I don't know exactly where I am

I just wanted to be happy...

I thought I always wanted a boyfriend, I mean, who doesn't? It's normal, right? And then I got a chance to have one and I realized I don't really want one. Well, actually, I do, but I can feel God telling me to wait, because He is courting me right now and I have no time for boyfriends. Which is kind of cool because He's right. And it all worked out in the end and I'm happier just being friends, because then there's no pressure and nothing weird is happening. I'm sick of couples anyway, I don't think I want to join their ranks quite yet. It's comfortable this way. Besides, as I said already, couples annoy me.
Strange how life works, you know, always thinking you want something and then finding out you don't want it after all. Sometimes because there's something so much better out there and sometimes then you realize that now you have this big gaping hole and you're like, well, now what? (Which is a different topic for those of you who actually followed that statement.)
I also realized I would never be happy in a 9-5 job. I mean, I would hate it. Even if it was a job I liked, a routine like that would be the death of me. I need a job that's not ordinary, something that I would love, something out of doors but not ridiculous, something that could require travelling but wouldn't make me leave my family for long periods of time, because I want a family. What is my life going to be like after this year? It's almost like I'm relying on my routine to get through the year but it's not what I want. And to top it all off, it's too cold to run.