This weather is good

SNOW!!! It's snowing it's snowing it's snowing. It's beautiful. And white. And cold. And falling in flakes from the sky in the millions and billions and every one is different and unique and beautiful. It's sprinkling the world with a white blanket that puts everything to sleep to wake up in six months time and it's beautiful. Just over a month until winter. A little more than that until Christmas. And the ground is white like it should be. Praise the Lord.

Every now and again

Technology is getting more and more ridiculous every day. Whatever happened to not listening to music plugged into your head when you are having a conversation with somebody, especially a serious one? What happened to talking to people, not typing words onto a machine that the other person receives a few seconds later? I much prefer real conversation. Where did all the fun of hanging out go? Our culture seems to prefer speed and technology over taking time and quality time. What happened to long slow walks where there are no distractions, no telephones, no music constantly pumping into your head, and no worries about who is doing what as is posted on the computer? Where is our time to be alone, alone with ourselves, alone with other people, or alone with God? How oxymoronic that I am typing this onto a computer. Not that technology is bad, we should just use it in more moderation than we seem to be doing. We're technology addicts. There's always more, always better, always faster. You can't catch up. As soon as you do, there's something newer. Our culture is degenerating so fast, you can't keep up. Whatever happened to the old ways of doing things? They were done that way for a reason. Perhaps because it worked.

Nothing here to see folks

A lonely lake, a lonely shore,
A lone pine leaning on the moon;
All night the water-beating wings
Of a solitary loon.

With mournful wail from dusk to dawn
He gibbered at the taunting stars—
A hermit-soul gone raving mad,
And beating at his bars.

-Lew Sarett


I think the trees are dying
They're starving for some love
Your eyes change color like the trees
And slowly fade like echoes from above

Going slightly mad

Home for the weekend. Going back to school tomorrow night. Going home. I'm crazy.
I'm surviving, I like school and I love living in dorms. As much as I'd like to say I miss my friends from home it is not as true as I might think. New place, new friends, new era in my life. Weird. Constantine got taken away from me... I didn't say she was spoken for. Damn. I have this strange desire to rip off my skin and throw it at people. To swerve into oncoming traffic. To jump into the fire. To take a sharp corner at high speed and forget to turn the steering wheel. Would you believe me when I say I like my life and wouldn't trade it for anything? Although I still have the desire to beat certain people with a stick until I feel better about that. Funny how my holidays are now spent at the house I grew up in, but the rest of my life is not. Funny how life changes in the blink of an eye. Funny how the scars I don't regret people don't approve of and I don't get them anymore; while the scars I do not like or want are the ones I still tend to give myself, but people don't mind so much. They're easier to pass off as habit, partially because they are.
Look what you did... or have I done it to myself?

Radio and color

I wish I could sing. I wish a lot of things. One can hear the people in concert choir singing from here, it's pretty. Facebook is dumb and stupid and is taking over the world. I miss Daniel. I miss Constantine.

Blue flowers

Funny how one falls into the same trap over and over again, knowing the dangers. It's hard to help yourself sometimes. But I'm learning. Slowly. Maybe. God is teaching me stuff, the question is now whether or not I'll retain it and use it this time. Hopefully. Although I think I handled this quite well it's hard for me to learn from it. I know my weakness now.

Sometimes songs are all I hear

Your day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all her words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you
She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone
She doesn't need him
Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head
You won't forget her
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years

-The Beatles

You broke my heart
I thought
But now I know better

Don't say it...

...even when I want you to

Three sleepless nights
This isn't how its supposed to be.
But you are so good at taking your time to get back to me.
I will wait for you forever, if you would just ask me.
I thought that I could change you
but you changed me.
It doesn't feel right, holding someone else's hand.
Together on phone lines, and living at two opposite ends.
It scares me to think, that you could find takers other than me, and better than me.
But your head is elsewhere, and I’m talking enough for both of us.
When will you see it's not (it’s not) so easy for me
you’re careless, and whispered, insulting, and bruising.
And I thought that you said things were improving.
These laces are untied,
but my feet are still walking away.
(I fall from you eyes, your eyes I trusted, you said forever)
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can still be...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
(Don't say that we can still be friends)
Erase my name from this page.
How can you take all these days (What is inside of me what have I done?)
and throw them away (Is this the only way that you will notice me?)
as I sit here waiting for you (for you)
(Dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)
I stay up nights (If you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky (Why can't you look at me can you only see?)
knowing what my dreams can take away (One side, your side, can take away)
Walk away from me.
This night is done.

-Emery

Like anyplace worth being

So I'm here like I've been everywhere else and it's strange and new and overwhelming but I'll get used to it and then it'll be fine. We have lots of reading throughout the semester which shouldn't be hard but I'm a procrastinator. Life goes on. It's weird that most people here are not from Saskatchewan, I've never been in this situation before. Probably because I've never been to college before. Ironically now that I'm here I kind of want to go home, to go back to where I was comfortable. But then the friends I'm making I wouldn't be making. So then I want to be where I am. I wish I had a car. Sometimes I wish I wasn't crazy. But then again, I wouldn't be what I am if I wasn't crazy. Classes are good, I'm taking Spiritual Formation, Intro to the Bible, Intro to Biblical Interpretation, Intro to TESOL, and Marriage and Family. How very exciting. Living in dorms is fun, I highly recommend it to everyone at least once. Same with Bible school. But I want to see Steph... STEPH... come visit me... I miss you for a long time.
Goodnight.

Life's waiting to begin

It's nice outside. And I don't know why I'm inside sitting at the computer. Habit, I guess. Like smoking or dancing. I think I'll go back outside when this is done.
I'm getting antsy. Can't sit still. Life is changing and swirling me along with it and sometimes I don't know where we're going. Is that such a bad thing? I'm tired of the same questions when people are trying to make small talk with me. Come up with something original, why don't you? But still, as it all stands, I'm excited for moving to Bethany.
School started today. It is the strangest concept, not being there, and at the same time it feels perfectly natural. It just feels like school hasn't started yet, that's all. And when I do go, the same people won't be there and it will be different. A different sort of school. I'm scared of growing up. Hesitant. It scares me. As much as I want to grow up I want to stay where I am, where I'm comfortable. But we all know that'll never happen. God works in strange ways sometimes. All the time.

...here I am...