Feet are made for dancing

Rules are made for breaking
Hands are made for holding
Songs are made for singing
Afternoons for waiting

If paper was made for writing
Then post office boxes were made for mail

Trees are made for burning
Knives are made for cutting
These games are made for playing
And still I'm waiting...

We can't rewind we've gone too far

Once again, Conor Oberst has put my thoughts onto his music and I wonder how much someone has to go through to write like this but I realize it's not as much as you think, it is just an extraordinary talent. I wish I could write this well.


All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made, I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing or not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
I guess that it's typical
To cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know
And there below
His frozen face
You wrote the name and that ancient date, that ancient date
And you can't believe that he's really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song and
I'm sorry about the phone call; and waking you.
I know that it is late,
But thank you for talking, because I needed to.
Some things just can't wait.

Trying to keep alive

1. If you could marry one celebrity who would it be? Conor Oberst, hands down
2. If you could be anywhere in the province during this blizzard, where would you be? I don't want to answer this question, it might come back to haunt me
3. What's your favorite season and why? Winter because I was born on the Winter Solstice
4. Favorite style of music? Celtic
5. Favorite city? Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6. Favorite color? purple
7. Favorite time of day? (or night) 3 o'clock, am and pm
8. Describe yourself in one or two words. fire
9. What would your mother say if she heard you swearing? she would be angry
10. Would you rather sleep on a bed or a couch? couch
11. Do you have any tattoos? If so what? no but I want an Alpha and Omega on my ankle
12. Are there any lyrics you've discovered recently which perfectly apply to your life? yes, "Happy Birthday to Me" by Bright Eyes
13. Are you a songwriter? frick no but I do write poetry, does that count?
14. Have you ever played in a band? no, I'm musically uninclined
15. Who's your favorite author? Ted Dekker
16. How many books, on average, do you read a month? I don't know, 20?
17. What is your favorite book? "The Reckoning" by James Byron Huggins
18. What is your favorite quote? "Make your choice, adventurous stranger, Strike the bell and bide the danger, Or wonder, 'til it drives you mad, What would have followed if you had." -C.S. Lewis in "The Magician's Nephew"
19. Do you have any pets? If so, what and what are their names? two cats named Freckles and Phantom
20. If you could have one exotic animal for a pet what would it be? a lion
21. Have you ever done anything you regret completely? yes
22. Have you ever done anything bad but never felt bad afterwards? yes
23. Do you creep anybody on myspace? not really on myspace
24. What does your computer screensaver look like? camouflage green words that say "Broken Wings"
25. Is your hair straight or curly? wavy/curly
26. Have you ever gotten really drunk? Why or why not? no because every time I had a chance I was driving
27. What do you do when you're snowed in? read, go on the computer and make stupid quizzes
28. Have you ever been in a bus crash? no
29. Do you pick your zits? usually
30. How many days until your birthday? umm, lots
31. Where is number 31? it died when my brain stopped functioning properly
32. What are you sitting on right now? a bed
33. Why are you on the computer? because I'm so cool
34. Do you go barefoot in shoes? sometimes
35. Do you wear wristbands? one, sometimes
36. When is your birthday? December 21
37. How many close friends do you have that you'd trust with your deepest secrets? I don't know, 3
38. Would you ever kiss a stranger? depends
39. Have you ever gone into shock? I don't think so
40. Who would you most want to meet in all the world? (living or dead) Syd Barrett
41. Have you ever had a crush on someone who's dead? haha yeah
42. Should life come with background music? most definitely
43. Who is your favorite hockey team? (and if you say Habs I'll have to kill you) Boston Bruins
44. Are you a pyro? heck yes I love fire
45. What is/are your favorite movie(s)? The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Chronicles of Narnia, Born Free
46. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no but I'm not on the market or looking either
47. Do you like breakfast sausage? good stuff
48. Do you have ADD? slightly, some days more so than others, depends on how much sleep or sugar or caffeine I've had
49. What color is your pillow? green and stripey
50. If you could have any job what would it be? blacksmith don't laugh at me

Fire

Sometimes I am an idiot. Why do we do such stupid things when we know we ought'nt? On a somewhat different note, yesterday I said my new theory was that high school was too young to date. And then a friend said her theory was that if you really really like someone, don't fuck it up. And I think I agree with her theory more, although I am very good at it, at least in my own head. I'm starting to believe that I'm crazy...

I wrote this while listening to my new Bright Eyes CD this evening:

Years go past
In the same twelve month intervals
Knives get sharper
Ankles get sorer
But it's only a memory
You repeat yourself over and over
I'm hearing the same thing
It's all just rules to follow
Rules to break
Wondering what there is to go through
To write like that
Haunt like this
Such a thing is not never heard of
To screw this up
When the lines between right and wrong begin to blur
Knowing I want to keep this regardless
And take your advice
Don't fuck things up
Smile for the cameras
Break all the rules
Just because you told me it was wrong.

Fare thee well love

New news? Not much. Actually that's a lie. To recap:
1) Went to Waldheim for New Year's and stayed up until 5 o'clock in the morning talking. Didn't take Steph's advice and wished I had but then that would have ruined it I think so in a way I'm glad I didn't. There's still a part of me that wishes I did but whatever.
2) Didn't really make any resolutions to welcome in 2007 but I guess I did kind of just decide something. That would be that when I hang out with friends I want to do less of watching movies and more of actually hanging out, getting to know each other. Now that we have so much less time I want to start using it.
3) Cut my thumb deep and open yesterday while shopping for a jackknife. Bought the knife I opened my thumb with because we are now blood bonded and I didn't really have a choice in the matter anymore. Nice blade though.
4) Got a pair of Rankins tickets for Christmas, decided I am absolutely in love with Celtic music and I am pumped for the concert.

Smile or frown

You know I'll love you either way.
I'm so glad we met and that we're friends now.
The thing that scares me the most about growing up, about graduating and leaving this town, is the fact that I won't be able to keep all my friends. Somewhere along the line we'll drift apart and I'll lose someone. It will invariably happen, you can't keep that many people when you're not forced to be together, like in school. Or people you don't get to see all the time like people from camp that don't live nearby. You lose friends you never wanted to lose. Letters don't work because people don't write back. Our lives have gotten too busy, too electrickized to sit down and actually write a letter, not type it. It's more fun that way, and more satisfying to read. But that's not the point. The point is that it's a scary prospect when you leave school to lose the people you've grown up with, especially when there's nothing you can do about it.

If you write me a letter I swear I'll write back. Then maybe we won't lose each other.

*screams*

Swift comes danger, they run fleet
Where sudden death and body meet
The stars can fall; the sky will sing
Why do we do this to you
Why do we never see
I don't think you can help it
Our comments cut and we never know it
You're bleeding inside but you never show it
It's the simplest things that hurt the most
I don't know how to fix it before all is lost
How do you take it
I don't understand it
Where these comments cut like knives
Until somewhere inside
It's all you can do to pretend it's okay
And in our stupidity we never realize
It's never okay
It's never right
And then tonight
I know it's foolish but I'm crying for what we stole
But maybe it's not too late
To take this pot of ashes and turn it into a bag of gold



What have we done? What right do we have to turn up our noses at you because you are no different from the rest of us and we never realize that. I hate my own stupidity I hate my lack of ability to stand up against what I see I hate that all we ever see of you is one thing because we're too high and mighty to look past that.

Now what?

I'm sore.
And frustrated.
It seems like I can't do anything right. I mean, I'm in Grade 12 here, and I'm pretty much the sole third line on the basketball team. And I AM trying. I'm trying as hard as I know how. I'm running fast and hard, and I try harder whenever Dave yells "harder". I seriously don't know what else to do. I want to go to Hoopla so badly, but I want to play in it too. Really. I get impatient sitting on the bench, although I'd rather be on the bench than not on the team at all. But it is my last year. The other thing is that I cannot do pushups, or make foul shots. I am trying but it just doesn't work for some reason. It is so so so frustrating. My body does not know how to do pushups and it's so embarrassing because I'm honestly trying and I look like a freak and I'm so darned slow at them. So what else do I do?

Some days it's so hard not to be jealous of you...

You make me smile

Life seems to have decided to be ironic lately. I mean, something'll happen and then I'll find the perfect song for how I'm feeling the next day.
Last night I went to a caroling thing at the church. It was great fun, especially eating the food afterward, but that's not the point. What stuck out the most was these four little grade one girls who sang a song. They were still at the age (obviously) where no one cares whether you can hit the notes or not, they just got up there and belted out the song. It was probably the highlight of the evening, and it made me think, why can't we still do that? Why is it that every time I sing people shun me, simply because I can't hit the notes? I love to sing. If I was six years old it wouldn't matter, but why does it now?

You fake it and I follow you right in

I'm really tired of this and of always fighting with you. Even when I swear I won't lose my temper it's gone within minutes when we argue. I don't understand you, I guess I'm not supposed to, but why can't I just accept it? Why are we both this stubborn and it always goes back and forth until I forget what I've promised myself minutes before. It's as frustrating as it can possibly get. I just want to get out of here; I just want to escape from this place at least for a little while.
I have heard the sweetest voice ever, and when that voice sings his own music my jaw dropped and I was glad of who I was sitting with otherwise I probably would've fallen in love.

Some days it's hard not to be jealous of you.