Why does it cry, precious?

Kill me quick, kill me now
Because I don't want to have to spend
Another night sleeping
With my eyes wide open in
This cemetery world

I'm tired of hanging on
For dear life upside-down
I'm tired of being compared
To you

Remind me again how long
It takes to get out of this
And how much it doesn't hurt
To fall at this speed

Be who you are and say
Exactly what you mean
Knowing the smile in your eyes isn't fake
Even when the smile on your mouth is



I broke my writer's block today. Aren't you all proud of me? I hadn't written in something like 2 months and all of a sudden these first 3 verses came pouring out. (With my last name it's a wonder I don't get writer's block more often.) Seriously, why does everyone laugh at me and tell me I'll change my mind when I say I want 8 kids? I do. Don't tell me differently. (This is a different topic.) It's not that uncommon of a thing. I want a large family. What is wrong with that? Today was my Grandpa's birthday, so we went over there and had cake, and then spent 4 hours there, just hanging out. It was really good. I opened one of my Grandma's old jewelry boxes, and the smell of her drifted out. I almost started crying. I hadn't smelled her since she died, and that was 9 years ago now, when I was 7. It shouldn't have affected me as much as it did, but somehow I don't want to change it. Strange way for a 16-year-old girl to spend her Friday evening, nein? Guten nacht.

I don't know exactly where I am

I just wanted to be happy...

I thought I always wanted a boyfriend, I mean, who doesn't? It's normal, right? And then I got a chance to have one and I realized I don't really want one. Well, actually, I do, but I can feel God telling me to wait, because He is courting me right now and I have no time for boyfriends. Which is kind of cool because He's right. And it all worked out in the end and I'm happier just being friends, because then there's no pressure and nothing weird is happening. I'm sick of couples anyway, I don't think I want to join their ranks quite yet. It's comfortable this way. Besides, as I said already, couples annoy me.
Strange how life works, you know, always thinking you want something and then finding out you don't want it after all. Sometimes because there's something so much better out there and sometimes then you realize that now you have this big gaping hole and you're like, well, now what? (Which is a different topic for those of you who actually followed that statement.)
I also realized I would never be happy in a 9-5 job. I mean, I would hate it. Even if it was a job I liked, a routine like that would be the death of me. I need a job that's not ordinary, something that I would love, something out of doors but not ridiculous, something that could require travelling but wouldn't make me leave my family for long periods of time, because I want a family. What is my life going to be like after this year? It's almost like I'm relying on my routine to get through the year but it's not what I want. And to top it all off, it's too cold to run.

It's so amazing here...

If you could live the rest of your life thinking on what could have happened, you'll never notice life banging on your door and saying, “Look what's happening now!”

You can't change what's past but you can react to what's now instead of living in the past.

Be real before it's too late.

“So let go and jump in,
You'll be alright,
Because there's beauty in the breakdown.”

“Life's so amazing here”

You make me want to scream. I don't know what to say to you. I care about you so so much and this is just hurting you and we both know it. But there's nothing I can do and it's way beyond me now. You're just too damn stubborn to see how you're hurting yourself. It frustrates me to no end to see this, and to have to sit back and watch, knowing there is nothing I can do. I'm not denying I have my own problems because we both know what I've done. We both knew better and we're still scarred forever, so please snap out of it before you lose to something that was never real in the first place. It's consuming you and I hate so much to sit helplessly by.

I want to write about my courtship but somehow it seems this isn't the time to do it. I will say this, however: I am being courted and it is the most amazing feeling in the world, because I'm realizing that if someone can know me so well and still love me, well, he's amazing. (I'm more glad than ever we both chose like we did, because otherwise my life would be so messed up right now, and I have to say I'd never be like this if we had chosen that, and this is so much better than that could ever be now.)


..today I love breathing...

I still want to hold hands

"Have you ever had an impossible crush... like on someone who's dead?"

"Maybe it was angelfood cake!"

Seriously, I love you guys. We are the most Mennonite people ever. I mean, Thiessen, Falk, Pauls, Klassen, Siemens, Foth, Kessler, Funk, Wiebe, Wall, Block, Friesen, Braun, Quiring, (Nickel, Hango, Jeschke, Freistadt). Menn-o-nite. We are the most amazing group ever and I wouldn't trade you for anyone in the world.

You say all the right things

Funny, isn't it, how God works things out in the end. There's so much I didn't have to worry about because God just took care of it all. I'm happier, I think, than if we would have chosen differently. I'm learning to be patient and wait on God's timing. I'm also learning to trust God, I guess, and follow what He says even though it's not what I want exactly, but in the end it's exactly what I want. I'm content now, I think. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you say all the right things even when you're not trying to. So I'm officially not dating right now and that is perfectly fine with me, better than alright.

Someday I will win a spitting contest though. I will work on it until I can win.
So I am happy now, happy not dating, happy because it's a long weekend and I have homework up to my ears and I am doing things with friends I haven't seen in a long time, and things with friends I have seen not that long ago, and in between. If I have one regret, though, it would be that I still wanted to hold your hand.
I'm off, have a very merry weekend. Leave a comment, I like comments. Auf wiedersehen.

Magic

Where am I?

School needs to be over, I'm tired of certain teachers, I'm tired of homework, I'm tired of not knowing what I'm going to do after I graduate. I'm just tired, and living for weekends and weeknights. I guess my priorities are backwards, but I don't really care. It's echoing sentiments of a lot of us, that this is all going down when there's nothing we're doing and we could be doing everything to change it.

"I'm waiting for the breakdown..."

I've got your back if you've got my hand

Open mouth, insert foot.
Or even better, open foot, insert mouth.

Why is this so difficult? Seriously, you're making this a circus. But you're pretty much screwing yourself over because I'm happy with the way things are. I don't think they could get any better than they are right now at this point. It's pretty much exactly what I wanted, without my having to ask, so yeah, I like this. You also make me laugh because you're not really obvious or anything. Not a coincidence. I find you hilarious.

Physics should die. I don't get it and then when I'm actually paying attention and I think I did alright on an assignment I get a whole 50%. Right. That's real encouraging. Thank you.

If anyone at all still reads this they should leave comments. Even if you're a creeper and I don't know you you should leave a comment because I like comments. It adds some excitement to my "dreary" life. Haha. Get it? I didn't really think you would.

And to end, I've been having weird dreams lately. There's generally recurring places, places I have dreamed about years ago and forgotten about until I dream them again. And then you wonder how much of your waking life is a dream and how much of your dreams are real.
"I think it's kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."