It's raining

It rains a lot here. I like it.
On Friday we went to a lake called Cultus Lake, which was basically a day of hanging out beside a very cold lake (I didn't go in, but some people did), playing volleyball, and playing a game called Incan Gold, or according to Jacob, "GEM UP!!!"
Saturday we went canoing and hiking in the mountains. There are mountains here, and they are very beautiful. We canoed for a ways, and that was a gong show, and then we hiked up a trail to a waterfall, which was stunning. This weekend was a time of hanging out and spending time together as a group. It's a lot of fun, we get on really well so far. You could pray that that continues, because it's a blessing and as some of us will be living together for the next 9 months, getting along is kind of important.
As the first week here is ending, things are going well. Tomorrow, they say, the really intense part starts. Apparently, this week was introduction. You could pray that I would get into journaling, because that's something that I am so far not great at, and also pray that I would have desire to pray, and go deeper in my relationship with God. I realized on Tuesday that I don't really pray anymore, and this is kind of a problem. Prayer is extremely important, and I need to commune with my King and Lover.
The best part of the weather is that I know that I am loved, because it's always raining. There is no escape from the knowledge that God loves me and is pursuing me. I remember every time it rains.

You're going where, to do what?

Many of you may be wondering what I am learning here in BC. The answer is, a lot. There is no way I could share everything, but I'll try to touch on some things. This afternoon we learned about MBMSI and all that goes into a successful mission agency. It was pretty fascinating. It makes sense why we don't just send money to missionaries- if you know who you're sending money to and what they believe and why they are going to another country, you are more likely to support them, financially and in other ways.
Yesterday Randy Friesen spoke about risk-taking obedience. Things are always better with an element of the unknown. He had 3 points. (This made note-taking easier.) They were salvation, discipleship, and mission. These all have an element of risk. In fact, they are mostly made up of risk. Here are some samples from my notes:
Salvation- Luke 13:22-27; Luke 14:25-35; Luke 18:18-30; and Ephesians 2:1-10. Jesus is asking for everything- all that we have. What are we willing to give up? All of it? If I'm still holding on to things, I am not following Jesus. This isn't necessarily about money or possessions (although we shouldn't hold on to those) but about the heart. Salvation comes through sacrifice. Man can't save people, only God can, so let the Holy Spirit work. It's easier to conform than rebel (against what the world says), but conforming doesn't teach you much.
Discipleship- Luke 19:11-27; Luke 11:1-13. You're not going to get maximum potential from your life if you just hold on to it, if you don't risk you don't grow. You have to be willing to lose what you've got in order to gain something. Prayer is the language of the kingdom of God. To follow Jesus, listen to him. Faith is exercised when asking God for things. God wants to give generously, because it will glorify Him, it will hallow His name. Disciples have to risk being ridiculous.
Mission- Luke 10:1-7. Mission is going to cost something. Deliberately put yourself in a place of vulnerability and need, rely on God to provide. (I've definitely got that one on right now.) The most effective impact happens when we put ourselves in the weaker position. This is counterintuitive but so is the kingdom of God. If Jesus calls you to do something, even if it's outrageous, GO FOR IT! Walk with grace and humility, and say thank you. Have an attitude of vulnerability, humility, and dependency.
This is some of what I am learning and being challenged with. There's no way to get everything on here. The only way to absorb everything is with God anyway. We've also been talking about intercessory prayer and yesterday we went and listened to God for a while, after asking Him what He thought about us. And this is what I got. (I was sitting on stairs at the time.) I'll leave off with it.

The stairs go up, the stairs come down
And I sit listening, distracted again
There's too much in the way
All this to hear You say,
"My Child, I love you anyway
I always have and always will
You're beautiful, you see
And of everything in all the world
Nothing could love you like Me."

Here at last

Just so you all know, after a much longer than anticipated stay in Calgary, Aleah and I arrived in Abbotsford around 10:00 local time last night. Our flight from Calgary was supposed to land in Abbotsford at 1:00, but after getting to about 1000 feet above ground here, the pilot decided it wasn't safe to land. So, logically, we flew back to Calgary. Then we stood in a line for over two hours, and got tickets on a flight to Vancouver that left at 7:30. So we got here later than expected, but the important thing is that we got here. And here we are. I guess things are really picking up now.

Holding on and letting go

Today is the day to start packing. I know it's only Wednesday, but I have to move all my stuff to my parents' house before I go yet. And for not working, it's sure been a busy week.
I was lying in bed last night, and I thought, "It's time to go." As much as I love you all, I'm ready to leave. It's been great seeing everyone again, but I'm starting to be ready to start. The first steps have been taken, so these are my next steps out, if you will. It is time to go.

The haunting melodies of old
Somehow entertain my mind
The songs I've never sung before
They sneak up from behind

They whisper and they laugh
They wail and they cry
They softly tell of ages past
And many things long gone by

They'll remind you of a dream
A place somewhere far away
A place you've never been before
But somehow long to stay.

Welcome to Nowhere

Okay, so welcome to my blog. This is where you want to look to find out where I am, what I am doing, and what I am learning. If you are reading this then you probably know, or are about to find out, that pretty soon I am headed to Abbotsford B.C. for two months, and after that, Guadalajara, Mexico, for 7 months, as an intern at the Matthew Training Center. Thank you for coming along on my journey. Thank you for praying. (This is also where you will find prayer requests.) Thank you for supporting me, be you the church, or friends from school, or family, or anyone else who randomly stumbles across here and reads.

I just wanted to explain the name of this blog. "Unaccounted for" is how I often felt growing up, especially in high school. Like I didn't fit. Like I didn't belong anywhere. One thing God has been teaching me lately is that I belong with Him, and He'll take care of the rest. He'll supply my nourishment, both figuratively and literally. When I belong to God, I don't belong to the world. I think that I am still unaccounted for now, but in a different way. I am accounted where it matters.
"Welcome to Nowhere" is the title of a poem I wrote 2 1/2 years ago, while on my freshman year missions trip to Calgary with Bethany College. (This is an unashamed plug for Bethany. It's wonderful. It will change your life. Go.) This trip changed my life. I realized there that missions is about people, not going places. And people are right in your backyard. Maybe in your house. At the office. Missions is about glorifying God in your life, wherever you are. And often there are hurting people around you everywhere. This is Nowhere. The people that are hurting, the people surrounding you that you never see because you see them every day. Nowhere is the places that everyone always looks past, because it is normal. Nowhere can be the inner city. That's where I found it. Nowhere can be your job. Nowhere can be East Berlin. And for me right now, Nowhere is Mexico. I am certain this is where God is sending me for now, and no matter what happens, I am going to trust Him. Thank you for coming, and please keep reading, but also, go out into your own Nowhere. And glorify Him.

I found a door to Nowhere
It really was absurd
And I looked back at Somewhere
Feeling free as a bird
I walked through that door to Nowhere
And found myself in love
Perhaps that land of Nowhere
Was my calling from above
And now I live in Nowhere
But they all know my name
Since I found that door to Nowhere
Nothing was ever the same

I'm tired of sleeping

The music is loud
And the words cut deep
It's not a bad thing, but
I'm too tired to sleep
I miss so much, so far away
You know I've broken my wings
I've burned all my bridges
Left for lesser things
I'm tired of waiting
Why won't you arrive
And then we are set free
Then we're alive
Feel the fire it traces
It draws lines in the night
It shows all my old scars
And sets them alight

Long time, long time in coming

I have come to the conclusion that friendship is inconvenient. This, I think, is the major reason I refuse to get facebook. Because true friendship is inconvenient. It means going out of your way, and it costs something, be that $40 to help someone who's broke, or 56 cents for a stamp. Not everyone you ever meet will be this kind of friend. I just don't see the point of conveniently being "friends" with 400 people when I could inconveniently be good friends with 20. I would rather catch up with you over coffee once a month than see all your doings from a distance every day. It seems more real to me. And as for far away ones, I would rather get a letter or a telephone call once a month than an email or a mass facebook message every other day. I would rather be real the only way I know how.

I don't think anyone reads this anymore, but if you do, congratulations. I just needed to get this out, one way or another.

For Jana #2

It hurts sometimes to let it go
Falling hard in ways we can't know
Fitting in to lose again
It's one of those things we can't explain
Waiting now it hurts the most
For all those songs are from the past
And though the ocean's beautiful
It never had anything on you
Life was good but now it's cold
But they never promised easy
No, they never said I'm sorry
So the faintest strains of "I love you"
Trickle through the noise
Until tears fall with the sound
Of everything inside
And everything goodbye
Wishing it wasn't so
Wishing it didn't hurt to let it go

Knowing is still hard

I wish I belonged somewhere. I belong here. I wish I felt like I belonged somewhere.
I wish I belonged with you, but that's not mine to say. I wish you'd say it.

FIRE!!

1)We light up our lights to hide the night
Till the night has an eerie glow
We do not see the strange beauty
Of the starshine here below

The stars are alive
Though hiding inside
And the night is bright
With the fire behind
The sky.

And the darkness waits
And the darkness rests
In the savage romance of the air
With the lights that we hide to cover our fright
At the beauty ignored spinning there


2)The fire in the sky is red
It dances cloudy o'er my head
The fire underground is white
And brings to men things of delight
The blood is running through my hands
Dark red to brown against it stands
The things that are, we often hope
Are hiding there, just out of scope
The fire can bring them to light
Coming out of darkest night
And though these things seem to be fair
A lot more pain is hidden there


3)It seems sometimes that we may dream
Hearkening to things unseen
And every now we have to wait
These appetites we cannot sate
Heralding the things to come
When I no longer leave alone
And though the time is not yet nigh
Soon 'twill be, and then I'll fly
And there on the ground, in a wonderful way
Will be all the things I have yet to say
It seems sometimes that we may rise
Leaving away across star-filled skies


4)Everything's going to be alright
Though it doesn't seem like it tonight
And when everything comes crashing down
The hope that's left seems it will drown
Though they say "The time was right"
It doesn't feel so, this long dark night
I wish so much that we had more time
Even to listen to this last sad rhyme
We stand and we sit, we hope and desire
For in death there is life, and in night the fire


5)Her addiction slowly comes
And manifests itself
In ways she can't forget
She wishes she could remember
The time before the laughter
And not what followed after
'Cause when the poison fills her veins
It runs straight to her brain
To eat her, to leave her alive
She resents it, but she needs it
She can no longer live without it
Nothing else is worth anything
But that one touch, and that one strain
So she covers her self with her sleeves
And goes, her eyes twitching violently
Waiting to be caught
To be told to stop
But it doesn't come 'cause she's alone
She shuts herself away
Because nothing is okay
She can hate it but she can't fight it
She can no longer hide it
The war within shows on her skin
In smooth red trenches
Landmines and scars
And dirty blades that come with pain
She's forgotten how this started
Or what match set off this fire
But now she's down and recalling
The bliss of the forgetting
And sets to bring the destruction
All over again