Right angles on a kitchen floor

Right angles on a kitchen floor
Christmas lights on rainy days
All I want is something more
Writing more than different ways
Laying down to stare at a star
Cold white bubbles in a bathtub
Your arms feel oh so far
Gravity swirls around its hub
Technicolor eyes taught me how to dance
A smile; a crinkled grey eye bends
So give us this one last chance
Before any of this ends



I got a speeding ticket today, for going 57 in a 40 zone. Whatever. Ich interessiere mich nicht. Ich mag nicht die Polizei. Ich bin frustriert, that's all. And etwas ungeduldig.
20 days until Underoath, 3 until school. And tomorrow I'm dying my hair dark dark brown. I had a long hot bath tonight. It helped soothe my emotions. Good thing I know what those are, so I can deal with them properly, eh?

We're nothing short of invincible

Home. Home is good.
It's after midnight and I just spent a week with little sleep and now I'm eating ribs and listening to music and I'm on the internet. (Obviously.) Some days I don't understand myself. Make that most days. I'm really excited for school to start, just so it can be over. I want to go back to camp, to always have something to do and people to be with, but where I can be alone should I so desire. Camp is nice, too, because you're isolated enough that the stupid things happening in the world don't affect you as much. I feel like writing but my words won't come. THAT is one of the most frustrating things in the world, when your main outlet is stopped up. I keep using the carpet as a napkin. But it's a carpet. So yeah, I have kittens. Or rather, Phantom has kittens. Three. An orange one named Coffee, a black one named Shade, and a tortoiseshell named Catti-brie. I already miss my LIT group, and t'other LIT group that I met this week, and other people from camp, and Philly people, from Philadelphia, and the Dalmeny people I haven't seen in a week.

When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight
These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?
Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends
August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight
You never know what temporal days may bring
So Laugh, love, live free, and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord
-Anberlin

Dry eyes in the pouring rain

Underoath is coming back to Saskatoon. This time I AM going, although I do not have a ticket yet. Along with them are Moneen, Silverstein, and He is Legend, three bands I've heard of but never heard. Don't really care though. I just want to see Underoath. Really bad. Would anyone care to accompany me? Although I would go by myself anyway, 'twould be more fun with someone.
Yeah, in other news, camp was fun, I"m going back for one more week, in a cabin, and then I might go to Calgary with my family for a couple days. Then school starts again. Hoorah. I like school. Anyway, this computer's stupid.

The only sex I ever had was in a pan

...and you know I'm proud of that!

I went to the Fringe today. Or... yesterday, as it were. 'Twas a lot of fun. I bought another spray paint painting from that street painter that was at Dalmeny Days last year. It's pretty, it has the Northern Lights on it, which is why I bought it. I am in love with the Aurora Borealis.
Something I realized today was that I can't keep wishing to go back to Philly. That'll come in its time. I have to live in the here and now, instead of in my memories, rich as they may be. I am looking forward to camp on Sunday though. Which is good, because I would have to beat myself up if I wasn't.
The other thing I realized was that I am usually happiest where I meet God. Philadelphia, Redberry, etc. But I need to learn to meet God here at home, to be happy here at home, before I can run off to other places and be happy there. I'm working on it. Happiness is a choice, not so much an effect. So I choose to let God work in me. I choose to be happy.

In

Guess.

Spectacular

Light shows.
What else can I say?

Thursday night: Northern Lights like nobody's business. They were moving like crazy and were some of the brightest I've ever seen this far south and besides being green were pink on the bottom. Pink. I tried to take pictures but it didn't work too well.
Saturday night: Lightning. The sky was lit constantly, in these big beautiful flashes that just lit up the heavens but never came down to earth. It was behind clouds and in front of them, making it beautiful.
This is the one thing I shall never get used to as long as I live, the sky lights of Saskatchewan. And wherever I go and whatever I do, they will be what I miss the most.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."

Fire is wet, water burns

"It's so funny how we see things so clear when we have no time left to live" "We're nothing but hollow vessels in search of what makes us alive" "Don't stop breathing- the walls have just begun to spin" "What're you so afraid of?" "Wake up and step outside your box" "There's no turning back tonight" "What liars we can be"
"You my dear are the one I fear tonight"

I dreamed you lived close by, close enough that we could walk side by side and I didn't have to drive to see you.
I dreamed our time that we hung out.
I dreamed you told me you loved me.
I dreamed a river and a bridge in the black of night.
I dreamed we were together.
But what right have I, to dream of such things?

Who says you can't go home?

"I know why you never take your eyes off of me
I've used my lungs for everything but breathing"
"To fit inside your box
Would be to sell myself short"
"Close the door, lock it tight
Then I'll know you're safe tonight"
"Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench
And when I press the keys it all gets reversed
The sounds of loneliness make me happier"

When there's nothing to forgive,
Too much to forget
It's all I can do to live
In this lack of regret
My emotions are in turmoil
Senses in a swirl, and everything is bent
And everything's coming to a boil
A body lying on the pavement
Until I realize it's me
Can't handle this anymore
Open my eyes, let me see
Into the truth, through the lore
Let's take this crazy chance
Smile with our eyes
Dance this wild dance
Look through the lies
Until there's nothing to forgive
Too much to forget
And I love being alive
In this lack of regret

Blind

The concert tonight was fun. In short:
Halifax: unremarkable. Didn't care for them.
Anberlin: very good. I jumped around in the mosh pit and almost got knocked over many times. It was a very hard mosh pit, but it was great fun. They played all my favorite songs by them so I was not disappointed; I got to hear what I came for. Bought a t-shirt.
Hawthorne Heights: also very good. I like them more now that I have heard more than 2 of their songs. Might go buy a CD.
Story of the Year: their music I liked. Not so their lead singer. He felt the need to insert the f word in every sentence where he had no reason to. He bothered me more than a little. I left early.
Afterwards: went and sat at Tim Hortons by myself and drank an iced cappuchino. Thought for a while. Went home, took the wrong exit, and ended up going back into the city until I could turn around, which was quite a ways.
All in all, I'm glad I went. 'Twas fun, although my ear is ringing now and won't stop. I don't want to be deaf.

Really and truly, let's hang out tomorrow. I don't care who you are, I'm supposed to sit at home all day and watch the orchard. So come on over, it will be a party. Please, rescue me.

I keep dreaming these strange dreams, stranger as my dreams go. And in every one I'm trying so hard to save someone, but I always wake up before I can. We're running away, and hiding, and I have to help them. It's always a different scenario. For some queer reason, I'm also pregnant in more and more of my dreams nowadays. It makes you wonder...

Promise me...

The sun sets the same
Some things never change
Whether we're together or apart
The sun sets the same.

The sun rises the same
Something that never fades
From wherever we are
The sun'll rise the same.

The Northern Lights will dance
Some things never pass
Look at the sky and hold hands
The Northern Lights will dance.

The stars will still shine
No matter what you try
Cold in their far-off dance
The stars will always shine.

The sky will never forget
It's you and me in this endless pattern
Giving ourselves just another chance
No one could ever regret.